Small acts of kindness.

I was having a conversation with some of the guys in my small group yesterday and something occurred to me. Each year over the past 14 years, I have known at least one person each year who has passed away through unfortunate circumstances. I know four people on my high school track team that are no longer with us. In total, in my ten years working at the college, I have had 15 students that I have worked with pass away either by suicide or an accident.

This blog is not meant to be depressing. I am only bringing to light these untimely deaths because the impact those have had on me has created a shift in my mentality in one big way. It has made me more intentional about small acts of kindness. I recently had a conversation with a former student who graduated a couple of years back. He would come to my office every other day just to talk. On the surface, he seemed very put together, kind, and happy-go-lucky. We never talked about anything too deep or serious. It mostly was small talk about sports and our kids. Some days it would be for 5 minutes and some days it would last an hour. At times, admittedly, I felt inconvenienced. I never let that show though. He told me that those conversations, which seemed somewhat insignificant to me, were one of the biggest reasons he didn’t attempt suicide.

I would have never known…

It is not hard to go out of your way to tell someone that they are appreciated. It is easy to say hello and good morning to all of your coworkers. It is not an imposition to have small talk with someone from high school that you haven’t talked to in years. These small acts of kindness can have a huge impact and there is no downside to them. You never know if that extra five minutes out of your day might be the one reason why someone continues on in life when they have been contemplating finding a way out.

I think the reason that we are sometimes apprehensive about going out of our way to be kind is that we don’t want to be judged, or maybe we are a little resentful if that kindness isn’t reciprocated. At the end of the day, if someone has an issue with you being kind, they are fighting insecurities that have nothing to do with you to begin with.

It’s worth mentioning that being kind is not something that benefits only the recipient. The person who goes out of their way to be kind can gain something positive, too. When you engage in an act of kindness, endorphins (a natural painkiller) are produced in your brain. Plus, people who are kind have less of the stress hormone, cortisol. If you want to feel calmer, more optimistic, and have improved feelings of self-worth, consider being overly kind to others.

Kindness contagion

Witnessing kindness inspires kindness, causing it to spread like a virus. Studies have found that people imitate not only the particulars of positive actions but also the spirit underlying them. Kindness itself is contagious, and like a waterfall it can cascade across people, taking on new forms along the way. Not everyone can afford to donate to charity or spend weeks on a service trip to Nicaragua. But everyone can donate time, a listening ear, and a smile.

Here are five small acts of kindness that cost little to nothing that I encourage you to do for someone outside of your family and close friend circle this week.

1. When you open your email inbox for the first time of the day write a short email – 1 paragraph max – praising someone. This note can be as simple as, “Just wanted to say, ‘thanks for being such a great friend.’” Or, “Thinking of you.” Or point out something nice you noticed.
2. Write a note to the boss of someone who helps you, and explain how great a job that person is doing.
3. Smile big at a random stranger, just because.
4. Purchase a card and write a letter to someone who has made an impact in your life, no matter how small that impact was.
5. Send a text or call that friend you have lost touch with or haven’t talked to in a while to see how they are doing.

"Do things for people, not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are."

-- Harold S. Kushner