Slices of joy

I abandoned Facebook three years ago due to my personal addiction to it, as well as my disdain for its destructive vitriol and hatred toward law enforcement. I return with more defined purpose with a photography business page at Facebook.com/KulaImagery – to share my mind’s eye – filtered through the care, encouragement, effort, and patience of my wife Nancy.

Photography, for me, began with Kodak’s Instamatic cameras of the 70s, and exposure to SLRs and black and white development in high school chemistry class. When I later learned how to properly shoot news in college, I was hooked. The slow development of film and prints souped in chemicals contributed; the anticipation to see if I caught and composed light and subject correctly sparked something. There was the satisfaction of continual, confirmatory visual growth – the result of great instructors at the SUNY-Morrisville journalism program.

 I began to carry a camera wherever I went.

Sounds harmless enough, right? Over time, always carrying a camera became a problem. It wasn’t simply a greyscale between profession and passion, but rather an obsessive extension of my black and white, never-smile personality. (Otherwise known as my “happy face.”)

From my first job in public relations at St. John Fisher College, into my journalism days, and throughout my law enforcement career, photography repeatedly proved more than a fallback skill. Its value took many forms. Freedom, feature, friendship. Tragedy and triumph. Evidence, documentation, accident, intent, and investigation leading to vindication or conviction, justice or injustice. Both satisfaction and frustration. Instruction, art, expression. Profession, hobby, skill, work, relaxer, stressor, family glue, fun.

There’s a problem with something that becomes everything. It’s called addiction.

My wife half-kiddingly calls my cameras my “mistresses.” Half. Turns out my addictions were more problem pothole and mucked-up marriage mire than a joke.

Reflections in the watery potholes of marriage are murky. Like a bad photograph, upon closer examination, you discover your mistakes; you try to dodge, burn, re-crop, edit, or redevelop. You might get a shot at taking the picture over again.

Three years ago, I got that shot.

Like the ever-developing print in darkroom chemicals, I remain (like most men) a husband in development. The discovery my partner is on the same side of the camera, instead of off to the side where I put her, was liberating; I had to be vulnerable enough to accept it and what I had done to us. Letting go of the camera crutch led to my discovery of one of many issues.

I didn’t know joy.

If I had experienced joy, it was that slice of time, that fraction of a second, a shutter click, when I KNEW I successfully controlled light and got the shot. Shutter speed, ISO, aperture, and timing were spot-on. No edit needed. Conversely, if I didn’t get the shot, you couldn’t get near me. Other than genetics, that explains my happy face.

Why share all this?

Make no mistake, my return to Facebook, and the ongoing redesign of KulaImagery.com is OUR return to social media. It’s more responsible. It’s more us than me, more ours than mine, but more Nancy than Hank, particularly in terms of the work involved. These days there’s still always a camera within reach, but I’m more selective when I use it because the priority is us. THAT makes selecting images for social media more special.

Being more selective about what I shoot and when means I have more time for other things. Like spending time with my wife. And if you follow my posts, you know I advocate for those in emergency services I left behind. I want to advocate in a more involved way for First Responders who have yet to discover a large part of the answer to surviving post-traumatic stress is vulnerability – applying the same courage they bring to the street to their own mental health.

If you support our First Responders, particularly my brothers and sisters in blue, Thank you for that. If you don’t support law enforcement, I ask you to reconsider your position and why. I point to the spirit of the new Philadelphia Police Commissioner, Danielle Outlaw, who has gone on record that she believes community trust in the police, and law enforcement’s mission, are not mutually exclusive.

And if you need a distraction from your day, I welcome you to peek at our Facebook page.

It contains slices of joy.