Small Fears Can Destroy Big Dreams

Fear comes in all sorts of packages with all kinds of labels and can affect every individual at some point in life.

There are Phobias: which are described as being an excessive and irrational fear reaction to a place, situation, or object. To overcome phobias, one might need therapy, medication, or both. It may take some time to become free from your phobia.

It is important that we identify the fear present in our lives and decide if they are beneficial to us or not. Fear may not always be a bad thing. For example, having a fear of venomous snakes is not such a bad fear and in my own opinion, not a fear I would be trying to overcome.

For some people, fear is like adrenaline and causes them to dig their heels in and embrace it head-on. An example of this would be sky diving. A very normal fear for most people, and yet for some it presents as a challenge. With the challenge accepted, the fear is conquered by jumping out of the plane. I believe most people would prefer to remain on the inside of a perfectly ok plane, which makes the fear of jumping out, a little normal. 

For this article, we will address those small fears that destroy our big dreams. 

Some fears are ever-existent, they resemble a familiar spirit or a haunting memory. We know they are there all the time. They can be as deep-rooted as our heritage and as long-lasting as our genealogy. These fears are not found out there, somewhere around us, where we can see them. They are found lurking in the deep, dark recesses within us, it remains silent and motionless until we dare attempt to voice our hopes and desires, at which time, it suddenly rises to slime all our dreams with doubt.

For the most part, it is a powerful, relentless, thief. It cares not for the destruction it causes and cares even less for the person who stands in its aftermath.

Empowered by its ability to cripple, fear attacks to render us immobile.  

What is Fear’s Endgame?

I say it is to completely immobilize us into a permanent state of living life without freedom. Fear robs us of our freedom to be all that we were meant to be. People who have few fears live differently than those who have several or many. 

Take a moment to imagine what life would feel like, look like if you were fearless.

Fear is easily identified by the fingerprints it leaves behind and by the robbery taking place (like a crime scene). We may yield to it without even noticing:  

•   It can stop us from sharing our opinions and thoughts
•  It can stop us from standing up for ourselves
• It can stifle our voice when we desperately want to be heard
• It can keep us from raising our hands to ask questions in class or answer them even though we know the answer.
• It restricts our input at meetings because we fear what those around the table would think of what we have to say.
• It can even restrict us from picking up the phone and reaching out
• It can keep us from seeking the help we need
•  It presents as an obstacle in the way of our dreams
•  It strives to keep us hidden
•  The list goes on…

Fear relies on our insecurities to keep us afraid. As humans we desire to be seen and heard and yet fear grips us and makes us afraid of being seen or heard.

The human need for approval or acceptance feeds our fear of rejection. There it is - fear of rejection.

Fear is also empowered by its ability to keep itself hidden, deep inside where only its keeper knows of its existence. Hidden because, you guessed it, we fear others seeing our fears, it may taint their opinion of us. It can do a mighty work at robbing us of life without ever really surfacing.

There is some comfort in knowing we can do something about some of our fears, or maybe all of them over time. A switch can be flipped on those fears that work against our preferred will. 

Let’s use this analogy…

When we arrive home late at night and everything is dark, our vision is hindered. The place is ours, therefore, we know where everything is and yet in the dark, we still bump into things.   

What do we do when we arrive home to a darkened house?

We reach for the light switch and without hesitation or question, we just believe the light will appear and so it does. Light has a habit of appearing at the precise moment the switch is flicked. Once the light is on, we see everything clearly.

This is the concept of how I personally began a journey of overcoming my fears. It is also the approach I have used to help others.

How do we flick the switch with fear? We talk about them!

Exposing them is the same as flicking the light switch. Bringing each fear out into the open and sharing with a trusted person or a person that makes us feel comfortable is flipping the switch. Once they are no longer hidden, they begin to lose their power. They are weakened in the light. They are seen for what they really are. All the power is given to them by keeping them in the dark blinds us to the fact that we can overcome them. In some cases, it is just a matter of dealing with it as a puzzle.

Small fears can destroy big dreams. I will say that again – small fears can destroy big dreams.

Here is an example of how a small fear almost killed a big dream.

A lady dreamed of advancing in her career. To see her dream come true she needed to apply for work in the downtown area of her Metropolitan City. Having always worked in a smaller firm on the outskirts, she did not make the money needed for a vehicle of her own. Albeit, where she lived and worked, she did not need one. Not having a vehicle meant that to get to a job in the downtown core, she would have to use public transportation. 

For years, this lady could not share her desire for this dream job because the thought of telling anyone how afraid she was of using public transportation, made her feel small. She felt ridiculous.   

Her friends thought she was quite happy where she was. Maybe a fear like that would not exist in me or you, but for her, it did exist, and it was big enough to stand in the way of her dream job.

It was during tea-time that she finally shared her desire for a dream job. Talking openly about her fear allowed her to rest in the fact that she was no longer alone in it. Something good happens to us when we know we are not alone. Even in those two hours of talking out loud, she noted the sense of its power breaking.  Talking was exposing; bringing it into the light where she could see it clearly.  The switch was being flipped.

Her friends were now aware of her fear of public transportation but the reason for that fear had not yet been identified. The deeper question to ask is this: why she was afraid of using public transportation? What was behind it?

Well after discussing the ‘why’, the breakdown revealed these puzzle pieces:  

• The complexity of the transportation system seemed so big it overwhelmed her. 
• She had never used it so there was that fear of the unknown.
• She thought she would get lost, be late for work, and get fired
• She thought the buses would be unreliable and break down which would, in turn, affect her job
• She was also afraid of traveling after dark. During the winter months, it is dark out when you leave the office.
•     And so on…

Laid out on the table into pieces like this, the fear seemed smaller than it felt while hidden inside. Everything on the table was legit reasons.  

What to do?

Although we do not know what triggered the conversation, this lady found the courage to share while in a comfortable setting with people she often hung out with. Her friends responded.

Maps of the complicated system were made available to each friend. None of them used the public transportation system, making this a new adventure for all. 

There was no evident fear in gathering information which allowed our lady an opportunity to gather what was needed. The schedules, bus routes, times, locations of bus stops, and names of buses were all marked and noted. In addition to these, a detailed list of ‘what if’ questions were made. 

Locked and loaded, one friend would accompany our lady friend, on a Saturday morning, to the downtown core. On the next Saturday, a different friend would do the same. It was a fun adventure for them all and through it, they learned all about public transportation. Different routes were targeted for the sake of variety. The dream job’s Corporation became the destination of each trip yet the journey there differed. 

The list of questions was carried on each trip which the bus drivers took turns answering. All the ‘what if’ concerns were addressed.  

At the end of several months, everyone felt better about using the public transit to downtown. Within six months, this lady was quite content to ride the public transportation, even by herself. 

Filled with confidence, she finally applied for an entry-level position at the firm of her dreams.  Congratulations were in order. Not only did she gain that entry-level position she also overcame the fear obstacle that once blocked her dream.

To some, this example seems like a lot of work to overcome fear, however, it was well worth the time and effort to gain a dream that became a reality. I know within myself; I would gladly spend the next six months overcome an obstacle standing in the way of my big dream. The gain is far greater than the cost.

Do you have fears standing in the way of your big dream?  

Recap:

1.    Do not suffer in silence – flip the switch – talk about it.

2.    Ask the question ‘why am I afraid?

3.    Look at those ‘why’ answers and lay them out on a table.

4.    Enlist help where needed – even one person can walk a mile by your side

5.    Keep the fear and the why in the light – do not let it sneak back into its hidden place

6.    Only tackle one fear at a time.

Remember small fears can destroy big dreams.

Having said all that – I have not yet overcome my fear of sway bridges.

And… before I sign off – I was afraid to write this because I fear rejection.

Take care Butterflies – Remember your Wings Display Your Beauty and I can feel your Wings flittering.