Six Recalibrations to get Success Back on Track

In my last post, I outlined six misconceptions that stifle success.  They are:

• Pleasure equals happiness
• Opinion equals fact
• Winning equals success
• Autonomy equals freedom
• Convenience equals peace of mind
• Legal equals ethical

When we use words without concern for their meaning, we deprive ourselves of the ability to think clearly.  We confuse goals with side-effects, assets with obstructions, and benefits with pitfalls.  We sabotage our own success because we aren’t clear about where we’re going or how we’re going to get there.

When we mistake happiness for pleasure, we end up chasing after instant gratification, which is emotional junk food.  When we don’t consider ourselves winners unless someone else is losing, we drive away potential allies and advocates.  When we refuse to reexamine our opinions, we are often denying reality.

The belief that freedom means no restrictions destroys discipline and makes us slaves to our bad habits.  The notion that convenience leads to tranquility leaves us unable to cope with life’s difficulties and disappointments.  And exploiting legal loopholes makes us untrustworthy and untrusted.

So let’s get down to definitions.

What is happiness?

Happiness comes from living a purposeful existence and the sense that we are making a positive difference in the world.  It has nothing to do with momentary highs and lows and it isn’t dependent upon other people.  On the contrary, truly happy people are less interested in seeking out thrills and pleasures, and they do much better managing pain and pressure.  Happiness is the byproduct of a living a good life; to pursue it as a goal is a fruitless as a dog chasing its own tail.

What is fact?

Facts are reality -- what the world is, not what we think it is or what we would like it to be.  People’s belief in a flat earth, a geocentric universe, evil spirits, and extraterrestrials doesn’t make them true.  Reasoned conclusions are built upon solid information, which doesn’t reliably arrive through forwarded emails.  Just visit snopes.com for countless examples.  Then make sure your opinions are well-informed and well-thought-through.  And remember what Abraham Lincoln said:  Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.

What is success?

Imagine you bumped into an old pal from college who told you that your former roommate, Bob, had become “incredibly successful.”  Then you found out that Bob was neither rich nor famous.  Would you think you had been misled?  But what if Bob is a school teacher, a firefighter, or decorated career military officer; what if he has earned the respect and admiration of his friends, is seen as a pillar of his community, has raised a family with love and integrity, and takes tremendous satisfaction in all his accomplishments?  Would he really be better off with a Maserati and his picture on the cover of People?  Would he really be more admirable for having stepped on and crushed his opposition as he climbed the ladder of success?

What is freedom?

In short, freedom is the ability to choose your own master.  We have to follow the laws of our country, meet the expectations of our employer, and the honor the requirements of the schools we attend.  If we don’t want to, we can go somewhere else.  But to reject all authority will put us at odds with surrounding society, usually with unpleasant results.  Simply stated, freedom is the ability to choose between right and wrong, which is only possible when we have lucid definitions of those terms as well, and which always carries consequences.

What is peace of mind?

“No worries, mate?”  Guess again.  A life with no problems sounds nice, but not so nice if we consider a life with no challenges, no unfulfilled goals, no sense of purpose.  Which brings us back to happiness.  No clearer formulation can be found than the prayer generally attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr:  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

What are ethics?

Well, this is a tough one to put into a single, short paragraph.  The talmudic sage Hillel famously said, What is hateful in your eyes, don’t do to your neighbor.  The Talmud itself adjures us to go beyond the letter of the law by interpreting the intent of the law.  Mark Twain remarked, Always do right; you will gratify some and astonish the rest.  Ultimately, integrity is doing the right thing when we think no one is watching.  However, as we said concerning freedom, we need to know what’s right before we can do it.

Clear and correct definitions enable us to keep our moral compass pointed in the right direction.  And only with a clear moral compass will we avoid running aground as we navigate the waters that can carry us to the safe harbor of personal and professional success and happiness.

What words or concepts do you see others conflate? What terms and ideas are you unsure how to define yourself? Please leave your comments below.

Yonason Goldson -- Keynote Speaker with 3000 years’ Experience

Visit me at yonasongoldson.com and request my free ebook, The Three Pillars of Success, to learn how ethics, communication, and personal responsibility form the foundation of any successful enterprise.