Sitting on a Comma?

My career has been punctuated by many great experiences, achievements and professional relationships. I consider myself fortunate to have done great things and worked with great people. I am also greatly humbled to have been able to contribute, help and serve so many people through my work. I am grateful for my career story with all of its chapters.?

However, it hasn’t all been wins and victories. There have also been times in my career where I was displaced, lost or unclear as to what direction to go next. Some of these times were outside of my control, with two layoffs in my career timeline. Other times I decided to turn down an opportunity. There have also been times where I have walked away from roles that I had outgrown or that had outgrown me. Regardless, I found myself in times of transition. These pauses were rarely comfortable. While describing this to a mentor one day, she described these transitions as a series of “natural pauses”. I call them, “sitting on a comma?”. There I was, with my career progress paused by a life-sized comma, sitting on top of it with my chin in my palm.?

Unfortunately, this has recently become the case for a large number of Americans, as well as our fellow humans around the world. And the number will grow. No one had this planned. No one wanted this to happen. No one could have possibly seen this coming. Many people probably didn’t have a backup plan, either. Those who did have discovered that plan won’t be viable either. So here you are… sitting on your own comma. Perhaps this is your first one? Or perhaps you’re putting your palm to your head and asking yourself how this could happen to you AGAIN.

I’m no expert on what to do next. It is also my belief that THIS time, many of those old rules won’t apply anyway. Unfortunately, we are in unprecedented times. I can’t tell you what to do or how to do it. But what I can do is share my own experience with my own commas. My goal is not to judge or criticize you. My goal is not to make you feel happy or optimistic. My goal is to show you that you’re not alone. Your comma isn’t a character assassination. Your comma isn’t a judgment. Your comma isn’t the end of your story… because stories don’t end with commas.?

Here’s what I can tell you about sitting on a comma?. It’s not a comfortable seat, especially if, like me, you place a strong emphasis on your professional identity. The comma represents loss of that identity. The comma represents inactivity. The comma represents uncertainty. The comma drops your social status. The comma represents a change in your financial status. The comma brings all kinds of beliefs, emotions, and dynamics into your life. It’s amazing how much noise can fall into that gap. Truthfully, the comma does not change your status, value or worth.

Now that you’re here, it is important to recognize what the comma is and what the comma is not. The comma is a reality; it is not a punishment. The comma is unfortunate; it is not some type of destiny or fate. The comma is a pause, not a stop. Yes, the comma represents an end to what you had before. However, the comma also signals that there is still more to come in your life story. The comma presents opportunity. I won’t try to convince you that everything will magically happen; that you should feel wonderful about all that will come to you in the future. It will take work, strength and guts. I won’t tell you to set rigid goals and grind determinately through each day, trying to force your will into being. My experience tells me that you will do this anyway. You’ll push and pull and jump and run to try to make progress. Do what you need to do while you’re sitting on your comma, but don’t lose sight of the bigger picture.?

The comma presents many dilemmas. What is the goal for next steps? Where do you want to land? What activities will it take to get there? What should you do with the extra time? What is the right balance between finding the next opportunity and taking advantage of the extra free time? What activity is productive and what is not? What about all of these feelings and emotions? What about your financial situation? How to pay the bills? How to support, and be supported by dependents, loved ones, family and friends? So many unanswered questions. All of this adds so much weight to the comma. How do you answer these questions, filter through the noise and manage the emotions??

You will find your own answers, with the help of trusted friends, advisors, colleagues and your network. But while you are working through the process, remember a few key things to help you ground yourself.?Be patient?with yourself. This can often be the hardest part. When sitting on a comma?, we tend to measure ourselves against those who are not sitting on a comma?. Stop. That. The success of others is not your concern right now.?Feel your feelings. Sitting on the comma? can really suck. Accept that and move on. You will get angry and frustrated. Let it happen and remind yourself that feelings are just feelings. It’s okay to feel them but think twice before ACTING on them. Give yourself space to feel the feelings so that they can process through and then out of the way.?Allow things to unfold. A compelling tendency when sitting on a comma is to work twice as hard to get off the comma. Productivity is important, but it is also important to remember that some things will be out of your control.?Give it time. You may have a detailed action plan for your next steps, or you may be working through a process to figure it all out. Either way, allow it to unfold.?Trust yourself. You have a track record of success. You’ve been through challenges before. You have safety barriers built into your character based on successful habits. These will prevent you from falling off the comma in dangerous ways. You may not be able to see the future right now, but you are not likely going to fall into your worst possible scenario (even though it may feel like it). But here’s a secret… even if you do, you… will… still… figure… that… out… too!!!

What do you want to do with your comma? Find another job? Start a business? Change careers? Transition out of full-time work? Secure temporary work for the short term? Something else? Allow yourself to explore other possibilities. Now you have the time to think about it, whether you wanted the time or not. When it’s time for you to get off the comma, you may return to what you like and want to do. You may make some compromises. You may experiment with something new, different and uncomfortable. You may do something you never thought you would do. But I can tell you from my own experiences, you will be okay. You will adapt. You will continue. Your story has more to be written.?

Remember that this is just a comma, no matter how small or large. You’re sitting on one and you’re in good company. In this 2020 coronavirus crisis, there are a lot of commas out there. Take a deep breath. Give yourself a break. Look, listen, process, think, and rest. All stories have dark chapters and light ones. Your story will continue. So, get comfortable with being uncomfortable for a while. Take some time to study your comma. Find a comfortable spot to sit on your comma. Embrace your comma as your temporary reality. If you know someone else who is sitting on a comma, show them yours and compare notes. They will appreciate the support. Someday you’ll be telling your own stories about what you did while you were sitting on a comma?.?

Best wishes to you. You have my support!