Slipped discs and Emotional Intelligence

I've had backache before, who hasn't? But this pain was different. It wiped me out. I couldn't stand, sit, kneel or lie down for any longer than a few minutes at a time. The pain that came from moving out of one position into the next would be excruciating.

My physio wasn't sure if I had some trapped nerves or a 'disc issue' - which meant, when I sought clarity, slipped discs. So I started the process of getting an MRI. I just wanted to know what we were dealing with so that I could start to recover before the autumn term started and I needed to be 'fit for purpose'.

I called my doctor's surgery requesting a referral to a clinic my physio had recommended. The guys at the clinic would be able to examine me properly and alleviate the constant pain. The doctor called me back, asked me to describe my symptoms and said that the referral letter would be ready in the morning. This is not what I expected but I was overjoyed at the prospect of getting a step closer to a solution.

The next part of this story was extraordinary. On reflection, I really believe it happened because I have started to develop my skills in Emotional Intelligence, I have learned how to focus and I have become more comfortable with being vulnerable with people.

Here's what happened: I couldn't reach the surgery by phone to confirm the collection details of my referral letter, so I drove myself to the clinic (ouch!). When I arrived the receptionists were incredibly busy. I explained the conversation I had had with the doctor the afternoon before and as the receptionist searched for my details online I could see that she was starting to panic. There was no letter and I would need to wait until Tuesday afternoon (4 more days) for it to be ready. The doctor had forgotten to tick the 'urgent - please type this letter ready for a morning collection' box so the notes had been added to a pile for the secretary to deal with on Tuesday, the following week.

Before I started the course in Emotional Intelligence I would have raised my voice, used aggressive language and tone, held the receptionist accountable and demanded to see the person 'in charge' to sort this out in the next 15 minutes. Instead, I explained how much pain I was in and tears started to roll down my face. I was surprisingly calm and I don't usually get upset in public. Ever. This wasn't the receptionist's fault. I said that I would wait outside to see if she could do anything to help me.

I waited outside the surgery and focused on my breathing. I spent time attempting a 'body scan' which is an exercise I had learned from the course. It's a mindfulness technique and it helps you focus. I was breathing deeply and feeling positive that something good would happen. The receptionist came outside to see if I wanted a cup of tea while I waited and told me that someone was working out how they could get the letter sorted. It would be a wait.

90 minutes later I was handed a letter and I expressed my gratitude. I wasn't angry with the doctor, I understood that these guys are trying to serve a growing number of patients and mistakes happen. My perspective was completely different from how it would have been.

A day later the MRI confirmed that I had two slipped discs. The nurse who had earlier in the day offered me a range of different music to listen to in the confinement of the scanner grimaced as she gave me the news. One had split and the other had moved. I was grateful to her for the thorough answers she gave to my consistent stream of questions. There was something raw and honest about our conversation. While I was still in pain, I felt so much better knowing.

The next day I met the consultant who showed me the MRI images of my spine and explained the science behind what I was experiencing. I felt a huge wave of gratitude. Thankful that this incident had happened now rather than later in the year and grateful that all of these people were able to help me. Glad that the 'lesson' telling me to look after myself and to listen to my body had finally been heard [I had ignored the twinges in my back the week before and continued at my usual pace] This was a different perspective. Previously I can tell you that I would have been catastrophizing over this incident and wouldn't have accepted so much help.

Last Wednesday afternoon I had two injections! I was nervous about the procedure initially - anything to do with my eyes and my spine gets me worried. Then I chose to approach the experience with curiosity and interest (with some advice from my coach!). The procedure took less than 10 minutes. I'd been given an epidural and three month's worth of steroids administered by two unforgettable bouts of exceptional pain delivered by a consultant who managed to make me laugh while the needles were in my back - with his very dry wit!

This morning I completed my list of exercises first thing and I'm re-evaluating the way I work as I get back to projects today. I'm not 100% pain-free yet, but I'm well on the road to recovery! I really do believe that 'my inner coach' has helped me deal with this little adventure. There are so many people out there who have experienced this type of episode too, it's been reassuring to take their help and advice too.

EQ is so much more than being nice. It's so much more than empathy. I think it's a life-changer and I am so glad that I am on this journey with the guys from the Daniel Goleman certification course!