A Simple Phone Call is all it Took
Uchenna "Dr. Lulu?” Umeh NGLCC Certified
![Uchenna "Dr. Lulu?” Umeh NGLCC Certified]()
Uchenna "Dr. Lulu?” Umeh NGLCC Certified
*As seen on Oprah Daily* #1 Gender & Sexuality Affirming Coach-Consultant. Helping support your employee-parents, training culturally competent physician allies and affirming ALL transgender kids |Author |TEDx Speaker
Earlier this week, I invited you to read today's entry in my newsletter for the completion of my story about the phone call that was heard by every cell in my body (and about to be heard all over the world), so many months ago!
My eldest child had called me to let me know that she is transgender on Christmas day in the morning. And what happened next has changed the entire trajectory of my life.
"Are you sure?"
Those were the only words I could muster after she shared her reality with me.
Even before our children are ever born, we a mesmerized by the idea of them, we become close to being obsessed with all things baby and the expectation reaches a near feverish pitch by the time the baby gets here.
One of the biggest things we obsess about is their genitalia, and as a consequence, we also obsess about their sex assignment and we proceed to attach gender roles to their genitalia.
Then we love on them, dote on them, and obsess more about them after their birth and through most of their 'babyhood'. We treat them exactly the way we want and expect them to become exactly who we want them to be.
But as the child begins to grow up, the child who is gender diverse notices very quickly that the world around them is filled with expectations to play a role that they were not created to play.
Imagine if you found yourself in a space like that.
In a world that expects you to act, embody, and become someone you are not? How long would you last? I cannot imagine becoming a man or being expected to play the role of a man, not for a day or even for an hour or a minute, yet, our expectation as parents is that our kids "act" as a different gender for life!
How utterly exhausting would that be?
No wonder their mental health gets hit, and severe consequences ensue as they get older and remain in a world that supports their gender-incongruence and gender dysphoria and even threatens to cancel their existence.
My eldest child is my MVP. She is the bravest person that I know. She was born into a Nigerian family which has a default setting of homohobia/transphobia and queerphobia!
What was she to do?
When our children are born, the farthest thoughts from our minds are that they are anything but "normal". But what is normal, my friends? Who gets to define normal for us? Society? Colonialists? Our parents, friends, family members, the church? Who?
What does normal mean to you?
Imagine a world where no one has to be told what normal is for them. What kind of world would that be? How much more fun would it be?
I sometimes wonder what my life would be like today had I not received that "simple" phone call that day. What would I be doing? What and who would I be fighting for? Who would I be fighting against? What would my days and nights be like?
These days, my hours are filled with emails, talks, webinars, social media posts, and such, all centered around my 7As: affirmation, acceptance, advocacy, allyship, awareness, and activism; 2Us: unlearning untruths, and all things queerness.
As a gender and sexuality coach, I help parents with their self-acceptance journey and affirmation of their queer kids (particularly the gender-diverse ones); and I help queer kids come out in spite of their parents and the society around them. I also help organizations support parents of LGBTQ+ kiddos in their employ.
Lastly, I help my fellow clinicians/doctors become culturally competent allies for their LGBTQ+ patients, employees, and colleagues. I love what I do! I am saving lives and righting wrongs. I have now realized that I needed that "simple" phone call that beautiful morning, and I can only thank my child for it.
Today, I am preparing myself for a future filled with more love, acceptance, advocacy, and activism for the youth through my nonprofit: Dr. Lulu's Angels Haven which will be building homes for houseless LGBTQ+ youth!
If you or anyone you know could benefit from any of my services, kindly let me know.
My website is www.dr-lulu.com, and my best phone number is (802) 768-1180
To success and change!
Dr. L
My heart is so warmed to see you so perfectly articulate what it means to be transgender and the expectations and pressure put on us to be what we are not. People who don't and can't understand our experience get to dictate who we are and whether or not we're allowed to live full lives the way everyone else is automatically and without question. Thanks so much for hearing us and for sharing our perspective with the world in language many can understand and empathize with. Your child is blessed to have an amazing mom like you. ?? Emily