I've got 99 problems, being single isn't one of them.

August 4th- Single Working Women’s Day. A day that I feel talks to me personally. It’s of course, due to my single status- the never married kind of single.

In the past I have shared several stories, as well as written articles about the workplace experiences in which I have captured the stories of single women, mine included. (You can read more here ).

While my single status has been a question mark for many, for me personally it has never been a point of contention. I had decided very early on in life that I would not follow a laid-out track unless I was convinced about it. While of course, I am a great believer in the institution of marriage, I did not find it to be relevant in the context of my life’s purpose and journey. And hence never took the plunge, while at what is generally considered to be the right marriageable age, the rest of my friends and cousins were getting married.

In the past few years, people have expressed curiosity, but I never really felt like I was being judged. Watched but never judged. Until recently.

I was denied membership into a charitable organization, as the authorities were of the strong opinion that single women break homes! Once I got over the shock of it (I sometimes still do get angry), I started to reflect more deeply about the implications of such thinking- the why’s and the impact of it. And that’s what I would like to offer in this article. (A disclaimer- some of these are equally applicable to single men as well).

1)????To start with, Singlism is not a problem that needs solving. Being single is MY Choice, as is the case with many others. People just cannot fathom that marriage is not the only route or the epitome of contentment or happiness. Rather, happiness is a state of mind, which can be found only and only within. No other person can help you find it. If one is looking for someone else to fill a void or making another responsible for experiencing the simple joys of life. To have fulfilling relationships also, centeredness is a pre-requisite. All philosophical thoughts point us to finding that inner space, which is joyful.

It’s important to recognize that finding a partner is not the sole purpose of a single person’s life! Or even a goal to begin with!

2)????Another point is that we feel safe around people who fit into certain boxes or with whom there is a certain commonality. When we meet a person who does not ‘fit’ in with what we know as true, there is confusion. And in an attempt to get them to fit in, there are efforts made to help the single person find the ‘right match’. Blind dates are fixed, marriage alliances are searched for, lots (oh and I mean lots!) of counselling and advice is offered on why it was important to ‘settle down’.

It’s most exhausting! I cannot stress enough on that. Trust a single person when they say they are not ready. They will tell you when they are.

3)????Be mindful of how you satisfy your curiosity. Single people often do not ask married people why they got married. I think it’s only fair that we are afforded the same privacy and not constantly being asked to justify our lives choices. The pressure of being under the scanner all the time is just not the right way to live. In fact, some people I know have gotten married only to escape this pressure.

4)????And this one is for the other single people. Enjoy your status. Wear it proudly on your sleeve. There are so many benefits! Personally, I really enjoy the fact that I can and have moved cities or gone on vacations almost as overnight decisions. I love having the time and space to pursue so many other interests, which may not have been possible otherwise and oh, yes, have the luxury of having parallel careers.

I want to end with these few lines:

When you are single, people want you to get married.

When you are married, people want you to have children.

When you have children, people will have lots of advice on parenting.

All I want to be, is ME! I am not another You.?