"The Silent Drift: How We Lose Ourselves in Social Expectations and Find Our Way Back to What Truly Matters"

By Emma Rabee

We’ve all experienced it at some point—feeling like we’re not quite ourselves, drifting through life fulfilling duties, meeting expectations, and living according to rules we didn’t consciously choose. Somewhere between the obligations of work, family, and society, we lose touch with the core of who we are. We start living lives shaped by what’s expected rather than by what we desire. But why does this happen, and more importantly, how do we get back to what we really want from our hearts, not just our minds?

The Social Web: How We Get Caught

From an early age, we’re taught what’s “right” and “normal.” Our families, schools, and communities give us the blueprint: follow the rules, fit in, and succeed in ways that others will recognize. We’re told that good jobs, successful relationships, and stable lives are the markers of fulfillment. But rarely are we asked to pause and question: Is this what I want?

Many of us find ourselves trying to meet societal standards that don’t align with our deeper selves. We pursue careers because they sound prestigious, not because they spark passion. We stay in relationships because they’re comfortable, not because they bring us joy. We say “yes” when we want to scream “no,” all in the name of being agreeable, normal, and successful by the world’s definition.

It’s so subtle, this drift away from our true selves. One day we wake up and realize we’ve lost track of our own dreams, buried under layers of responsibility, expectation, and the pursuit of acceptance. We’ve been following a script handed to us by society, while our hearts’ deepest desires have been muffled, pushed aside, or forgotten altogether.

Why We Lose Ourselves

Losing ourselves isn’t just about external pressures. It’s about the internal stories we tell ourselves as well. We begin to believe that who we should be is more important than who we are. Fear plays a major role here—fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of standing out.

We create mental lists of “shoulds” and “have-tos”:

• I should be more successful by now.
• I have to keep this job because it’s secure, even if I hate it.
• I should settle down because that’s what people do at this age.

This inner dialogue convinces us that to be good, accepted, or loved, we need to keep following the path laid out by others. And so, we march on, quieting the voice of the heart in favor of the mind’s rational arguments. The heart, which longs for adventure, joy, and authenticity, takes a backseat to the mind’s demand for security, approval, and safety.

How to Get Back to What We Truly Want

So, how do we stop this cycle of losing ourselves? The answer lies in one essential practice: reconnecting with our hearts. This means tuning out external noise and tapping into our deepest desires, not just the ones that make sense on paper but the ones that make our souls light up.

Here’s how we begin:

1. Pause and Reflect The first step is to slow down and ask yourself some uncomfortable questions: Am I truly happy? Am I living for myself, or for others? What would my life look like if I followed my heart instead of society’s expectations? It’s essential to create space in your life to reflect—through meditation, journaling, or simply spending time alone. We need quiet to hear the whispers of our hearts, which have often been drowned out by the noise of daily obligations.
2. Listen to Your Emotions Your emotions are your compass. They guide you toward what resonates with your inner truth. When something feels wrong, unfulfilling, or draining, it’s a sign that you’re out of alignment with your heart. On the flip side, when something excites, energizes, or fills you with peace, that’s the heart speaking its desires.
3. Let Go of the “Shoulds” It’s time to challenge the internal scripts. Every time you find yourself thinking, I should be doing this or I have to do that, stop and ask yourself, Why? Who created that rule? Is it truly something you believe, or is it something you’ve inherited from society’s expectations? Letting go of these “shoulds” gives you the freedom to choose what feels authentic and aligned with your true self.
4. Embrace Vulnerability Returning to the heart can be terrifying. Following your own path might mean making changes, taking risks, and even disappointing others. But vulnerability is where true growth happens. When you step into the unknown, you make room for possibilities that your mind could never imagine. Vulnerability allows you to live courageously, following the guidance of your heart rather than the dictates of external expectations.
5. Take Small Steps Toward What You Want Reconnecting with your heart’s desires doesn’t mean you need to overhaul your life overnight. Start with small steps. What’s one thing you can do today that’s aligned with what you truly want? Maybe it’s saying “no” to something that doesn’t serve you, or carving out time for a passion project you’ve neglected. Over time, these small acts of self-honoring will lead you closer to the life you’re meant to live.

Rediscovering Your True Path

In the end, getting back to what you really want isn’t about grand gestures or radical changes. It’s about gradually shedding the layers of societal expectations and external pressures to reveal the authentic self underneath. It’s about learning to trust your heart again—to believe that what you truly want matters and is worth pursuing.

When we let go of the need to be “normal” or to meet everyone else’s expectations, we open ourselves to the fullness of who we are. We reclaim our right to live with joy, purpose, and meaning—not according to the world’s script, but by the guidance of our own hearts. In this, we find our way back to ourselves.