Sinking to Rise Again

I've had these words in my heart for some time now. They need a release and so I write. Many may not know that I struggle with anxiety and depression but I do. As of lately, the pressure has gotten overwhelming and I have found myself in a sunken place. Unable to pull myself out completely.

I have fairly good days and moments of happiness but there are lows. Those lows can be life-altering. As of lately, I've found myself in the midst of loss. But haven't we all lost something. My loss is no more significant than anyone else's.

I am writing because I found inspiration in my garden. I found a way out of my sunken place (at least for now)

It was thriving. I had a harvest. The vegetables were great! In full bloom before it all went to hell. My husband had our roof cleaned. All of the chemicals got on my plants and killed months of hard work within hours. I was crushed. I started over. I replanted. I had to pull some of the plants up from the roots; some of the roots came up and died on the top soil. It was a process to get it clean and back in working order. I had nowhere for those emotions to go, so I put the energy back in to planting.

New life was forming in my garden and then, out of nowhere, the temperature dropped. We had some cool weather come through Florida and the few plants I had, died in the evening. By morning, they were brown and falling of the stems. All my hard work. Gone. Again.

I planed new plants. The cabbage was gorgeous and my Spinach was strong. I celebrated.

In the night, the neighborhood cat decided at that moment to make my garden his litter box. The cat urine killed my cabbage and my spinach and ruined the soil. I was on the verge of losing everything all over again. This time I cried. For a few hours.

Later, I moved the soil around. I had to saturate it with water. I replanted. I can now say that my garden is thriving once again but it isn't the same. I can tell that it died many times. I can see every time I had to start over. I knew where the other plants were planted and I knew they weren't there anymore. This was a moment of clarity for me.

No matter how many times life may make me feel like it's over. There is always new life to bring forth. This has no LinkedIn value. It isn't about education or a job. It isn't about my Podcast. It isn't about fighting for change. It's simply about using the things around you to remind you to be patient, have grace and never be afraid to reset, clean your soil and plant new seeds.

Danielle