Small Moments

My career has focused a lot on leadership development. Working with and at companies to build out programs, coaching leaders from the frontline to the c-suite in varying industries, and my goodness learning a lot about leadership through the immense pleasure I have had in knowing and working with each of my direct reports. Through all of this I've learned a lot and there are a few pillars of leadership that I believe exist; one of which being that leadership is in the small moments, not the grandiose. In leadership it's less about the grand gestures and more about the smaller moments we can have to learn and understand each other more.

"Leadership is in the small moments, not the grandiose"

More recently I've found myself stopping in what feels like a small moment in my personal life and taking a picture so I can remember the amazing feeling it gave me. This has been very helpful when I catch myself losing sight of it and focusing on the wrong things in life or getting caught up somewhere along the way. In fact that's my dog, Ollie, in the main picture up top from a trip my family took last year. He quite literally is small, clocking in at just over 10lbs and he wants nothing but love and cuddles 24/7.

There's a lot we can learn about the power of small moments from our pets. Ollie loves car rides and it doesn't matter if we're going to the grocery store nearby or a full day trek up to a national park. As long as he is in the car with us and close to us, he is happy.

When we think about what we can do for others we encounter, bringing happiness really should be near or at the top of the list. Helping provide someone happiness isn't about their happiness over yours nor is it about abandoning who you are to make them happy. I think it's about the small moments and what we can do through what I'll call the three C's of small moments: Connection, Curiosity, Care.

Connection

I've worked fully remote since March 2020 and genuine moments of connection between two people at work is slowly becoming a lost value in a fully distributed work world. For many of us, gone are the moments we pass each other in the hallways, wait outside a conference room together, or grab a coffee in the break room at the same time. Replaced by back-to-back meeting times that leave no moments for a cognitive breather let alone a moment of actual connection.

Being proactive in planned and unplanned moments of small moment connection is an opportunity to see that co-worker for who they truly are. Someone's best friend, a partner, an aspiring musical artist, a parent, or really just someone beyond the title assigned to them at work. Connecting with people in small moments can be hard for some and does require something that can be sniffed out in a moment if it's false: authenticity. If you aren't authentic in connecting with someone they will see that and most likely give you a surface-level nicety and go onto their next thing.

Curiosity

Throughout the facilitation aspects of my career I will tell you that curiosity is perhaps the single most powerful communication tool we as humans have in us. Curiosity is about going beyond the first level and not just asking a layer deeper, but actually being curious about the What and the Why that comes through. Oh you like baseball? What is it about baseball you like so much? Getting to that deeper layer helps you learn more about who that person is.

Red light warning: Do not use curiosity as a round-a-bout way to talk about yourself!! "Oh you like baseball because your grandfather took you to your first game when you were a kid? My grandfather liked to collect coins." Um, wut?

Sometimes we feel the need to respond with something about ourself to avoid a lull in the conversation or as some sort of vulnerability exchange program. If they ask about you, that's great, but stay within the realm of being curious about them.

Care

Around seven years ago I took a few acting classes to compliment the improv training I was doing at The Second City in Chicago. One of my acting teachers would pause us during a scene with a partner and ask one fundamental question: "Do you love them?" I remember when he paused me during a scene and asked me this in terms of my character's feelings towards the other character and I found myself fumbling for a response. I looked to the script in my hand for notes and direction on what my character was supposed to be feeling in the scene yet that was not what my teacher was looking for. The answer to that question in that acting class was always "yes."

At the core there is love. Not the romantic, swooning kind of love, but the love of being in this human experience with someone else, even if just for a moment in conversation. You care by finding that love. Each encounter we have with someone else is a chance to focus in and bring care to seeing them as a person.

Tips for enabling small moments

• Next time you are in a meeting with just one other person, make it a point to learn something about them in a genuine way.
• Try looking for more opportunities to use responses such as: "tell me more" or "what about X is it that you like."
• Last tip is the plot twist: connect, be curious, and care about the small moments for yourself. This life is yours and while there might be many important people in your life inside and out of work, the happiness that truly must be core to it all is your own.