Six Tips for Leading Your Least Favorite Employee

As leaders, we’ve all had employees that just weren’t our cup of tea (or coffee). They may be good at their job, but something about their personality gets under your skin. It’s okay not to like everyone you supervise. It’s bound to happen, especially when you lead larger teams. But just because an employee isn’t someone you want to hang out with, doesn’t mean you can’t have a productive relationship. It just takes a little extra effort to make sure you aren’t letting your feelings impact your actions.

1. Pinpoint the Problem

A good first step when supervising someone you don’t like is to figure out what exactly about them pushes your buttons. I had an employee once that was bright, motivated and consistently had good ideas. Sounds perfect... the only problem was, every time he opened his mouth, I could feel myself cringe. Since I’m not always known for having the best poker face, I was sure he would sense something was off. I had to step back and ask myself, why was I feeling this way? Did he remind me of someone else? Were we just too different or too much alike? Maybe it was our communication styles that didn’t jive. Whatever the reasons, it’s important to try and objectively figure out what may be triggering you so you can respond appropriately.

2. Be Observant

Is this problem unique to you or do you think it’s a bigger team issue? Watch for interactions in meetings and look for non-verbal ques that may be telling. If the employee seems to be universally off-putting, they may need coaching on their relational skills. However, if this seems to be primarily an issue for you, it probably requires further introspection on your part and a commitment to finding ways to move forward. 

3. Accentuate the Positive

While it is often easiest to connect with people that share our interests and perspectives, it's usually not good to surround yourself with a team that is all like-minded. Diversity in personalities, backgrounds, interests and thoughts lead to more creative and innovative problem solving. Let’s face it, no one really benefits from a team of yes-men. Ask yourself, what are the unique perspectives that this employee brings to the table? Do they challenge assumptions that results in asking better questions? Do they see opportunities from a different vantage point? Unless there is an issue with their performance, odds are they are adding value, even if at times it feels annoying to you.

4. Watch Out for Horns

You’re probably familiar with the horns effect and halo effect. It’s when we have a bias regarding an attribute or personality trait that can cloud our perception of someone’s abilities. Before you shoot the messenger, stop and ask yourself how you would feel if the message was delivered by someone else? I know I have been guilty of too quickly negating, or even supporting, ideas and projects based on my feelings towards the owner. Check to make sure you aren’t letting horns or halos influence your actions or evaluation of employee performance.

5. Talk About It

Once you've figured out what is setting you off, develop a response plan to keep your working relationship on track. Talking to the employee is often a good place to start. I once had a boss that took the time to identify how our differences in communication were impacting our working relationship. As the CFO, he was a real a numbers guy, and as the head of sales, I liked to sell my ideas with passion. He told me that the more passionate I was when I presented a concept to him, the more it made him want to pull back. Instead, he asked that I start with the facts and figures so he could more readily connect with my ideas. It was the best gift he could have given me! Once I understood what he needed from me, our meetings were more productive, and I felt more supported. Try sharing with your employee what you need. They may not be doing anything wrong, but just by using a different approach, you may connect and communicate better. 

Be sure to use this as an opportunity to find out what they need as well. I would bet they have ideas on how your relationship could be stronger. Really listen to their perspective and try to find ways that you can adjust to meet their needs. Having an open and candid conversation about your differences is a great first step in finding common ground.

6. Practice Makes Perfect

There is an old saying that smooth seas never made a skilled sailor. It’s certainly easier to manage a team of folks that you like (and that like you back). View this as an opportunity to strengthen your leadership skills. Push yourself to make a connection. Greet them warmly, show genuine interest in their development, and take time to recognize their efforts. In the end, they may never be your BFF (nor probably should they be), but they can be a great employee and a real asset to your team.

 Lisa Kogan-Praska is the Vice President of Client Strategy for illumyx, a culture consultancy focused on data-driven diagnostics, people analytics and targeted solutions that drive operational effectiveness and strengthen the employee experience.