Small massive moments

Love[1] in the Workplace

One Monday morning, I hopped in a Careem with a colleague to catch a ride to Abu Dhabi, where we both had work that day.

I didn’t know this colleague much, but as we sat in the car, what was supposed to be a relatively long drive passed like a breeze. As we were chatting away, I quickly realized that I genuinely liked this person! So much that I would love to see her after work and integrate her more into my non-work plans… which got me thinking…. Why can’t I love my colleagues as much as I love my friends?

What is this barrier that we place between us and our co-workers that defines these relationships differently? Who says that barrier should be there? Can I use the language that I usually use with my friends with my co-workers too, and say things like I love this and that about you, or I love you?

And if I can be more open with my colleagues, expressing my love and appreciation of them, I can bring more of myself into those relationships. I can be more relaxed, speak my mind, laugh with them, and just be! The way I see myself in my daily life, which comes up with close friends, then matches how I see myself at work – and there’s a great appeal to being that kind of honest!

I remember that conversation vividly because it marked when I decided to be more inviting in my relationships with colleagues. That decision changed the course of my career. With every new encounter with a co-worker came the prospect of a new and enriching relationship. Slowly but surely, depth became the more normal norm.

I have tribes now – tribes of hand-picked colleagues with whom I have the most meaningful discussions. The type of conversations that allow me to look at things with varying perspectives, extracting great learnings from their own experiences that shed light on mine.

The colleagues who are my friends are also my mentors and sponsors. These hierarchy-free peer-to-peer relationships are often the most valuable relationships you can enjoy in the workplace. I find that when I feel down or defeated, I can trust that they will resist whining with me or entertaining my victim mindset, pulling me up and elevating my thinking to new levels instead. They make me think of the broader perspective and push me to new limits – and since we work together in the same environment, they can disagree and support their arguments with relatable facts that I would often find hard to negotiate. I also listen to their stories, which are almost always filled with challenges, and we learn so much from each other through conversation. I can’t tell you how I look forward to our early evening get-togethers, a drink at a jazz club, a light snack in our homes, or just a ‘walk and talk’[2] by the beach!

The reality is that it benefits everyone – the employee and the employer!

These deep, loving, and meaningful relationships that I enjoy with many of my colleagues today are a significant reason I feel a great sense of belonging and am compelled to play a more vital role in shaping my company's future.

Undoubtedly, a sense of belonging can be a reason for people to stay or go. It’s often harder to leave a company where you have created these circles of friends because you love to work with them and know you’ll miss them. It’s so much easier to leave if you dislike most and would feel like it’s good riddance the minute you walk out that door. Companies can do many things to foster that sense of belonging. One of the things we started in my company is we organized small group sessions where we replicated a masterpiece while listening to jazz music. In Netflix’s The Creative Brain, ‘Neuroscientist David Eagleman taps into the creative process of various innovators while exploring brain-bending, risk-taking ways to spark creativity.’ In that episode, they talk about how teachers have been bringing art and music into classrooms to lower the guard that people naturally put up, allowing them to take more risks and be more personal in their interactions with others. For us at the company, those painting classes sparked a trend across all our locations in the region to do more activities together in our smaller communities – like cycle across the city, create pottery together, or enjoy a karaoke night.

While companies can facilitate these gatherings for people to get to know each other more personally, there’s a huge responsibility on the employees themselves to engage. Like with almost everything, it starts with ‘me.’ When I sign up for these events, do I show up, engage, and use this as an opportunity to get to know others? I often find that my own energy directly impacts the group’s energy simply because energy is contagious. If I show up enthusiastic and open to connecting with others, then the whole experience feels very different. Today, I only sign up if I know for a fact that I will be willing to ask questions, listen attentively, laugh loudly, and leave knowing that I got to know at least one more person better so the next time I see them, there is no way I wouldn’t remember their name, and maybe even the names of their kids. And then more opportunities to love more colleagues unfold, which adds to my intention to spread love.

And love radiates – when a few start to spread positive vibes, then empathy, support, and respect begin to flourish in the community. By creating little love machines in different corners of the office, love prevails over toxicity and the corporate crap that can be common.

While love can help retain employees in its magical ways, its most powerful potion is that it conquers fear. I have had my share of experience with fear at work, and I’ve seen how it had completely highjacked my capacity to be creative, productive, and engaged in the workplace. I was only able to gain back the strength to fight fear with confidence when there were people – colleagues that I love and admire – rooting for me to build up that courage and take on the challenge.

With love comes understanding, tolerance, and openness, which ultimately feeds happiness.

For me, having these trusted and meaningful work relationships has been a great reason to wake up to work in the morning and have a positive and productive day – a happy one!

That’s my experience with love in the workplace, but there’s science behind it – check out these articles from McKinsey, Forbes, and HBR.

[1] Not romantic or compassionate love… simply the kind of love that exists between friends

[2] A term coined by an incredibly creative and successful senior executive to mark a get-together that fosters a positive environment for meaningful conversation while physically boosting dopamine in your system to make everything feel better