Single Parents Must Understand, Their Is No Courage Without Fear

Single parenting presents a cadre of emotions. Fear is the main one. Fears of pressures, societal outlooks, and financial concerns are a few.

Fear is an emotion that is an indicator, a detriment, and a driver. It indicates the possibilities of danger. Our brains have been hardwired for centuries to adhere to it. Over time it’s become a detriment to many. ?Some have used the feeling to justify regression or stagnation. Some allow fear to keep them playing small or choosing never to enter the arena at all.

It's an overwhelming emotion. It causes some to seek outlets they believe will help them cope with the feeling. The thought of a single parent is to devise a way to put the monster of fear in a cage. How one chooses to do it matters. Some don’t realize that certain actions only enlarge the problem verses reducing it.

The emotion can cause mental challenges. Sometimes resulting in people using various concoctions to administer a false sense of courage. Dr. Rajita Sinha of Yale University’s Department of Psychiatry, discusses the connection between increased drug usage, stress, anxiety, and fear.

Fear is a stressor the brain uses to help manage responses to circumstances. According to Dr. Kerry J. Ressler, a Ph.D. of Emory University’s Howard Hughes Medical Institute, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, in reference to research on the amygdala region (where fear is manifested). He discuses this in his article written in Biological Psychiatry.

Ressler states, “For example Pavlovian conditioned fear responses support a range of defensive behaviors, such as freezing, fear-potentiated startle, aggression, and avoidance. Active avoidance, while sometimes detrimental (in that avoidance can impede extinction of fear), may also be protective."

Fear will cause people to react in many ways to avoid the feeling. Single parents cannot afford to go down this road. I know. It was the road I took for months after my wife died. I was left to raise two daughters on my own. The feeling of fear was overwhelming.

In the beginning, drinking and chronic marijuana smoking pushed the demons down. Over time, instead of putting fear in a cage, it cornered me. My actions led to addictions and poor decision making.

Although fear is a natural response to the new world of single parenting, do not choose the self-medicating route. Seek assistance of professionals to help you navigate through the feelings. Therapist, faith-based organizations, and trusted communities are better options to offer help to better manage the annals of single parenting.

Single parents must embrace the fear. Use it to motivate progress. Fear can be transformed into strength. Use its power to drive you forward, instead of allowing it to push you down or stagnate you.

Do not let your fear control you. Become the driver of the fear. As Dr. Susan Jeffers stated, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”? The result is empowering. Fear can lead you into a direction that culminates into growth. As I continued to journey along my path, fear opened into a series of gifts, talents, and skills that I never knew I possessed. ?

I have written books, and articles. I podcast, speak to audiences, and I have also learned several personal skills. Becoming an excellent cook is one. Others are a sense of self-confidence, resilience, and a lasting bond with my daughters.

Making the choice to use fear against it, is challenging but doable. The choice is something you possess. When you make the hard decision, it becomes the easier path over time. The decision to confront fear, becomes a doorway to infinite possibilities. Do not block your own path by attempting to evade the fear. The attempts to avoid the inevitable only worsens the feeling. Be the driver, instead of the passenger.

Believe in yourself. Have faith in your convictions and laugh in the face of fear. Fear hates when you make the decision to fight back. Each time you do, you shrink the feeling and increase your sense of self-worth. Simply feel the fear and do it anyway. The advice is sound and empowering.

?Written by

J. Lewis III (Grief Empowerment Strategist)