Six Surprising Signs that Anxiety May Be Keeping You Away from Your Best Life

I was n a Highly Anxious Person (HAP) for most of my adult life.

It sucks. Things that seem simple to others are really complicated for me.?If something is actually complicated, I am not able to handle it at all.?Most of the tasks that I find complex have to do with navigating social interactions or taking calculated risks. So I find it difficult to level up in life. I am stuck in trying to grapple with my environment.

The logical levels of our mind. Image supplied by my Coach & friend Erol

I have to be careful I don’t resort to unethical ways to achieve my goals.

I come from India. Here 7% of the population is below poverty line so we think we have more pressing things to worry about. Anxiety is considered a rich wo(man)’s disease. We think it is wrong to talk about it.

But talk about it we must.

If you are someone who has trouble grappling with life, you can watch out for these surprising warning signs of anxiety.

1. You are terrified of the opposite gender

We’ve all been awkward teens. Our hormones run high & our interactions with the opposite sex are fraught with tension. Things settle down as we age. We stop craving the company of a good- looking boy/girl while breaking out in hives thinking about it. But for us HAPs the anxiety spills into later years. It can be embarrassing; those complicated interactions are like navigating a minefield. We HAPs are conscious of our every move. We feel like we are all wrong around the other gender. On the bad days we can’t even look them in the eye.

2. You lose your cool often

Anxiety means high stress. We HAPs feel threatened all the time by people or situations. We become vulnerable & targets of unkind bullies. We feel cornered more often. So we lash out sometimes like a provoked animal. That’s just our brain trying to protect us though. Over-reaction is a big sign of anxiety. Has over-reaction become so assimilated in your system that it is your normal? You may even be surprised when a well-meaning someone calls it out.

3. You people please

Even normies are caught in a worry trap involving people once in a while. But for us HAPs, thoughts of people & their reactions take centre stage and affect the daily humdrum. If these traits show up in you at alarming regularity it could be warning signs:

· You feel terrible about being disliked

· You try overtly hard to be accepted by a group of people

· You overcommit

· You cannot say NO

· You obsess over what others think of you

· You are highly judgemental

· You change your behaviour to be accepted by those you shouldn’t concern yourself with

· You accept full blame for a situation where it takes two to tango

· You don’t have a defined sense of self

· You don’t talk about your preferences in social situations

4. You are mean to those who matter

I remember being inconsiderate of my own for years. It was learnt behaviour. I didn’t get that it was abnormal to dis my own. Caught in people pleasing we HAPs vent on those already in our corner.

We have little control over our thoughts & their consequences. We judge with a fine comb, are nasty without intending hurt & then feel guilty. The targets of our cruelty are almost always our near & dear ones.

5. Social situations make you physically ill

HAPs are afraid to face social situations others look forward to. Like a drink with friends. I would feel queasy at the thought of social interactions to the point that I would get loosies. I am not kidding! Of course I couldn’t say no to the interactions because I was people pleasing. A perfect Catch 22! There is a reason why we HAPs fear socialising. People are sometimes mean to those suffering from anxiety. They catch onto our nervousness & treat it like a joke. Or worse, use it to control us. If they care, they handle us with kid gloves. We are made to feel different.

6. You are not cognizant of actual danger

This is kind of creepy but real. To us anxious the world is a scary place. Kind of like navigating a game of Resident Evil. Or like being Macaulay Culkin alone in New York city. Minus dad’s credit card of course. You get the drift…

We HAPs are on high alert all the time. Ironically this also means we are not mindful of our actual surroundings. Since we are on the lookout for fake scary things we are not cognisant of actual danger. So it always turns up unannounced.

7. You are terrified of heights

Many of us are. How do we know this indicates anxiety? The fear is irrational. I was scared of any height above 3–4 meters. I remember being forced to do an exercise in gym class where I had to climb a really short tree. I almost passed out in fear. Flying is a scary experience. I am even distressed by the thought of mountains.

If you identify with more than one of these warning signs you may identify as an HAP. All the more important you are kind to yourself. It is a condition you don’t have complete control over. But once you know, you can take necessary steps to cure yourself.

If you don’t identify with any of this that’s a great relief. I am happy for you. You may have seen one or more of these traits in a friend however. How can you help them? By giving them a long rope when the signs start to show. And being there when they are ready to talk/ get help.

I write an independent newsletter on Sub stack — Ethical Badass Tales. It is for those who follow my writing because it helps them overcome specific ethical challenges. So I tend to write more detailed stuff. I will share there a few routines & strategies I used to handle my anxiety better.

By the way I write other cool stuff too. If you want to check out & subscribe, this is the link?Ethical Badass Tales