"The Silent Treatment"

The silent Treatment is a passive aggressive behavior, that harms your brain. It leaves the person who receives it paranoid, insecure, and confused. It also drags you to react in many negative ways and turns you into an obsessed person.  

It is a "Cold War", you get it without any warning, you just find your self in a situation where you don’t even exist, and you end up losing control and unable to calculate your words and reactions.

Some call it nagging…but when a woman argues with you …it’s because she cares and when she stops arguing and begins to give you the silent treatment …she is basically letting you know that she no longer gives a DAMN ! 

When do you get the silent treatment?

• Opening up any unpleasant conversation with your partner
• Asking about/for something that your partner dislike or isn’t in the mood of responding to it 

How does it happen?

Usually it starts by a quiet mode from your partner side, then if you were lucky you might get a warning "I’m busy now, cant talk, I’m busy", if you insist the tone becomes sarcastic and disrespectful, if you ask again you get the silent treatment. "Dismissed" 

What happens then?

You start feeling that you are about to get the silent treatment, so you try hard to keep the person engaged by talking more, raising questions, just to make sure this conversation is still going. 

How do you react?

Non stop phone calls, Watsapp messages, emails, phone messages, ect... While writing your messages you become angry and unable to control your words, however though you find your self out of control, you still can feel something controlling your reactions, as you fear expressing all what you feel.

This fear is a result of previous experiences where you were criticized because of your crazy, angry reactions, and you are threatened with a breakup. 

And then??

Then you get exhausted and you recognize that your reactions won’t get you anywhere, so you start rewarding your partner by giving him what he wants (time to cool off, a promise, an apology). And the moment he replies to you, you find your self behaving and watching each step you take, and most importantly you find your self unable to talk about "the silent treatment" because you fear going again in this cycle, so you just let it go. Now that you went into this cycle many times, you got enough and you need to stop it. 

How to stop getting the silent treatment?

Before starting to list the steps that should be followed in order to stop getting the silent treatment, there are major things that we should agree on.

• First, you cannot get the "silent treatment" unless you keep on talking and trying to make your partner respond. In other words, if the moment your partner starts giving you the "silent treatment" you also stop talking, then the silent treatment is no longer there.
• Second, take responsibility of being the victim, it's your decision to be in this situation, you are the one to blame for this repeated treatment. you contributed in this and you accepted it, by rewarding your partner for his passive aggressive behavior.
• Third, remember a quote by Einstein "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". so stop contacting the person hundreds of times and expecting to get an answer.
• Fourth, remember also the French quote "fuis-le, il te suit, suis-le, il te fuit"

Fifth, you should be conscious that the only thing you can change is your self, your attitude.

First, educate yourself about the passive aggressive personality, and accept the fact that you may have spent a long time with this person without even noticing that he/she has this character. 

Second, be aware that there is a big possibility that your partner is not really conscious of the level of pain that he/she is inflicting.

So i suggest that you use a tool of communication, where your partner decides the suitable timing for him to read your words for e.g. through Email, and try to explain to your partner what is the silent treatment, its effect on the person who receives it and on the relationship in a scientific way and support it with some quotes posted by professionals.

And most importantly, emphasize on the fact that you are not a mind reader, and as long as you are not receiving an answer, it is not your responsibility/job to analyze the message that he/she is trying to address by his/her silence. Explain that he/she shouldn't expect from anyone to read their mind. 

And if you have the will to adjust your behavior in order to make the relationship work, discuss this through Email, and assure your partner that you are ready to compromise, but this mission is impossible as long as you don't get a clear answer.

And tell your partner that you will no longer accept this attitude, no matter what, and that you reached an extent where breaking up is easier than handling this, and that you will not accept to be treated this way, regardless of how precious this person is to you. And explain that if your partner, after being informed about the silent treatment, is now ready to stop this treatment, you are going to support him/her in it, and won't take the advantage of this, instead give the partner the space he/she needs whenever he is not ready to discuss an unpleasant topic.

Finally, after completing the steps mentioned above, and you still don't get an answer, accept the fact that we, as human beings, have no control over anything and anyone, but ourselves.

Accept the fact that sometimes giving up is a blessing, find internal peace and search for it deep in your self, and end the relationship.

And here i don't mean to send a message and tell the person that it is over, because you cannot convince anyone with something that you aren't deep inside convinced with, what i mean here, is to truly break up.

if you are married then send the divorce papers, if your parents know about your relationship, then let them end it officially, and if you cannot do any of these two things, then block the person from your life and totally disappear.

And be confident and sure, that if this person really loves you and wants you, he will find his way back to you, and if he doesn't, then believe that you are not right for each others, and that this relation would have ended sooner or later, and be happy that you were able to stop this cycle before it turns you to someone that you never wish to be. 

Enough !  Appointment with Clinical Physiologist is 3 months away.

Are there any clear answers………?

Disclaimer

The information on this POST , All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.