A Silent Toast to an Empty Seat

An elderly man, who closely resembled the famous poet Robert Frost in his later years, sat in a booth diagonally across from me and one of my sons as we were enjoying our dinner on a warm Tuesday evening last week. There was something about this quiet and dignified older man dining alone that briefly intrigued me, but I quickly turned my attention back to the conversation I was having with my son. Several minutes went by before his dinner and a glass of wine arrived. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raise his glass with a trembling hand to make a silent toast to the empty seat in front of him.

I was struck by what I had just observed and quietly asked our server if she knew anything about the gentleman. She volunteered that he had been a frequent guest in the past with his wife. The server had heard his wife had passed away, but wasn’t completely certain. She added that he had started coming back to the restaurant a few weeks ago after a long absence, always dining alone.

Not expecting to gain this depth of background and insight, I briefly pondered what he must have endured in losing his wife and what kind of life they had built together. I thought of the special memories they had likely created…memories he must have been reminiscing over which prompted him to toast the empty place in front of him that was once occupied by his wife. I felt saddened and touched by all of this, but also challenged to make sure I continue doing my best to create special memories with my own wonderful wife and children that will stay with me forever.

Moved by my brief experience over dinner, I asked the server for my check, but also the check of the solitary gentleman. I felt a strong impulse to do something nice for this man. I anonymously paid for his meal and wrote a note at the top of the check: Please enjoy a small act of kindness from one of your Roswell neighbors. I hope you have a wonderful evening.

I didn’t do this to make myself feel good, but to instead let this gentleman know he is not alone and to thank him in some small way. He will likely never know the impact he had on me over a meal and our paths may not cross again, but he will know someone thought enough of him to share a simple act of kindness. Perhaps, for just a few moments, this made him feel a little less lonely in what can be an uncaring and cold world.

I left the restaurant with the timely reminder that life is precious and there are countless memories to be made. I have lost loved ones in my life and will inevitably deal with more loss in the years ahead which is an unfortunate part of the human journey. I pray I do it with the same grace and dignity as this stranger. Going forward, I will commit to being more intentional about honoring with a silent toast those friends and loved ones who have left the world too soon and whose memories I will always cherish.

How did this post and the story of the gentleman in the restaurant speak to you? Who will receive your silent toast over dinner tonight?

*Adapted from my 2023 book, Being Fully Present: True Stories of Epiphanies and Powerful Lessons from Everyday Life

Stay tuned for details about my forthcoming 12th book, Practical Virtue: An Actionable Guide to Become a Leader Worth Following. The book will be available at the end of March 2025 and is written for early-career professionals. Learn more here.

Randy Hain is the president of Serviam Partners, the award-winning author of 11 books (with the 12th book coming out in late March 2025), an executive coach, leadership consultant and thought leader on candor, clarity, time management and business relationships. He is also the co-founder of The Leadership Foundry.