Simplifying the holidays

For family caregivers, the prospect of the holiday season is often more daunting than delightful. How do you decide what to keep and what to trim away?

Prioritize activities with people you enjoy. Spend time with those who nourish your soul rather than those who criticize or deplete you.

Focus on what gives meaning to the season. Often what we are seeking in our activities is an emotional outcome: Feelings of love and closeness. The comfort of belonging, tradition, and community. A sense of spiritual affirmation.

Cull out low-priority activities. Every time you say yes to one "obligatory" event (perhaps the office party?), you are reducing your time and energy for the activities you truly relish. Strive to cut out half of your holiday tasks. Value quality over quantity.

Prepare for others' disappointment. Explain that your focus is on caring for your loved one—a noble reason. And to do that, you need to pare back. It may be your relative does not do well with disruptions to routine, or that they lack stamina for the usual activities.

Brainstorm simplifications.

• Meals. Prepare a crockpot soup and sandwich for a lunch gathering instead of a full dinner. Or ask others to contribute instead of cooking a whole meal. Order a precooked entrée, or the side dishes, or dessert. Go out to eat.
• Decorations. Bring out one or two favorite symbols of the season. Use music, or simmer herbs or spices to evoke the holiday spirit.
• Gifts. Get 100% off on Black Friday by foregoing gifts altogether! Let your family know you are opting out of gift giving and prefer to not receive any. Or that you'll give to children only. Maybe send cards of appreciation to key people or write a letter to all, recounting the events of the past year. Perhaps make a single donation in the name of the family to a cause that all might value. Or if you must give something to individuals, consider an experience (an invitation or tickets for an activity to do later in the year). Experiences are typically more meaningful than objects.
• Gatherings. Especially if your loved one has health or mobility challenges, look for online options to connect without the logistics of travel and bad weather (video calls, online concerts or religious services, etc.).

Are the holidays adding to your stress?

Let us help. As the Monroe County and Ontario County experts in family caregiving, we at Aging Well Rochester have a lot of experience reducing the load for family caregivers. You don't have to do this alone. Give us a call at 585-271-0400.