"But If Not": A Simple Phrase for Building Resilience in Tough?Times

Where to find strength when things don’t go as?planned.

Life has a devious way of testing?us.

You’ve followed the path, worked hard, and remained dedicated, only to find yourself in a place that doesn’t look like success. You’re still waiting for that big break, the promotion, the job offer, or even just a moment when things feel a little easier and lighter.

And yet, here you are, feeling stuck or overlooked, pushed aside, unsure why things aren’t lining up how you thought they would.

There’s a scene from a TV series I watched recently that captured this feeling perfectly. A character had followed the journey of his leader with devotion, yet still carried a heavy personal challenge that hadn’t been “fixed.” When he was given the ability to help others and was grateful for it, his heart wrestled deeply with the question, “Why haven’t I been helped?”

It’s a relatable question. Why haven’t we been given the opportunity we’re striving for? Why hasn’t our hard work paid off? Why hasn’t the job offer come for me? It’s natural to want to know the answer, to feel we deserve something good for our efforts. Why does life have this devious way of putting us through these trials?

But…what if the real test isn’t in the reward we gain, but in our ability to keep going despite not getting it right away? Now that’s tough to wrestle with. I’m 44 years old and still struggle with the patience and resilience to endure tough challenges. As I thought more about that scene, a friend shared an important reminder with me, one I believe carries immense weight for all of us. She reminded me of the power of these 3 words:

“But if?not…”

“But if not” is the idea that we can have conviction and hope in our efforts, but if the outcome isn’t what we hoped for, we’ll keep moving. We’ll still choose to press on, show up, and do the work, even if we don’t get the promotion this time even if the dream job doesn’t materialize right now even if we keep facing setback after setback.

“But if not”?—?Your new mantra for resilience.

Believe in yourself enough to keep going, even when things don’t turn out as planned. Find strength not in the outcome, but in your ability to endure, pivot, stay the course, and remain in the game when the odds feel unfairly stacked against you.

For anyone in a tough spot right now, whether you’re facing job rejections, career challenges, or personal obstacles, remember that your greatest strength is your ability to keep moving forward, even when the answers don’t come right away or how you’d hoped.

“But if not…” means recognizing that your value isn’t defined by the immediate success you see, but by your ability to push through, adapt, and keep striving. The truest, most authentic version of your story isn’t in what you get, but in how you navigate the moments where you don’t. It’s easy to move forward when everything falls into place, but the true test of resilience is how you respond when things don’t.

“But if not…” means trusting that your circumstances still have meaning, that you’re still growing, learning, and becoming.

If you’re feeling stuck or questioning why things aren’t working out, hold on a little longer. Stay open to the idea that your strength is being built in the waiting, the persistence, and the moments where you choose to say…

“I will hope for the best to turn out, but if not, I’ll still be?okay.”

Apply “but if not” to real-life situations.

Healing happens when we find peace with our current situation and still choose to press forward. The process of weathering the storm with grace, patience, and a mindset of “but if not” speaks to a kind of strength that many never realize they possess. Here are some examples of how you could immediately apply this mindset.

1. “I will apply for this job with the hope that I’ll get a response, but if not… I’ll continue refining my skills and preparing for the next opportunity.”
2. “I will ask for that promotion, confident that my hard work has been noticed, but if not… I’ll keep delivering my best work and seek growth in other ways.”
3. “I will reach out to that potential mentor, hoping for guidance, but if not… I’ll keep learning, networking, and finding other ways to grow.”
4. “I will pitch my idea to the team, trusting that it will be valued, but if not… I’ll keep refining it and look for another way to bring it to life.”
5. “I will step out of my comfort zone and attend that networking event, hoping to make great connections, but if not… I’ll use it as practice and keep building my confidence for the next one.”
6. “I will prepare for this interview, believing it could be the right fit, but if not… I’ll use it as a learning experience and move closer to finding the right opportunity.”
7. “I will put myself out there for this project or challenge, excited for the possibility of success, but if not… I’ll take what I learned from it and use that knowledge to improve next time.”

What you’re going through has purpose and?meaning.

If you’re struggling to feel successful, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You may not have reached the goal yet, but that doesn’t mean you’re not on the path to something greater.

Fight for what matters to you.

“But if not” will ease that gnawing sense that everyone else is moving forward while you’re stuck in place.

“But if not” is your way of releasing that grip, trusting that even if things don’t unfold as planned, they’ll still develop in a way that moves you forward.

Life is unpredictable. Careers have highs and lows. Some people are jerks. Relationships take unexpected turns. Bad things happen to good people. And in all that uncertainty or toxicity, your resilience will carry you forward. Not the perfect outcome, not the shiny success, but your ability to say:

“Even if this doesn’t go my way, I’ll still be okay.”

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Thanks for reading.

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