?? Silly Valley News: August 27th 2024 ??

I went to a kid's 1st-birthday this weekend and the only bad part was that eventually I had to go home and not be surrounded by champagne flutes, balloons, and 14 other screaming children. If only I was going to a 3-day, 1st birthday marathon for Labor Day Weekend ??.

Speaking of which, we're (SVN) taking next week off so you're gonna have to be dumb for a week until our next edition on September 10th. For now, let's get into this week's juicy AF stories ??

This Week's Piping ???? (Hot 'Tent)

?? CEO of Kansas Bank Sentenced to 24 Years in Prison After Pouring $47M into a Pig Butchering Scam

?? A Leaked Term Sheet Potentially Sabotages Bolt’s New Funding Round

?? 45% of Families Say They Go Into Debt For Disney Vacation

?? Much more food for brains so you can sound smart AF at the water cooler this week...

The Silly Valley

?? Will “Work Resorts” Solve Office Vacancy Rates? In an effort to address 20% office vacancy rates across the U.S., companies are building "Work Resorts" to bring employees back to the office. These upscale workspaces like the “Mart” in downtown Chicago and “Sky Island” in London, are often located in central urban areas and combine luxury amenities with functional office environments. The Springline complex in Menlo Park, CA (part of the Silly Valley) is the gold standard with nine gourmet restaurants, a high-end golf simulator, outdoor workspaces, and curated community events. It also includes a 183-unit residential building, allowing people to live and work in the same place. While not all of these “Work Resorts” include residential options, by situating these work resorts in downtown neighborhoods, developers are creating vibrant, integrated spaces that make the office a desirable part of urban life. And to think the first startup I worked at blew my mind with a ping pong table.

?? Telegram CEO Arrested in France for Failing to Moderate Criminal Content. Telegram CEO, Pavel Durov, was arrested by French police at Le Bourget Airport under a warrant related to accusations of failing to moderate criminal content on Telegram- including drug trafficking, child sexual abuse material, and fraud. The app has faced criticism for its lax moderation policies and refusal to cooperate with law enforcement. Durov, a dual citizen of the UAE and France, founded Telegram in 2013 and was exiled from Russia in 2014 after resisting government demands to censor opposition groups on his previous platform, VKontakte. Figures like Edward Snowden and Elon Musk criticized the arrest as an attack on free speech, but to me it sounds an awful lot like penalizing TD Bank for failing to prevent money laundering. Then again, who hasn’t trafficked drugs on social media before?

?? A Leaked Term Sheet Potentially Sabotages Bolt’s New Funding Round. Bolt is a fintech startup specializing in one-click checkout technology. A leaked term sheet revealed the company is seeking to raise $450 million at a $14 billion valuation which is wild considering they’ve only made $7M in gross profit as of March 2024. It gets more shocking as $250M of the fundraising would be for “marketing credits,” a non-cash investment like influencer promotions. The deal also includes aggressive “cramdown provisions,” forcing existing investors to either buy more shares or risk having their shares bought back at $0.01 each. Bolt is also trying to force the return of CEO Ryan Breslow, who previously misled investors by inflating company metrics and is embroiled in a legal battle over a $30 million loan. Legal experts note that these strongarm tactics might not work because they have to convince their investors to agree to the terms… which is who they’re trying to strongarm. Either way, investors apparently have until the end of the week to decide whether or not they’re gonna write more checks.

Sales Tip of the Week

Opening a cold call with “Did I catch you at a bad time?” drops your chances of booking a meeting by 40%. - Gong.io

Outside The Bubble

?? Chick-Fil-A Enters The… Streaming Wars? Chick-fil-A is entering the crowded streaming market by reportedly launching its own platform later this year. It will initially focus on family-friendly unscripted programming like game shows and then potentially into scripted series, animation, and licensed content. While the titan of Big Chicken moving into content creation might not seem like the wisest move, the Cathy family who runs Chick-Fil-A is also heavily involved in Trilith Studios, known for its work on major Marvel films in Atlanta. The company has yet to reveal whether streaming will be available on Sundays.

?? 45% of Families Say They Go Into Debt For Disney Vacation. Disney vacations are more expensive than ever, with families of four spending between $6,463 and $15,559 for a trip according to Nerdwallet. That’s not stopping 45% of families who say they’re going into debt for the trip because they want to visit the parks so badly while their kids are still young. While Disney finally saw a profitable quarter for its streaming service for the first time ever, it also reported a decrease in parks revenue which accounts for 30-40% of their business. As a result, Disney is investing $60B over the next decade to expand and enhance their parks, which might sound like a lot because it’s a fucking astronomically bonkers amount of bread.??

?? CEO of Kansas Bank Sentenced to 24 Years in Prison After Pouring $47M into a Pig Butchering Scam. Shan Hanes, the former CEO of Heartland Tri-State Bank, pleaded guilty to embezzlement after routing $47.1M of his bank’s funds to scammers’ crypto accounts causing the entire bank to collapse. He also stole funds from a local church, an investment club, and his daughter’s college savings account. Now I know you’re wondering where the term “pig butchering” might come in… “Pig Butchering scams typically involve a scammer finding and contacting a victim through a messaging app, a dating service, or a social media platform. They’ll then try to form a relationship — often a romantic one — with their victim before eventually luring them into making a series of crypto investments.” Like “fattening up a pig before slaughtering it.” Reminds me… I owe that Instagram model with 0 posts a DM reply…

Last Week's Piping ???? (Hot 'Tent)

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