Slower Than A Sloth On Sedatives

Zafar Siddiqui's Musings On Traffic in Hyderabad, India

Ever since childhood, Hyderabad traffic has fascinated me no end. There is never a dull moment when one is on the Hyderabad roads. During each visit to Hyderabad, I always felt the urge to capture this unique experience. Finally, I mustered enough courage to give you a funny glimpse into this 8th Wonder of the World! Loosen your seatbelts! :-)

If you've ever felt the need to really test your adrenaline threshold, forget about skydiving or watching WWE. Just try driving in Hyderabad, the city where traffic conventions are as elusive as a drop of water in a desert.

Destination is an afterthought while driving in Hyderabad. More important is to fill that precious gap in front of your vehicle. It's like a high-stakes game of Tetris on wheels where, quite ironically, the game ends if you leave any space open :-) On Hyderabad roads, Gabbar Singh would have said "Jo Dar Gaya Samjo Thair Gaya!" (The scared would be in a perpetual standstill on Hyderabad roads).

The chorus of never-ending symphony starts playing as soon as you hit the roads with the horns blaring at every decibel level. It's not so much an indication of urgency, but a sport to kill the boredom of being stuck in traffic that moves slower than a sloth on sedatives. On Hyderabad roads, another name for hope is honk - honk like there is no tomorrow in the hope that somehow miraculously the traffic would part for you like the veritable parting of the sea by Moses.

Traffic is a great equalizer. The rich and the poor, the old city or the new city, the autos or the Volvos - they all get coerced into submission by the Hyderabad traffic. Google maps provide no respite as they resemble bloodbath of orange and red.

The battle for the right of way isn't just between cars, bikes, and pedestrians. Oh no, Hyderabad believes in equal opportunity. Auto rickshaws, bicycles, beggars, and bovines all join in the fray. This is real-life 'Road Rash', only the cows aren't playing video games.

Traffic rules in Hyderabad are much like a chameleon; they change color based on whether there's a policeman in sight. Otherwise, breaking traffic rules is almost considered an act of daring and bravado, often leading to tall tales of how one took traffic rules on a joy ride.

As the sun goes down, footpaths transform into thriving markets where fruit vendors and other hawkers showcase their wares, leaving pedestrians at the mercy of roads.

It's not only the vehicles that overflow on Hyderabad's roads. The drains often join the party too, turning lanes into miniature Venetian canals. And speaking of water, let's not forget the transformation that occurs when it rains. Roads turn into temporary pools, and every vehicle becomes a contestant in an unplanned triathlon: driving, swimming, and sometimes, for the less fortunate ones, stalling. It's like nature's own way of adding a water park thrill ride to your daily commute.

Festivals in Hyderabad get a special mention, not only for their vibrancy but also for the unique architectural marvels that spring up overnight on the roads. These pop-up structures are like the city's version of surprise guests - they appear unannounced and occupy prime space, and you can't really ask them to leave. You silently sing "Athithi tum kab jaaogey!" (Guests, when will you leave!"

Oh, and let’s not forget the packs of dogs that strut around like road warriors and gangsters. Often engaging in what looks like a WWE Royal Rumble, to the amusement (and sometimes terror) of passersby.

Hyderabad’s traffic scene is not just a daily commute; it’s a thrilling adventure, a reality show, and a slapstick comedy, all rolled into one. Navigating Hyderabad's traffic is like playing a game of real-life Jumanji - unpredictable, always keeping you on your toes, and full of wild 'animals'. But unlike Jumanji, the thrill and laughter never end - because here, the game never really finishes!