sitting

sitting, 

silently collecting the dust

of being of nothing

between the tips

of my fingers,

twisting away the rough

edges

i could be smoking a cigarette

or drinking a beer

instead

sitting, so much to think about

its better to not

as you will invade

the privacy

i locked you out of

for fear of turning

into love

sitting, 

silently i mouth your name

hoping to come

to my senses and

stop dreaming

but

you never vanish

you never go away