Single But Not Desperate
Now, more than at any other time, the single lifestyle is viewed as a viable, desirable choice for men and women.
The paradigm for modern singlehood is yin without yang.
The modern single woman's goal is to relate to men from a single perspective, and to have fulfilling relationships with them without ever becoming part of anything larger than herself.
As my parents' generation would have said, she is on her own trip.
The truth is that there is another way, but most women don't want to think about it. It's scary to get off the merry-go-round while it's still spinning. Sometimes, however, it's the only way to get off a ride to nowhere.
A woman with the courage to step out into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy, is more than a "single." She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks--a relationship with a man--
A single woman bases her actions on how they will or won't affect her single, lacking state. She goes to parties based on whether or not there will be new men to meet--if there won't, then the food and drink had better be first-class. She chooses female friends who likewise define themselves as single and lacking, thus reinforcing her own cynicism. She'll still enjoy parties and meeting people--but as ends in and of themselves, not just as a means of finding a man.
A single woman, in seeking a husband, feels the need to act in a coy, sly, or deceptive manner--even if she normally would never think of intentionally misleading someone. Somehow to be cagey to a man within the parameters of a budding relationship doesn't seem wrong to her. Likewise, she accepts a level of superficiality from a man she's dating that she wouldn't tolerate from her friends. She's not stupid--she just loses perspective when facing the possibility of a relationship. Her brain compartmentalizes dating into its own relative morality--"all's fair in love and war."
A singular woman behaves with an honesty and lack of guile that will appear arresting to the love interest who expects a superficial relationship--as well it should. With her words and actions, she is speaking a deeper language, one that can be understood only by the kind of man for whom she longs--one of integrity.
Such a man will understand that the singular woman's straightforwardness and absence of pretense is rooted in deep respect for him as a fellow child of God. For example, Miss Singular is not going to suggest to her love interest that he faces competition for her if no such competition exists. She expects him to be equally truthful in return.
Perhaps the most noticeable difference between a single woman and a singular woman is one of gratitude. Because she defines herself by her lack, the single woman is plagued with a sense of sadness and resentment at what she doesn't have. When positive things happen in her life, she may be thankful, but she may just as well respond with a sense of entitlement--"At last, I'm getting what everyone else has."
The singular woman not only expresses more gratitude than the single woman, but she also expresses it for different things. She's not just grateful for things she receives, but for the opportunities she has to give. She knows in her heart the spirit of G. K. Chesterton's words: "The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder."
Being single places you in a mind-set where you are measured by what you do, whether good or bad--how well you are able to attract men, acquire friends, make money, say witty things, and put forth other social commodities.
Ultimately, your capacity in these areas is finite; you can do only so much before you've exhausted your resources. The world may say you can never be too rich or too thin, but all it takes is a look at celebrities' love lives to see that wealth and slenderness don't guarantee happiness.
To be singular is to embark on a wide excursion of discovery. No more is your identity limited to qualities that can be defined by the check off boxes in an online personal ad. It's no longer what you do--but who you are. Prayerfully, you strive to develop inner qualities--like empathy, patience, humility, and faith in spite of hardship.
Your Thoughts....?