Single Mum. Single Parenting

The last 5 weeks has been for me, an un-asked for opportunity to understand the difficulty that #singleparents experience. India in Lockdown has meant, that my husband who is away in another country for work, has been unable to join me or visit his family, at a time when he needs us, as much as we him. This will be the case for my many of us. For others, it will be because of relationships that did not work, making single-parenting an inevitability.

What I am learning every day is that, while we do it all, we must remember to practice self-forgiveness for all that we think we get wrong, while acknowledging all that we do get right. Let go of #perfectparenting and surrender to #goodenoughparenting. 

We must be mindful and ask ourselves, what two or three fundamental things we need to get through this time, and then give ourselves that. For me, one of the things is time alone. I must start the day on my terms, and so I wake up before my children to savor the peace and quiet of a new day. Often I meditate during this time.

Staying connected to friends and family and allowing their love and support to get through to us is also vital. We need community, and while there is no denying our isolation, now more than ever, reaching out to people who genuinely care for us, is strengthening.

It is ok to be #vulnerable. In fact acknowledging vulnerability takes enormous courage, and it shows strength; the strength to face up to the truth of us.  Take it a step further and ask for support from family, friends and/or from a Counselor; these past few weeks, I have leaned on all and am the better for it.

Mental Wellness is vital to our Wellbeing and enables us to be better parents and people.

We can do it! Day at a time; with space for our mistakes, the things we get right, yelling, tears, laughter, frustration, action, non-action, gratitude, misery, vulnerability, strength.

Here is an affirmation to tell ourselves every day: “I Am Enough”

This poem, “Mother Goddess: Birthed by Covid 19” is for single mothers, written bearing in mind her enormous strength, courage, flaws and vulnerabilty. No one is perfect, and nor should we be.

Mother Goddess: Birthed By Covid 19

I am the Mother Goddess

The one who Cares

Terrible in her ferociousness

Wrathful in her rage.

I am the Mother Goddess,

The one who Protects

The one who must be Hunter & Gatherer

The one who must be cook, cleaner and minder

I am the Mother Goddess, Savage in her Care

I am the Mother Goddess

Who grew up a Princess and inherited a Kingdom

I am the Mother Goddess who must Rule without her consort.

The Mother Goddess who will raise her Children around the sound of her Command

the energy of her Action

the Doing of her deeds.

I am the Mighty

The onion slicing, chocolate-cake baking

Mask wearing ,sanitized wiping

Dal making, pot scouring , kitchen scrubbing, dispenser of hugs.

The sop to tears, the arms to her children.

A whisky swilling, cigarette smoking , Mother Goddess Am I

Who leads her Charge through a Battle the World was not prepared for

Least of all She.

The mother Goddess who rages, who wins each day and must rise to do it again.

Whose tears stain her pillow

Whose smile must kindle her children, whose love must uphold them.

I am the Mother Goddess with clay feet

The one who gets it Wrong. The one who gets it Right

I am She who is formidable. I am She who will Endure. I am She that weeps.

I am she whose Spirit will triumph.

I am the Mother to my children who may love me or revile me.

I am the Mother Goddess who will lead her Charge,

Raise them Free to be Beings of their Own,

Who if they choose to never look back

Will accept,

Because she Reigned as she knew how

I am Shakti, I am Kali, I am Mother Mary

I am my children’s Mother.