Six Top Tips to Become a More Emotionally Intelligent Person

I first became aware of Emotional Intelligence when working in London way back in the 90s. I was introduced to it by a German management consultant who had his own firm. As part of his company’s onboarding process, he would give every new employee a copy of Daniel Goleman’s ‘Emotional Intelligence : Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.’ ?He was good enough to present me with a copy of the book and I was hooked. It’s just one of those books that resonated so much – I even remember where? I was when I turned each page; mostly on the old slam-door trains that would slowly and painfully take me on my daily commute to the City.

Of course, everything is about Emotional Intelligence (EI), often called EQ (Emotional Quotient). If not EQ – then Diversity & Inclusion.

However I do worry that the power of EQ has been diluted over time. It’s not an original theme to write about or read about. Most employees receive some form of training on the subject – whether it be delivered synchronously or asynchronously. Depending on the quality of the material and the quality of the training, the importance of helping people become more emotionally intelligent cannot be understated.

And so, for those who really have no sense of what EQ is (and I find that hard to believe) let’s consider what it entails and look at ways of becoming a more emotionally intelligent person.? ?

Emotional Intelligence refers to our ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions in ourselves and others. Unlike traditional IQ, which measures cognitive abilities, emotional intelligence encompasses skills related to empathy, interpersonal communication, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. EQ has become increasingly valued as research shows that it can lead to better work performance, healthier relationships, and greater overall life satisfaction.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer first introduced the concept of emotional intelligence in the 1990s, identifying it as a set of four fundamental abilities:

·???????? Perceiving Emotions: Recognizing emotions in oneself and others through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice.

·???????? Using Emotions to Facilitate Thinking: Leveraging emotions to prioritise tasks, solve problems and enhance creativity.

·???????? Understanding Emotions: Recognising the causes and outcomes of emotions and how they evolve over time.

·???????? Managing Emotions: Effectively controlling both positive and negative emotions, which enables better reactions and decision-making.

Since its introduction, emotional intelligence has been adopted by psychologists, business leaders and educators alike as a critical component of success. Developing a high EQ enables people to navigate social complexities, lead more effectively, and achieve better mental health.

Six Top Tips to Become a More Emotionally Intelligent Person

1. Enhance Self-Awareness

Practise mindfulness: Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. Being mindful involves observing your emotions without judgment, allowing you to understand what triggers certain responses. For example, practicing a few minutes of meditation or journaling daily can help you connect with your emotional states and patterns.

Ask for feedback: Getting honest feedback from friends, family, or colleagues can reveal blind spots in how you react to situations. It may not always be easy, but it’s an effective way to deepen self-awareness.

2. Develop Self-Regulation

Pause before reacting: A key component of EI is self-regulation, which means responding to situations rather than reacting impulsively. When faced with an intense emotion, try pausing, taking a deep breath, and considering the best response.

Practise stress management techniques: Strategies such as deep breathing, exercise, or even taking short breaks throughout the day can significantly improve your ability to regulate emotions, especially in high-stress environments.

3. Improve Empathy

Learn active listening: Empathy involves putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Practise active listening by giving full attention to the speaker, nodding or responding to acknowledge understanding, and asking open-ended questions to gain a deeper insight into their feelings.

Validate others’ emotions: Validation doesn’t mean you have to agree; it simply means acknowledging that the other person’s feelings are real and important. A phrase as simple as "I understand why you’d feel that way" can foster a greater connection and understanding.

4. Enhance Social Skills

Work on clear communication: Good social skills are essential for connecting with others. Communicating clearly, using appropriate body language, and being mindful of tone can greatly improve interpersonal relations.

Resolve conflicts constructively: Conflicts are inevitable, but emotionally intelligent people approach them with the goal of mutual understanding. This can be achieved through clear communication, compromise and a focus on finding a solution rather than assigning blame.

5. Stay Motivated and Goal-Oriented

Set personal goals: Emotionally intelligent people are often self-motivated. By setting specific, achievable goals, you give yourself a sense of direction that can drive positive emotions, particularly when progress is made.

Practise positive self-talk: The way you speak to yourself influences motivation. Encourage yourself with positive affirmations and constructive self-talk, especially in challenging times, to maintain your emotional balance and motivation.

6. Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Embrace setbacks as learning opportunities: People with high EQ view challenges and failures as opportunities for growth. Reflect on what went wrong and what you can improve, using setbacks to build resilience.

Seek continuous learning: Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be improved over time. Consider books, workshops, or coaching focused on personal development and emotional skills.

Emotional intelligence is an invaluable asset in today’s complex world. It enables people to connect deeply with others, manage stress effectively and approach challenges with a resilient and flexible mindset. While some people are naturally inclined toward high EQ, it is a set of skills that anyone can cultivate. By working on self-awareness, empathy, and self-regulation, and focusing on constructive communication, motivation, and growth, you can increase your emotional intelligence and, consequently, improve your quality of life and interactions.

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