SINGLE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN WANT TO KNOW “WHAT HAPPEN TO ALL THE GOOD WISE MEN”?

They are either really buff and not that bright, or their really bright and have commitment issues!

Let’s face it, the holidays get closer, and singleness sort of sucks! You want someone sitting next to you during thanksgiving dinner or standing next to you at all those Christmas parties. You desire someone to tell you how gorgeous you look in that dress, and how badly they want to get you out of it! YES, desire for each other! Most single women want the kind of man who sees her for who she truly is. The kind of man that adds excitement and value to her life. You know that man that sees her from across the room and knows the perfect thing to say to save her from the family drama, or those awkward questions. But where are all the good men? Where are the men that have bodies and brains? Where are the men that don’t have commitment issues…? or “mommy issues” lol.

Truth be told, it really is exhausting as a single, independent women who is looking for a date during the holidays. Or any days for that matter. Going to an event or outing when you’re single, you are well aware that the questions that are coming…

 “Why are you still single?”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Girl, when are you going to get out there and start dating again?”

“Don’t you get lonely?”

“Don’t you get horny?”

Uh, like seriously I can’t tell you how many single, independent women are sick of these questions! YES! We are obviously still single! And YES! We are always (secretly) looking around! And YES! We get lonely…sometimes! And YES! We go on more dates than we liked to admit! But it is quite exhausting, and to have everyone expecting you to show up with a guy just for the sake of not being the 3rd, 5th, or 9teenth wheel, is even more draining than it is going on all those dates!

Those of you who have been with someone for the last decade, let me just say that dating is not what it used to be. Work it out! Be happy with what you have and make the best of it. Because of people out here? People in the dating scene today? Are all kinds of fucked up in the head! It’s as though men have become completely clueless about what they want. What they want in life and what they want in a partner! Not to mention their intentions………I don’t even think they know what their intentions are anymore! Like, I thought “dating” was the stage where you go and meet different people to see whom you connect with. Then when two people feel a real connection and want to move forward to the next stage, they make a commitment to one another. I guess courting and seeing each other go beyond just socializing and getting to know one another. Today it’s like going to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and trying out every freaking flavor but choosing the damn hard candy that only cost .02 cents! WTF!! If you were going to choose the cheapest piece of candy, why didn’t you even visit the factory? Seriously a waste of my time! 

BTW, we are confident enough to realize that the issue is not with us, but it is with you and your lack of confidence in yourself! We actually enjoy being alone more than we enjoy the drama of dating. Yes, of course, we desire companionship, but at what cost? We will not downplay our character to appease you and your silly mind games. Truth be told, we worked so damn hard to get where we are, hoping to find the perfect mate, that we don’t want to settle for anyone who will destroy what we’ve accomplished thus far! As single, successful women, our happiness means much more than a temporary feeling of excitement that may (or may not!) happen in the bedroom. Settling…. is NOT an option!

Here’s the thing, when you’ve spent some time alone with yourself, you get this desire for life. I can’t explain it. But I can tell you this when you’ve been single for a while, you never want to lose yourself to someone who doesn’t have the same vision, desire, or values for life that you hold. This feeling is only something you can understand when you’ve spent enough time “alone and happy”.  That’s right, I said alone and happy!

Most independent women who have been single for some period of time have learned to embrace every season with integrity. They go through struggles and regain strength each day that is indescribable. It is not something you can teach but must live to understand. Basically, we cling to life with grace and eagerness for more experiences and lessons. Because we realize that “we grow through what we go through”. And honestly, we just don’t want someone to come along for the ride with us, who can’t handle the driver’s seat without crashing into the same damn building! In most cases, these women have already been with a man who drove her through the wall more than once. Quite frankly, she is tired of cleaning up the damage. So as the saying goes, “we would much rather be single than settled”. Truth is that self-sufficient women don’t want someone who can’t handle the struggles of life. Life happens all the time and if a man can’t be strong and walk forward confidently in the struggles, why would she need him?

Funny isn’t it, they say men want to feel “needed”, but most men don’t understand how to get women to even want them around, much less need them around. They think if they give a little “love” they will get sex, and everyone will be happy. Lol, Well, you are sorely mistaken! That whole “Give love for sex” guy’s, that shit isn’t working anymore! They have toys that work magic for women today. Just saying! And do you even know what “love” is? Because it starts with RESPECT!

So, why am writing this article? How did this topic even make it into my blog? Well, at 5am in the morning I am scrolling through Facebook and this ad popped up. Obviously, another coaching ad! She claimed to be offering help to all the “Independent single women who struggled to find a real man”. So, I decided to read into the comments, because there was no way I was clicking that link! “Who said I was struggling to find a man? Why is this ad in my feed?” (scratching my head, rolling my eyes)

So, the creator continued to speak of how she was this “Single independent women” who moved and traveled for a year until she met this “great guy”! Then she proceeded to explain how she ended up with him and they moved in together after only 3 months! HELLO! WAIT! WHAT? WTF! Can someone say RED FLAG????!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY!! So quick to move in with each other! So, let me get this straight! This is a “Successful and Independent woman who is selling a program for women to “give up control” so she can be with a real man?” Umm…I’d love to be a fly on the wall at her house today! LOL Listen, real men don’t need you to give up control! Real men want powerful women and visa-versa! They need each other because they fuel one another. Bottom line! Men today who find successful women intimidating will always fight and argue with her because they feel this need to “win” with no real purpose at the end. It’s very narcissistic. If you are giving up control for any man, your weak and more codependent than independent! 

“Where are all the good guys?” You ask Well, apparently…. They’re being babied by mama and society makes it okay!

I don’t know why, but society says we are too tough on men yet, when people have kids, parents tend to baby the boys and are a little tougher on the girls. (In most homes) It’s true! I have witnessed this in my own family and in many of my friend’s family’s. And after reading all the comments in that ad, it is clear to me that this is a trend happening in many homes today! Moms and dads teach girls that if they fall, they must “be a big girl” “be strong” and “get back up”. While boys get picked up and mommy kisses their boo-boos.

I mean, look let’s face it, girls are the ones that go through menstrual cramping that begins at 11 years old (sometimes younger). Then there is sex for the first time. That can be sort of painful, not pleasurable. (Unless he knows what he is doing). Then there is the big one…pregnancy! Giving birth sucks! It is painful as hell. But the second we see our beautiful little angel and hold them for the first time, the pain just vanishes! (Well…not really!) But we have to heal quickly because when we get out of the hospital, we have to take care of that baby and the rest of the household. Let’s get real people! Women are fucking amazing strong human beings who do amazing things every single day! We don’t really “NEED” anyone! We are taught at an incredibly young age to deal with pain and to keep moving forward. Society is so twisted that they try to make women objects of beauty but never strength. Although more and more women are coming out and sharing their voices. Society wants women looking pretty and staying dumb. And unfortunately, some girls still play the role, and these are the girls our men are settling for. You can call me mean, caddy, stuck up, or even a bitch, I honestly don’t care. Most of you know I am right! Men choose simple, insecure, girls that go through the motions of life over women who take on life. And when confident women let insecure men into our life, they only tear us down leaving us to start all over again!

In my opinion, men do this because it is much easier to be with someone who will “go with the flow”, then it is to be with someone who will challenge them. Not a lot of people like change, and a challenging woman means change! Uh, Men! You are gorgeous, masculine, powerful beings! Where do I start? Where are you, strong men? What are you all thinking? You are either really buff and not that bright, or really bright and have commitment issues!”. Why?

Men who have genes to be masculine, creative, powerful beings, have become weak at the heart because they are being babied and “mothered” instead of nurtured into greatness! They don’t experience pain at a young age because mommy and daddy do everything for them. It starts at home but then they get into relationships and girls mother them. Why has relationship thought resorted to “all men want is someone to cook, clean, and have children”? Is that what we live for today? Is that it? Com’on! You have to know there is more to life than just work, sex, and having kids!!! Furthermore, why is it so difficult for you to know what kind of women you want? Why do so many men cheat today? It is like a normal thing that is accepted! What happened to our Warriors? We have women that are brave enough to go to war and you can’t even choose what women you want to be with? That is sad! Really, really sad!

Here’s the issue! Strong, independent women who want a partner, do NOT want to mother their partner! I can’t believe the number of people who have baby boys, and they treat them like they are fragile little glass dolls that will break easily! The worse part is that even some churches try to preach story’s about how women were made for men. “To assist her man” and it is taken completely out of context! Men let’s be clear on something, we were not created to pick you up off the floor every time you mess up! Women, stop! That is why they think it is okay to keep making mistakes because we keep taking them back! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! Men need to be held accountable for their actions too!

“But he is so hot! And he said it was going to be different this time…he chose me over her….”

Blah blah blah! Seriously?“ Look, if a man gets divorced, or loses his wife and becomes a single dad, watch all the people who surround him to help. But if a woman becomes a single mom overnight, forget it! “She’ll figure it out!” It really is uncanny to me how we have come to a society where it is okay for men to cry and get a pity party thrown for him! While women are told they must pick their shit up and move forward! So, basically, women have to “suck it up” but men, well “don’t worry, we’ll suck it up for you!” 

LOL SERIOUSLY???? Stop raising your sons to be lazy, needy, disrespectful, controlling, narcissistic, ass holes!!! There I said it! They need to learn to think for themselves, respect women, build something, create something, have integrity and awareness, and most of all; when he fails, let him fail again and again until he picks HIMSELF up! Stop helping boys remain boys and allow them to become men! Women want warriors at their side. We want men we can rely on, depend on, feel safe with, and trust to always make wise decisions. Women do not desire men who are feeble, pathetic, scared, depressed boys. Raise your daughters like Vikings, I don’t care, but you must raise your boys to be a hero too! You will be doing his future self, and future wife a huge favor!!!

“MAN UP”!

Today most men don’t like competition because they’re not used to competition. They’re being patronized by women! And when life comes around and smacks them in the face, they throw a fit or end up with addictions instead of facing it! They crawl into a hole and cry “depression” and then end up on a dating site talking about his “psychotic ex”! All that fit throwing and blame game to get a new girlfriend making her his new psychotic ex! Most men today can’t handle “real” hard work, and they are big baby’s when life gets a little difficult. All because of this ‘baby like attitude’, we are surrounded by little boys who just want to keep crying to mommy! It is exhausting and embarrassing to us women to be quite frank! I always thought partners were supposed to build each other up. Well, I guess not. Instead women are just supposed to lower their standards, so men feel better about their lack of excitement and respect for their other half.

Yea, umm, does no one see the issue yet?

And to the lady’s out there, stop mothering your boyfriends! It’s pathetic! You demean him and steal his manhood! And you make yourself look gullible in the process! Do you want to know where all the good men are? Hello? You're raising them, choosing them, and treating them like fragile little baby’s! Okay, so maybe it is not always the parents and girlfriends’ fault. Maybe partly its society today, twisting what relationships should look like. Maybe it’s teachers and leaders too. Teachers tell our teenage girls that “they are raising the bar too high and they need to lower it because no one will ever measure up”. Society is so twisted they tell girls, “Be confident enough to take care of everyone, but not too confident that you build yourself up too high!” Then they call them stuck up! LOL OH, And men, “Don’t worry too much about anything! Don’t be under pressure because that is unhealthy for you!” What twisted theory’s we live in today!

As a single mom and independent woman who has been in the dating scene for a while now, I can tell you this… “PEOPLE ARE CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO DATING”! If you really want to find someone special for the holidays, remember you have to first know what the hell you want. Furthermore, you need to know what you NEED in a partner. And I am sorry, but sex and attraction fade people! So you better have more than just a physical attraction and sex drive! If you know what you want and need, you won’t have to settle or give up control to anyone. I honestly don’t know why any person would ever give that kind of advice to anyone! I think these dating coaches need counseling themselves. I don’t even know how anyone would be so stupid to pay for their services! Do you want some advice? Here is some free advice for you….” Every person should be able to be their true selves in a relationship. You should be whole before you meet someone. A partner just adds to your already perfect and amazing life”. Once you feel you trust another person enough to take their advice that is one thing but to relinquish control? That sounds a little off to me. If it is a real true connection and partnership, yes, of course, you will make compromises. But you should never have to compromise yourself for another person. Don’t do that!

Our twisted society makes it okay to twist our genders around and that is not okay. You get to choose your men, and you get to raise little men the way you see fit when you have a son. But raise men you will be proud of! What example of a man are you presenting to your kids? Start choosing to live your life with the qualities you desire most. And stop allowing your partners to choose the quality of life you’re going to live. If you don’t want to be alone for too many more holidays’, pick men who are worthy of your greatness, not men who shoot your greatest qualities down! While all us single, straight independent women are still sitting here seriously confused, waiting for a good strong independent man,

Inquiring minds still want to know …… WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD WISE MEN????