Sixty Minutes on 'Near Enemies' in Leadership

In our latest open lunch discussion on Friday 4th March we explored in a small group the concept of ‘Near Enemies’.?

‘Near enemies’ are emotions and behaviours that look so close to what you’re trying to cultivate, but are actually fundamentally different in a harmful way.? For example: the near enemy of loving-kindness is conditional love — selfish, sentimental attachment. So they are ‘near’ as they are so similar, yet ‘enemies’ as although they may be with good intent or overlooked they can undermine what one hopes to achieve.?

This concept gets a prominent role in her newest book ‘Atlas of the Heart’, as Dr. Brené Brown has spent many years of research defining a framework for Cultivating Meaningful Connection and she identifies that these common ‘Near Enemies’ can prevent us from achieving and cultivating the connection we seek.?

The concept itself originated from Buddhism, where it is usually applied to the Brahmaviharas, or the Four Immeasurables: Loving-kindness - wishing well towards all beings.? Compassion - recognizing the suffering of others and wishing for them to be free of suffering.? Empathetic Joy - rejoicing in the joy of others, even if it is not your own. Equanimity - even-mindedness and serenity, treating everyone impartially.

Here are a few of our main observations from the conversation on the 4th March:?

• Emotional literacy is a key foundation, without recognising emotions we will also struggle to recognise? a ‘near enemy’.
• Often a ‘near enemy’ is what we use as our armour - those familiar with the Dare to LeadTM ?work, will recognise that this is what we chose or how we react when we want to avoid vulnerability or feel shame. This armour gets in the way of connection, trust and innovation.
• Advice-giving is very dominant in our work cultures, yet as the ‘near enemy’ of truly rumbling with another person’s story and discomfort, it is often unhelpful as an immediate reaction, as it blocks meaningful connection by creating separation.

And finally, overall we acknowledge concept is new and feels like a valuable addition to the Daring Leadership work. We will continue to rumble with it and explore incorporating it into the work of cultivating courageous leadership and meaningful connection in an era when diversity and complexity require paradigmatic shifts in our ability to shape a common future.

Do let us know what you think! Until soon for our next lunch discussion.?