A small question with big impact!

What do you think?

This question is a parenting gift that keeps giving time after time and yet is rarely used. Here are a few examples to show its power. Put yourself in your child's position and consider how you would feel or respond to parent 1 & 2.

"This homework is stupid. I hate my teacher. I'm not going to do it."

• Parent 1: "Sit down and get on with it. We've all got to do things we don't like. And don't talk about your teacher like that."
• Parent 2: "Mmm, not loving today's homework? Ok, so you know, and I know it has to be done. What do you think the solution is?"

"But why can't I walk to school??Everyone?in year 5 does."

• Parent 1: "I've already told you, you're not walking to school. Stop asking."
• Parent 2: "You?really?want to walk, don't you? We've discussed this, and you'll be able to in year 6. What do you think will help you wait until then?

"How come it's so cold?"

• Parent 1: Imparts all their knowledge on weather patterns.
• Parent 2: "That's a good question. What do you think?"

The question itself is good, but it doesn't act in isolation. The magic is in the exquisite attention you'll give your child afterwards, because there isn't value in asking your child what they think if you are not prepared to listen to their thoughts.

When you ask what your child thinks and then listen without interruption, you get the following benefits:

• You show them that their thoughts are valuable, which builds confidence.
• Your child gets an opportunity to work out what they think and to release any stored up, uncomfortable feelings.
• Children are surprisingly good at coming up with reasonable solutions when given the space to think. When the ideas are theirs they'll readily follow them.
• You can hold boundaries firm while also sending the message to your child that it's ok to have opinions or feelings about it. Feeling understood helps them accept the limit.
• You discover what they already know and what they are really asking before adding your information. (For example: "How come it's so cold?" may mean "I don't like wearing my coat!" )
• You model for them the value of listening to others.
• You get insight into how their brain works and discover what is happening in their world.

If we respond before inviting our children's thoughts we miss all these benefits and we miss an opportunity to deepen our connection and guide them thoughtfully and appropriately.?

So what do you think? Is this something you could see working for you and your family?