A Slightly Different Newsletter – The Most Amusing Target Responses

I thought long and hard about whether to write this edition at all. After all, I’m giving you a glimpse into the harsh reality of deal sourcing—no sugarcoated, perfect social media world where everything runs smoothly and always leads to a mega deal in the end.

But one of my recent posts on this topic showed me: This is exactly what you want!

Here are the most entertaining responses of targets.

Enjoy…

(1)

“XXXX is available for purchase at a price of $3.6 million. Before any discussions can take place, proof of funds is required, and interested parties must be willing to deposit the full amount prior to engaging in negotiations.”

(2)

"Appreciate the interest. We are too large for you. Our revenue is above USD 2m!"

(3)

"Your client could never afford us, but feel free to make an offer anyway."

(4)

"We don’t make profits. We’re tax-optimized!"

(5)

"I've been through this process seven times already. All you care about is EBITDA!"

(6)

"Private equity is the plague."

(7)

"Thank you for asking. When would you be paying the money?"

(8)

"I’m very familiar with M&A. Please send the offer first, then I’ll decide if I’ll provide you with the P&Ls."

(9)

"How long have you been in the tree trimming business? You probably need at least 5 years of experience to take this on."

(10)

"Thanks for following up, but my wife has informed me that she wants a divorce, so this isn’t a good time."

(11)

"Of course, I never paid myself a salary. I don’t need that anymore."

(12)

Broker: "But we still need to adjust the EBITDA!

8M: "By how much?"

Broker: "By 12 million!"

8M: "On an EBITDA of 200k??"

Broker: "Yes... he’s paying himself 1 million per month!"

8M: "What? Why? What’s the logic?"

Broker: "No idea! Something to do with taxes!"

(13)

"Unsubscribe!"

"From what?"

"Your list"

"Which list?"

"Your list!"

"I will create a list, add you to the list and unsubscribe you from the list."

"Thanks"

"You are welcome."

(14)

"We are hired to represent XXX in the sales process. Thanks for you message to YYY. First of all: Go to your CRM and set YYY to DO NOT CONTACT and send me a screenshot."

As funny and amusing as this is... we are now offering all employees a blood pressure-lowering training session at the nearby yoga studio. ;-)

Deal Sourcing needed ? - Update from eightM

Due to the high demand for our service, we are currently only accepting clients who have an industry focus and either experience in the sector or a skill set that adds value to the targets being sought.

So... sharpen your focus and deliver the targets a plausible story!

Statistics

Email is just a tool for reaching out to targets. Looking at the statistics from last year, we’ve noticed a decreasing open rate among targets, which dropped significantly in December. Here’s the average outreach (email only) from December.

Average Open Rate: 54%

Average Click Rate: 38%

Average Response Rate: 57%

Average Number of Targets per Month per Client: 289

We take a multi-channel approach in our outreach. This includes email, direct mail, phone calls, and direct contact through LinkedIn.... and of course... warm outreach within our network.

The most 4 common reasons why search funds don't close a deal are:

(1) Search Parameter EBITDA USD 2m or more - Direct Competitor to Private Equity - and no! Most of the targets like Private Equity because they think they pay more... ;-)

(2) No industry focus

(3) They can't convey the motivation behind why this particular industry is the right fit

(4) Searching in a limited area and not US nationwide

Stay tuned... 2025 will be a rain shower of deals...

Greetings from Austin,

Andre Achtermeier