Single Mothers; the backbone of our economy.

I know there are many issues attached to the phrase “single mother” but I will avoid going down that rabbit hole as so far not a single person has returned.

Now that we have the most contentious issue off the table let me proceed with what I want to say about who really is the backbone of the economy, specifically in Kenya which is the area I am familiar with.

For all intents and purposes, I was brought up by a single parent, my mother, as my father terminated the marital contract as dictated by the law and the bible “till death do us part”, a part of the wedding vows that many who claim to be practicing Christians seem to ignore. ?I believe that even Jesus was confronted with exactly the same issue by the scribes.

So, when I was 5 years old, my father passed away and left my mother alone with 5 children to take care of, even though my father's clan had given her the option to hand over the children and walk away, not only did she refuse to do so but also went a step further and took the clan to court.?Remember, this was in 1972/3 which was a time when women only existed as an extension of the husband.

She nonetheless decided to take the bull by the horns and she won, getting full custody of her 5 children whom she would now need to fend for all on her own.

A little background, my father was a pilot with East African Airways so that should tell you what our standard of living must have been.?

I am the fourth of the five children of my mother and until I was born my mother was a housewife but for some reason, after I was born, she decided to go back to work, a decision that made it possible for her to resist the intentions of her husband’s clan as well as not having to return to her ancestral home and burden her aging parents with her family.

Not once, did I ever feel that I lacked as my mother made sure I had a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes in my back, and shoes on my feet not to forget an education.

So, as you can hopefully understand, I was brought up by a strong hard-working woman who would do anything to protect her children irrespective of what the odds were all without having to depend on a man’s wallet.

For those who have read this far, this is not a “heart” story, as Bernard Chiira would say but the setting of context to the rest of the article.

A few days before I penned this article two things happened, in one, someone on social media posted the following statement;

“If you see a woman hustling, she is likely a single mother”

Whereas the other was a married female friend saying that she wanted to resign from her job because it was tiring, I asked her;

“Would you make the same decision if you were a single mother?”

She responded no, I wonder what she would have told her husband if he had come home and told her that he wanted to resign and stay at home because the work was tiring.

Those two incidences got me thinking about my mother and what she went through as well as turning it into an opportunity to carry out a survey.

Looking around at my female friends and acquaintances I took an inventory of the number of single mothers and realized that they were very many, from the lady who cleans my office (she works 3 jobs) to the lady who sells me my insurance.?I also took time to raise the question with other women some of whom I had just met such as one selling fruits on the street of Nairobi who was turned out to be a single mother of two.??

Don’t worry, I broached the question with decorum as would be expected of one who was well brought up.

I also spent some time at one of my client’s offices which has an extremely high number of female employees, doing a quick count it could be 90/10.?Since I have worked with the organisation for over 20 years, I know most of the staff very well most of whom have been there the entire time.

When I tallied the numbers, over 60% of the women were single mothers, some had lost their husbands naturally while others had had them stolen from them and others had never been married at all.?I noted that over the years those who were married seemed not to has stayed as long in the company.

If you listen to those of our politicians who were brought up by single mothers, they place the issue front and center when discussing their success.??There are also many others who will not make it public because society has made it taboo.?

The solution to the issue of hard work by my married friend might better explain why most successful women are single mothers who don’t have a societal “safety net” in the form of a husband’s wallet.?

I dare you to do your own audit or easier, walk into any insurance agency sales office then look at the top agents’ wall after which ask the tea lady or messenger which of the women on the wall are single mothers, if the result does not collaborate my assertion please come back and tell me so, do the same even if it does.

The single mother, even after a full day at work has to dash home and immediately switch roles to mother, father, budgetary expert, disciplinarian, and likely also a caregiver to an aging parent or wayward sibling.

She will then drop off like a rock at the end of the long day to awake early the following morning to start the grind again, yet, if you bump into her as she is rushing to work the following morning you will not be able to tell what she endures from looking at her as she will be glowing with a smile from ear to ear.

On the other end, go onto social media or turn on your radio and listen to married women lamenting about their partners, you would think they are married to the devil himself.

Yet, the single mothers, at least those who have accepted that they were alone to fend for their children, would never be found dead calling in or posting negative issues about their children's fathers and would instead expend the energy finishing their work early in the office so that they can leave to go and take care of their children.

They are also financial miracle workers as they can stretch a shilling to levels that no economist can explain while on the other end is a married woman who has access to a partner with whom together, they can plan, bounce ideas, and pool resources yet is always lamenting about what their husband.

For some strange twist of fate, many married women have come to see their husbands as nothing more than a walking wallet and that they themselves only need to bring their physical selves into the relationship.

In closing, let me take you back to the early 1940s when my “jobless” maternal grandmother was left alone by my grandfather with two children as he went off to Burma to fight in the second world way.?He, fortunately, returned safely only to go off again this time to work as a long-distance truck driver ferrying goods from Mombasa to as far as the Congo leaving her with a fast-growing family to bring up, my mother had seven siblings.

Fortunately, my grandfather had been able to procure a shamba for the family from which my grandmother fed and clothed her children as well as generated enough income to send them to school she could be the reason my mother believed she had what it would have taken to fend for her children on her own.?