This Simple Technique Makes Your Co-Workers Feel Respected!
Gregg Ward
Founder, Center for Respectful Leadership | Award-Winning Best-Selling Author | Speaker | Exec. Coach | Master Facilitator & Culture Change Consultant (he, him, his)
This week, I delivered a keynote on Respectful Leadership for a group of university administrators and faculty and introduced them to a simple interpersonal communication technique that I’ve been teaching and using for years.
I call it “Respectful Listening,” but you might know it as “reflective listening.” Whatever you call it, it’s designed to help someone you’re talking with – especially if the conversation is heated – feel respected by you.
Essentially, the Respectful Listening technique helps people believe that they’ve been “heard” by you. The psychologists in the group agreed, when people feel “heard,” they’re more likely to feel respected. And when people feel respected, they’re more willing to consider other points of view and respond respectfully.
This is the same technique I learned from seasoned hostage negotiators when I was a specialist trainer for the NYPD, and boy does it work. In short, Respectful Listening generates respect and a greater likelihood of coming to agreement, or at least respectfully agreeing to disagree.
Here's how to use the Respectful Listening technique:
1.????? You’re talking with a colleague who’s expressing an idea or opinion, and you notice them getting frustrated, wound up, annoyed or insistent. (Usually this is because they feel like you’re not really listening to them or considering their point of view.)
2.????? Let them say their piece. But instead of responding with your own opinion or point of view, simply reflect back what they’ve just said,
“(say their name), I think what I’m hearing you say is ABC…”
3.????? Finish by asking, “Have I got that right?”
4.????? If you’ve reflected back their point of view accurately, they’ll say “yes,” and you’ll notice them calming down.
5.????? But if you’ve missed something, they’ll let you know what it is. Then, your job is to reflect that back as accurately as you can, again without adding your own spin, and finishing with “Now, have I got it right?”
Unless you’re dealing with someone who’s consistently disrespectful and self-centered – or who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room and that you should just do whatever they say, then this technique is usually very effective at generating an effective exchange of ideas, or at the very least, a willingness to consider other points of view.
The next time you get into a debate or argument with a colleague, try the Respectful Listening technique. It works! And you’ll be glad it does.
Want to learn more respectful tips and techniques, want to increase Emotional Intelligence and Psychological Safety? Take our virtual R-Factor Workshop! There are still seats and scholarships available for April’s program. Reach out to us NOW at [email protected]
by Gregg Ward | Founder and Executive Director The Center for Respectful Leadership
Equity, Diversity, Inclusion, Culture Transformation, Employee Development and Transportation Security Consultant
1 天前This is something I learned as a police officer. Oftentimes our conversations happened when people were distressed, scared, tired, or even hostile. When you are listening to them it is critical that you understand exactly what they are saying because often their words were used in a court of law. It also calmed them to know even if you have to take them into custody, they were able to be heard. Trust, it is better than arguing or using force…and remember force is not always physical…your mouth and your opinions can feel like someone’s punching you in the gut!
President, The Diversity Training Group Author of “Tackling Toxicity” - new book
1 天前Useful tips