Simple Parenting Tips-II - ( Contd.)

38.    Empathic skills – When we don’t instill empathic behavior we end up raising care-free kids. Teach your kids on how to feel someone’s pain, how to read someone’s emotions, how to respond to a sad person, how to manage someone’s anger and how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to feel their mental state. This will increase Emotional Quotient of your kids which is one of the important factors for living a successful life. 

39.    Situation Control – Ask ‘What-would-you-do-if’ kind of questions. Try to create simple situations at home and let your kids propose solutions. Do not guide them, instead let them use their brain and come up with answers. Always give constructive feedback on their thoughts and encourage them to think more. You will ignite their creativity and also help them become a more self-sufficient person. Kids who are not exposed to life problems may fail very quickly when challenged.

40.    Use adjectives and all the optimistic words in routine conversations – Usage of positive and constructive words have a super impact on every human’s personality and you would want the same for your family. Take a print of the ‘word cloud’ and stick it on your refrigerator or in your kids’ room. Practice these good words while interacting with your kids. You will see the difference yourself ! Check out this resource for 100 positive words for kids  

41.    Teach Simplicity – Let your children understand the difference between needs and wants. As much as you can, keep your children to live their lives in “needs” categories. The wishes have no limits, which mean, if you fulfill one today, they will come up with another one. Your children do not have to buy new clothes if they can wear the current ones, they don’t need to buy another laptop after every 2 years. They don’t need to upgrade their mobile within 2 years.

42.    Ask Thought provoking Questions – Asking questions triggers and ignites the thought process of humans. If you want your kids to be tomorrow’s leaders, start asking big questions (depending upon their age. For example: How can we ensure every hungry person on earth sleeps with a full tummy. What kind of future cars will look like? What features do you want to have in your mobile?

43.    Don’t Spoil Them – Fulfilling all of their desires immediately is not a sign of good parenting. Even if the wish is so easy to grant, teach them the value of patience. One approach is to set a target for them before they entitle themselves to earn it. For example: If your kid wants you to buy a cycle, ask him to learn MS PowerPoint and make a 4-5 page presentation about the benefits of cycles. This strategy will force them to learn PowerPoint. Let them understand what it takes to earn something in life, instead of getting it for free.

44.    Punishment Vs Consequences – While punishing them, do not bring your emotions in the conversations. Be neutral in your tone with them. Don’t tell them that you are punishing them, instead let them know, in a polite tone, that they are simply facing the result of their mistake. If they don’t make this mistake they wouldn’t be facing this consequence. This approach will install a sense of responsibility and ownership of their actions. 

45.    Encourage them to express their thoughts on paper. It is recommended by Harvard? that writing our emotions (especially when angry) helps us cool down. Sometimes our instant anger is more than what it is supposed to be. When we write our thoughts (and associated emotions), we neutralize our reaction to a greater extent.. This enables our anger muscles to get back to normal. Apart from that, try asking your kids to write about: “what are 50 things you are thankful to God for?” “What do you feel when you fight with your sibling”

46.    Let Them Do Weekend Grocery – Let them make a list of things they have to purchase. Give them an overview of the kitchen and explain what are the different components needed to run the food system of the family. Do the same for every non-food item to be purchased. Once you explain them, let them come up with a detailed list of items. Then take them to the market and ask them to find out those stuff and fill in the trolley. This includes choosing the raw vegetables and fruits. Guide them on how to differentiate between fresh and unhealthy stuff. 

47.    Not everyone is A grader – Don’t expect your kids to bring home the best progress report from school. Everyone is a ‘differently genius’ human. Some kids are best in academics while others are best in art, speaking skills, sports or in another field. Remember, only 5-10 percent of kids are A-graders and the world has not fallen due to this. So do not dishearten your kids by taunting them or forcing them to be the topper of the class; instead encourage them to do things which they are best at. Soon you will find out their unique qualities and skills. Once you know, polish them more and help your kids shine all the way!  

48.    Visit Orphan House– Life never stops teaching; it keeps offering different flavors throughout. Some days we are excited, happy and satisfied while we experience tragic moments at certain stages of life. If your kids only enjoy the luxuries of life and are not exposed to challenges and problems, they will have difficult times in future. Taking them to Orphan House will help them understand the difficulties of orphans and will help them be thankful to God for what they have. Taking some gifts (clothes, books and toys) and handing over to orphans will establish a soft and emotional bond between your kids and the less-fortunate kids of society.

49.    Visit Graveyard –  One of the reasons for taking them to graveyards is to let them know that one day they will have the same phase of life. Statistics prove that people who remember death are more happier than the ones who don’t. The reason they explain is that a person who understands that he has to leave this world one day, will have less greed, less expectations and less desires. Also you can use this opportunity to ignite their thoughts about their spiritual connection with God and explain to them the concept of accountability (that God will do) after death. The benefit for this exercise is that your kids will have the sense of responsibility and the mission to do good in life.  

50.    Visit grandparents quite often – You don’t need to have a reason or benefit for taking your kids to their grandparents’ place. It is the right of grandparents that you and your kids meet them quite often. While it is highly recommended to keep your parents with you and give them all the love you have, however, if this is not possible for any reason, it is extremely important to take your kids to them very frequently. This is needed to teach your kids valuing their relationships with elder people of society and also remember the blessings of youth. Further, grandparents have many life experiences which you may not have had. Their advice and guidance, and their prayers for you will always pave the way of success for you and your kids.

51.    Guide them about Sexual limitations – Due to advancement of technology and ease of availability of all kinds of good and bad information, kids are getting exposed to sexual stuff at much earlier age than they are supposed to. Having said that, it is imperative for you to speak to your kids about such subjects so that they do not try to explore it themselves on the internet. If they do, they will land in unethical, illicit and sensitive websites without you being aware of it. It is important for you to decide about what information and how much of it should be told to your kids based on their age category and their gender. Explain to them about distancing needs after they have become ‘adults’. Let them know the religious, social and lawful consequences of such acts. If you do not make sincere efforts on this subject, your kids will start searching about such stuff out of curiosity and may want to try this out practically that may lead to unexpected and embarrassing situations for you.

52.    Ask them to clean your room once in a while – In order to let your kids realize the efforts parents put in for upbringing them, it is recommended to ask them tidy up your room once in a while. Let them arrange your bed, coffee table, closet, shoes, books. Give them some guidance about your important stuff. Set Up some ground rules to avoid any mistakes. This activity will help them understand the energy behind your efforts for daily work you do for them. Similarly, you may want to engage them for kitchen activities such as (cooking, washing, general cleaning etc.) someday. 

53.    Future Exposure – Technology is continuously evolving. Many jobs are getting replaced. For example a simple drone has replaced the helicopter news reporting. A mobile has replaced fax machine, telephone, calendars printing. Many Soft-wares are replacing manual work. You need to give exposure to your kids about jobs of the future so they chose the right profession. For example some of the future jobs would be in Solar Energy, Data Analytics, Robotics and Automation, Design and Analysis, Web App Development, Digital Contents Production, Electronics Development, Block Chain, Operations and Efficiency Management, Laws Enforcement and Customer Service Management industries/domains

54.    Avoid Sibling Comparison – One of the sins of parenting is to compare your kids in front of them. This is simply an insulting act. Each human is born with unique capabilities. God has sent each human on a unique mission either small or big. You can’t simply impose your judgement on them. Sibling comparison gives birth to inferiority complex, lack of confidence and stress which would definitely lead to unhealthy unexpected results. Even if you have a favorite child, do not praise him in front of others. Instead help the rest of the kids to learn and improve; not based on your preferences, but based on their skillset, unique nature and interests.

55.    Exposure About Crimes and Punishment – Let them know the crime punishment before they indulge in any illicit activities. As a parent it is important for you to provide frequent updates about crimes such as monetary frauds, keeping something without licenses, getting engaged in banned activities as per domestic or national laws. Also explain to them about cybercrimes and role of law enforcement agencies. While you may see several news on these subjects on TV/internet, usually teenagers do not pay attention to them. It is your duty to keep giving them such exposure so that they know civic laws and become law abiding citizens.

56.    Don’t force them for anything, explain why – You need to convince yourself with solid reasoning first, before you convince your child for anything. Persuasion is a great human quality that is art as well as skill. Persuasion is a combination of your empathic skills (ability to understand the emotions of others) and analytical skills (to understand something from different perspectives). If you force your thoughts on your kids, you will end up having relationship gaps with your kids.

57.   It is said that you are the product of 5 closest people in your life. When teenagers start socializing with friends whom their parents are not aware of, there is a possibility they get attracted to drinking and alcohol. It is important for you as a parent to provide detailed guidance on the harms of smoking, drinking and drugs etc. Let your kid know that such habits will lead to serious health problems and some of these habits may lead them to do criminal acts and they end up landing in jail.

58.    Developing confidence and assertiveness – Shyness is long term failure. In practical life, bold and assertive people always take advantage of the situations. They grow more in their career because of being outspoken. While for many of us, shyness is a natural phenomenon and cannot be fully resolved, yet it can be improved to a large extent. So, even if you are a shy parent, do not let this personality trait grow much in your children. Help your shy kids and encourage them to be more extrovert and talkative. Encourage them to express their feelings and when they do, do not criticize, instead empower them with more constructive feedback about their feelings.

59.    Help your kids to become independent – I have seen mothers providing assistance to their kids for the things they can manage themselves. I have seen mothers, giving comfort to their kids on tiny matters. Such kids become parasites when they grow up. Children should be taught on how to do things instead they should be doing the stuff themselves. This doesn’t mean, parents will not supervise them anymore, instead, this means, children should start managing their life on their own instead of being dependent on their parents. If they fail, they should be guided properly. Children who start managing their work (cupboard cleaning, food table cleaning, getting ready for school, managing their bag, putting clothes in laundry, making cereals and so on) become more responsible, confident and resilient in their life.

60.    Mobile Usage Regulation – Mobile devices can be used for many purposes (connecting with people via phone calls, email and communication, messaging service, social media, entertainment, book study, tools and productivity. Wise are the people who maintain the balance. Wise are the parents who teach their kids on how to establish a balanced approach for using the mobile device for needs and desires. Of course, human nature is to enjoy life in full, however life cannot be enjoyed by having an irresponsible approach. Hence it is important for parents to provide guidance to kids to use the mobile responsibly. Sometimes you might have challenges to establish check and balance on how your kids are using mobile device. For such situation, check out this resource “Parental Control Setup for mobile” and “Parental Control in Google Play”

61..    Listen to understand – Attentive listening enhances your child’s trust in you which leads to improving self-confidence. When you pay attention to your child and help him express his feelings, you are empowering his thought process. When your child tries to explain you anything, get involved fully. If possible, stop whatever you are doing, and become full ears. Even if your child is incorrect, appreciate on what he/she is telling you. Instead of saying “You are wrong”, try saying “let me explain you”. If you use directive language or behave in a destructive feedback, you will damage your child’s personality. Try to use metaphors for kids and all the positive words you can think of. Check out this resource about “Listening to Kids”

62.    Guide them on how to manage bullying – Some parents do not give value to their kids opinion (specially about school activities). Such kids tend to not sharing their bullying with you and may end up developing stress which would lead to disastrous situation. If your kids are bold and confident, they will be managing the bullying situations themselves however for shy and less confident kids it is important that you provide them the techniques on how to respond in such situation. Guide them to act brave, walk away and ignore the bully. Tell them to contact an adult nearby or talk to the teacher about it. Guide them to hold the anger and stay confident. See this detailed guide on handling bullying  and also this one   

63.    Too much Criticizing kills kids’ personality – It is a well-known fact that less confident kids do not succeed in life much. One of the reasons for loss of confidence is criticism from the parents. Remember, criticism is a big time creativity killer. Not only that, criticism destroys your kids’ natural abilities to respond to certain situation boldly. Always provide positive and constructive feedback to your child instead of criticizing him. It is not what you want to communicate, more important is how you convey the message. Avoid aggressive tone, speaking negative words, taunting or mocking approach for the things your child does. Enhance your vocabulary of positive words. Check out 10 Effective Principles on Providing Feedback

64.    Apologize and they will learn to apologize – Two of the earliest words that are taught to the kids are “Thank you” and “Sorry”. Time has come that parents should also start practicing “Sorry”. Nobody is perfect in the world and you are not an exception too. Many times we do mistakes but in our pride of being elders we forget to apologize to our kids. You can ‘safely’ expect the same behavior if you do not demonstrate this behavior. As a general rule, stubborn parents are going to raise stubborn kids. Change your habits to raise kids with high empathy and good relationship skills.

65.    Happiness is not in assets, rather our state of mind – Whether you wear a costly Rado or a cheap watch, you see the same time. Whether you drive a Ferrari or a Ford or Hyundai, you reach the destination at more or less the same time. People who run behind luxuries, people who are servants of their desires, people who run in the fast lane of money race, left behind in the race of life. The life that comprises Lovely relationships, stable health, spiritual connection with God, contentment with what is available does not necessarily need millions in the bank. Such are the teaching you are required to explain to your kids. Practice lovely moments with your kids with simple and cheap activities to convey the same message.

66.    Over frankness is not good – There is a quote that says, “feed your kids with golden spoon but look at them with the lion’s eyes”. I would not recommend that. Instead, you need to maintain a nice balance between ‘being a friend’ and ‘being a boss’. I know some families who have pampered their kids so much by being over friendly with them. After a certain stage, such parents are at the mercy of their kids’ demands and moods. So, dfine some boundaries about what things you are flexible with, what are their boundaries, and actions would lead triggering your anger.

67.   Games are good but types of games should be regulated. Many researches confirm that playing games increases kids’ confidence and intelligence. However at the same time, games may cause aggression too. As a parent you need to do a research once in a while about what games your child is playing and if there are negative reviews about it. Remember, one of the famous games was officially blocked by certain countries and special notes were sent to the parents by schools due to sever effects it was causing on childern’s psychology. Staying up-to-date on gaming subject is expected from you as a parent. 

68.    Mobile Use – Do not take any social pressure and buy a mobile device for your kid until he is fully responsible. It is understood that it is inevitable for kids to use tabs and laptops for their studies and ‘fair entertainment’ but it is still possible for not giving a mobile device to your kid specially for the night times. With ease of access to all those evil websites, it is very risky if your kid is using mobile use while he/she is alone. Some researchers say that girls are more vulnerable to the side effects. Read this Age by Age Guide About Kids and Smart Phone  Thank you for taking time reading this parenting guide. Please feel free to provide any other recommendations that you are practicing as a parent.