Silent Votes, Hidden Voices & Election Anxiety

Election season in the United States can feel like a storm rolling in - not just for those on the ground but for anyone watching, even across the pond here in the UK. This year, reports have emerged of American women hiding their voting intentions from spouses or family members to avoid conflict. (There have even been men bragging on the internet that they completed their postal votes for their wives. ARGH!)

For these women, it isn’t just about who wins; it’s about maintaining peace at home. This reality shines a spotlight on Good Girl Conditioning.

The Silent Struggle of Women Voters

Many American women find themselves in a precarious position. The voting booth becomes both a sanctuary and a battleground, where casting a ballot should be an empowering act but is often shrouded in secrecy. The question isn’t just, “Who did you vote for?” but, “Will anyone find out?” The fear is palpable, fed by decades of social training to keep the peace, avoid conflict, and put others’ comfort above personal conviction.

This behaviour is not surprising when we think about how women have been conditioned from a young age. “Be nice, don’t argue, keep everyone happy.” These aren’t just innocent suggestions; they’re rules embedded into our very identity. And when politics enters the conversation, the stakes rise. The risk of clashing beliefs, especially with loved ones, can feel unbearable.

In the UK, while we may not be in the throes of such an intense electoral period, we understand this sentiment. The feeling that it’s easier (and safer) to stay quiet than to express a divergent opinion is deeply relatable. This silence, this self-censorship, is the essence of Good Girl Conditioning, and it’s a pattern that extends far beyond voting.

What is “Good Girl” Conditioning?

Good Girl Conditioning is more than just social expectations; it’s a blueprint for behaviour instilled in women from a young age. It’s the reason we second-guess ourselves before speaking up in meetings or avoid expressing strong opinions, especially when they challenge the norm. The idea is simple yet powerful: be good, stay agreeable, don’t disrupt.

This conditioning infiltrates every part of life, subtly reinforcing that a woman’s role is to soothe, support, and serve. It’s the voice in your head saying, “Is it worth the argument?” or “Just let it go.” The trouble is, when this inner voice becomes a constant, it morphs from a question into a rule, dictating how we engage in everything from casual conversations to critical life decisions.

For many women, election season is a stark reminder of how deep these rules run. The stakes are high, and the pressure to conform - to fit into a partner’s or family’s political narrative - is strong. The idea that expressing a different view could disrupt the peace is daunting. So, some women choose silence, not out of agreement, but out of learned caution.

The Realities Women Face

In some households, particularly those with rigid or traditional values, expressing political opinions can lead to conflict, emotional manipulation, or even forms of coercion. Women may find themselves nodding along or avoiding conversations altogether to keep the peace. This silent agreement may seem small, but it’s a significant surrender of autonomy. And it feeds into a cycle where women continue to minimise themselves to maintain social harmony.

But it’s not just about fearing an argument at the dinner table. It’s about the anxiety that builds up when your sense of self is constantly sidelined. The truth is, Good Girl Conditioning doesn’t just teach compliance; it teaches us to internalise blame. If a disagreement occurs, the conditioned response is often self-reproach: “Why did I say that?” or “I should have just kept quiet.”

From my vantage point in the UK, this struggle is achingly familiar, even if it takes different forms. Here, women still navigate a landscape where speaking up, especially on divisive topics, risks being seen as too assertive or “difficult.” The pressure to blend in, to be amiable and non-confrontational, echoes across cultures. Watching the US election through this lens feels like a mirror reflecting similar challenges back at us, albeit with varying degrees of intensity.

Why This Silence Matters

Why does it matter if women stay silent about their political choices? Because every time a woman suppresses her voice to keep the peace, it reinforces the notion that her opinion is secondary. It perpetuates the idea that disagreement is disruptive and that maintaining harmony is worth more than authenticity.

And when it comes to choosing leaders, this silence can have real consequences. Women know damn well what it means to navigate a world not built for them. Voting for Trump, with his criminal track record of sexual assault, undermining reproductive rights, vilifying gender equity, and making decisions that leave women at a disadvantage, is a massive and unwanted step backwards. His rhetoric alone has normalised sexist and demeaning behaviour, reinforcing harmful stereotypes that keep women stuck in the status quo. And don’t even get me started on the Trump abortion ban. Supporting a leader who embodies regressive, white-supremacist, patriarchal bullshit only sets us up to fight the same battles over and over. We deserve leaders who push for progress, equality, and empowerment - not ones who drag us back decades.

I mean. I absolutely wouldn’t want my son to look up to Trump. In any way whatsoever.

BUT. This isn’t just about politics. It’s about the long-term effects of conditioning that make women hesitate before stating their salary expectations in job interviews, question their own expertise in meetings, or endure uncomfortable social situations rather than speak up. It all comes back to the idea that women’s roles are to support and appease, not to lead or confront.

The ‘Good Girl’ Lens on Female Leaders

I REALLY hope Harris wins, not just for the victory itself, but because it would be a testament to the power of resilience, breaking barriers, and the hope that women everywhere can rise, lead, and shatter ALL the ceilings.

The scrutiny of women in positions of power is relentless, and Vice President Kamala Harris is no exception. Her career has been marked by judgments that go far beyond policy and politics - they’re rooted in the unspoken expectation for women to behave in ways that align with Good Girl Conditioning. Unlike a ‘good girl,’ Harris has shown she’s unafraid to be assertive, speak her mind, and hold her ground. These qualities, lauded in male leaders, become points of contention when embodied by women.

Kamala Harris is often judged not just for her work but for the very traits that make her effective: her confidence, her laughter, her sharpness in debate. This is the double-bind of leadership for women - being powerful means stepping into a space where society labels you ‘too much.’ Not compliant enough, not quiet enough. Simply put, not a ‘good girl.’

This backlash is a stark reminder of how deeply embedded Good Girl Conditioning is, not just in the lives of everyday women but in how we collectively view those who dare to challenge it at the highest levels. Supporting leaders like Harris means choosing to break these moulds, recognising that true progress requires embracing the full spectrum of what it means to lead, with no apologies for doing it in your own way.

Managing Election Result Anxiety

Once the votes are cast, a new challenge emerges: waiting. It’s the worst.

The uncertainty of election results can amplify feelings of anxiety, especially for those who already feel they’ve been silencing themselves. The stakes are high, and the outcome can feel personal, even when we know it’s not something we can control. We feel this impact in the UK, where we can’t vote (obviously!), but we’re feeling the impacts of this election with the normalising of sexism and misogyny here too.

Here are some ways to manage our collective anxiety:

1. Mindful acceptance - acknowledge that while voting is an act of empowerment, the result itself is beyond your control. Practising mindfulness can help manage the waiting game. Ground yourself in the present moment - take note of your surroundings, engage in deep breathing, or simply observe your thoughts without judgement.

2. Engage with supportive communities - seek out like-minded friends, groups, or online spaces where you can share your concerns and experiences. The simple act of being heard and validated can be a powerful antidote to stress. Community reinforces that you are not alone in your beliefs or worries.

3. Shift from worry to action - instead of being stuck in a loop of anxious thoughts, redirect your energy. Consider how you can contribute to causes or initiatives that align with your values, regardless of the election outcome. Maybe it’s volunteering, educating others, or using your platform - however small - to advocate for what you believe in.

4. Self-care is key - during periods of high stress, small acts of self-care matter. Take some time away from social media and switch off the news. Whether it’s a cup of tea, a favourite playlist, or time spent outside, these moments remind you that nurturing yourself is not just allowed but essential.

Reclaiming Power Through Deprogramming

Deprogramming from Good Girl Conditioning starts with awareness. Recognising when you’re silencing yourself out of habit or fear is the first step. The next is choosing differently, even if that choice is quiet or private. Casting a vote for what you believe in, even if done discreetly, is an act of reclaiming power.

Over time, these small acts of defiance accumulate. Each time you choose to honour your voice, you chip away at the conditioning that tells you to sit down and stay quiet. It’s not about being loud for the sake of it but about reclaiming space for your true self.

Why This Matters Beyond Politics

Breaking free from Good Girl Conditioning has implications far beyond voting. It means challenging yourself to speak up in meetings, ask for what you deserve, and say no when you need to. It’s about recognising that your comfort, your peace, and your authenticity are worth protecting.

This is especially important because when women find their voices, it creates ripples. It sets an example for daughters, friends, and peers that it’s okay to disagree, to challenge, and to be more than a supporter in the background. It’s about showing that it’s possible to be kind and assertive, thoughtful and outspoken.

A New Kind of Courage

Deprogramming is not a one-time event. It’s a process that requires patience and self-compassion. There will be moments of discomfort, where the urge to revert to old patterns feels almost irresistible. But each time you choose to stand firm - whether by casting a quiet vote, setting a boundary, or speaking up when it counts - you take another step away from the conditioning that’s held you back.

We need to keep asking ourselves, “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid of the reaction?” Then, let’s find the courage to do it. Not just for the outcome, but for the ongoing journey towards a life that’s true to who we are.

The anxiety of uncertainty may not fade overnight, but by facing it with honesty and action, we create room for a different kind of future. One where women’s voices aren’t just present - they’re essential, respected, and powerful.

And What Else is Happening?

1. Good Girl Deprogramming Podcast

In this week’s episode of Good Girl Deprogramming, I’m joined by Amy Pons , an incredible advocate for workplace psychological safety and a key member of the national team for the End Workplace Abuse Movement. Together, we pull back the curtain on those deep-rooted systems of power—patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism—that continue to fuel psychological abuse, particularly towards women in the workplace. We share our personal experiences, explore the ins and outs of gaslighting, and talk about why awareness and legislative action are vital for creating safer work environments.

You’ll also hear about the idea of reclaiming your personal magic and the power of curiosity in deprogramming from societal conditioning. Amy, who I consider both a warrior and a healer, brings her unique blend of empathetic coaching, spirituality, passion, a touch of magic, and a hint of spice to guide women back to their true selves. Her mission? To help women step into their power and live as their absolute favourite versions of themselves.

This episode invites listeners to challenge their conditioning, support one another, and rediscover the magic within.

AND it has the best start of any podcast I have ever witnessed ??.

It’s on all the usual podcasting platforms and YouTube.

2. WTF (Women Talking Facts)

Felice Ayling and I had our third Friday LinkedIn Live series called WTF - Women Talking Facts. You can watch it on the replay here .

Unsurprisingly, the Trump Campaign was crowned #CretinOfTheWeek.

We’ll have another (election special) on Friday, Join us!

3. I’m Writing Book Number 2!

I’m excited to be working on my second book, Good Girl Deprogramming @ Work, and I need your help! I’m looking for women who are willing to share their experiences by completing my Good Girl @ Work questionnaire and then having a one-hour conversation with me about their workplace stories.

Your insights will be invaluable in exploring how Good Girl Conditioning impacts women’s careers and what steps can be taken to break free from these patterns. If you’re interested in contributing to this important research and helping other women on their journeys.

All the details are here . Your voice could make a significant difference!

4. Out Loud 2.0!

Talking of Felice Ayling, she’s about to kick off her Out Loud Challenge! It’s for women who are struggling to say what they mean on LinkedIn. I did it the first time and it was BRILLIANT (and a little scary!)

You can join in, for free here . You won’t regret it.

That’s all from me. I hope I’m writing this next weekend from a better world. But if not, we will keep fighting for the rights of all.

Take care of yourself.

Mx