The Silent Goodbye: The Fastest Way to Lose an Important Technology Partner Before You Even Gain Them

"What do you think? Is this business partner silently telling us goodbye?"

With a sleepy glance at my phone, I notice this message from one of my clients, and I am suddenly fully awake. I read the whole e-mail conversation he had with an important potential technology partner, and I am not amused.

He had blown up a promising business cooperation in just 3 emails.

That leaves me a bit speechless. He hired me for negotiation and communication coaching to gain an important tech partner, and I had been with him in several very good meetings with the prospect.

We were on the road to discuss the partner agreement.

What happened? And how can anyone replicate this "success"?

1) Make yourself a threat to the potential partner

First of all, he put things in the emails that had never been discussed in the meetings. I had advised him not to do so. "You know, when you bring up things that have never been discussed in the meeting in follow-up emails, you destroy the trust we are just about to build. You make yourself unpredictable and the partner will perceive you as a threat", is what I told him.

2) Be as confusing and offensive as possible

Secondly, he rewrote the psychologically backed, very precise wording I gave him. In this case, that was a terrible idea. I have good reasons for writing it the way I do. In his words, the emails became very offensive and confusing. I wouldn't have answered these messages either!

3) Act out your subconscious insecurities by overestimating yourself

And thirdly, his own insecurities made him bite off more than he could chew. He claimed, "I am not only a salesperson (which he was); I want them to see me as a strategic tech and R&D partner." Okay, then we have to build trust first. Which he just successfully destroyed, like coming in with a wracking ball.

I had the chance to catch up with the potential business partner and ask them what made them step away. The answer: "We didn't trust him to be able to deliver."

So, trust was lost before it even had a chance to build up.

Why are you reading this in Code Red - Technology, Madness, and the Future of Technology, where I discuss technology going rogue, what to do about it and how to create a better future for humanity.

Well, technologies are not God-given. They are man made. And at the core of technology going rogue you’ll find human relationships going rogue. Relationships are everything, and how we handle them will influence our future, for better or worse.

What is our understanding of other people? Do we want to control them for our benefit or do we sincerely care about their wellbeing?

If we can’t handle relationships and cooperation in a win-win way based on trust and integrity, we shouldn’t even attempt to create technologies.

What do you think?

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