A Small Act of Chivalry

"On that best portion of a good man’s life, His little, nameless, unremembered acts Of kindness and of love." - William Wordsworth

As I look at today’s world, something is very, very wrong.?The level of anger and divisiveness is out of control.?You rarely see people with opposing views reason together and have civil discussions to resolve their differences.?Diversity of thought is often not welcomed.?We don’t hold people accountable for their bad behavior, and situations escalate to angry words and senseless violence in the blink of an eye.?The rule of law is routinely being ignored, and traditional values and our core institutions are constantly being attacked.?Kindness, courtesy, respect, and simple decency are becoming more and more scarce.

But, despite all of these challenges, there is also much that is good in the world.

I was recently reminded of this truth when a friend shared this famous J.R.R. Tolkien quote from The Return of the King, which I first read many years ago:

"There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach."

This illustrates to me that the current state of society is not permanent.?We can change things for the better, and in fact, men and women of goodwill are doing their part every day to make a positive difference.?I believe these small acts of love, goodness, kindness, bravery, and virtue are ultimately what will help our nation and the world get back on track.

A Small but Inspiring Example of Chivalry

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at Mass with my family when I quietly observed an inspiring scene that lasted all of five minutes.?Two rows in front of us was a young teenage girl sitting next to her older brother and the rest of her family.?The girl sneezed a few times and clearly needed to blow her nose.?In the row in front of me and sitting directly behind her was a man I know pretty well who was there with his family.?He handed the young lady a clean cloth handkerchief he must have kept in his pocket for just such an emergency.?She was clearly not sure if she should take it and looked to her older brother for guidance. He swiftly looked at the older man and then nodded to his sister that it was OK.?She used the handkerchief, and then the embarrassment of what to do with the now dirty cloth hit her, and she looked lost and nervous.?The brother took it from her, folded it carefully with the dirty part on the inside, and handed it back to the older gentleman while expressing his thanks.?She turned around as well and, with a warm smile, mouthed a silent thank you.?

Why is this short incident worthy of mention?

The older gentleman demonstrated courtesy and thoughtfulness to a young lady who will likely never forget his kind act.?He acted as a gentleman should, and perhaps the young lady had not seen many examples of this behavior from the boys in her school.?The older brother also witnessed from the older man how a true gentleman should behave and probably gleaned as much as his sister from what he observed.?The following Sunday, I ran into the girl’s father outside of our church and asked him if his daughter or son had relayed the incident.?They had not, and I described the exchange for him.?He drew the same conclusions as me about lessons learned and was grateful I told him.?He also committed to thank the gentleman with the handkerchief, whom he knew as well.

It is sometimes the little acts of kindness that make a lasting impression.?Letting young people witness kindness and generosity in the form of gentlemanly behavior could have a ripple effect both on how that young lady raises expectations for how she wishes to be treated by men in the future and how her older brother engages with the women in his life.?Also, it is likely that the gentleman with the handkerchief simply derived pleasure at his small opportunity to be of service to a young lady in need.?It inspired me to witness that chivalry is clearly not dead and there are some, like the man in the pew a few Sundays ago, who are keeping it alive.

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After you read this post, consider how you can do one thing to make a positive difference in the world today.?Don’t allow yourself to feel overwhelmed by all that is going wrong.?Just focus on the little things you can do and remember the sage words of Mother Teresa (St. Teresa of Calcutta): “We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”

*Adapted from Chapter 24 of my 2022 book, Upon Reflection: Helpful Insights and Timeless Lessons for the Busy Professional

*Learn more about Randy's recent leadership books here.

Learn more about his brand new book, Being Fully Present: True Stories of Epiphanies and Powerful Lessons from Everyday Life

Randy Hain is the president of Serviam Partners, the award-winning author of 10 books, an executive coach, leadership consultant and thought leader on candor, clarity, time management, accountability and business relationships. He is also the co-founder of The Leadership Foundry.