The Silent Disruptor: Passive Aggressive Coping Behaviour

Passive-aggressive behaviours are a silent disruptor within teams and organisations. They’re a form of indirect resistance in which individuals express negative feelings or resentment through subtle, non-confrontational actions rather than direct communication. Recognising this behaviour is crucial for leaders who aim to foster a healthy, collaborative work environment.

Do you recognise this pattern?

Sarah was recently assigned to a project team working on a high-stakes proposal. The project leader, James, was detail-oriented and had a clear vision for how he wanted the proposal to be structured. During the first few meetings, Sarah agreed with all of James’s ideas, nodding along and volunteering to take on several critical tasks. She appeared to be fully on board with the project’s direction.

However, as the deadline approached, it became clear that Sarah’s contributions were not aligning with the team’s goals. Despite her initial enthusiasm, the tasks she completed were either half-hearted or subtly divergent from the agreed-upon plan. For example, she consistently missed small but important details, like formatting sections of the proposal according to the guidelines, or she would “accidentally” use outdated information that had already been corrected in team meetings.

When James gently pointed out these issues, Sarah would respond cheerfully, “Oh, I must have misunderstood! I’ll fix it right away,” but the pattern persisted. Over time, these small errors began to add up, causing delays and frustration within the team. Sarah’s behaviour was never overtly defiant—she always maintained a polite and agreeable demeanour—but her actions undermined the project’s progress.

As the project neared completion, Sarah’s passive-aggressive resistance became more apparent. She began taking longer to respond to emails and would “forget” to follow through on commitments she had made in meetings. When asked about these lapses, she would offer vague excuses about being overwhelmed with other tasks, but she never directly expressed dissatisfaction or concerns about the project.

Eventually, James realised that Sarah’s behaviour was a form of passive resistance. Although she disagreed with the project’s direction, she expressed her dissatisfaction through subtle non-compliance instead of voicing her concerns openly. This realisation prompted James to have an honest conversation with Sarah. He approached the discussion with empathy, acknowledging the team's pressures, and asked if there was anything about the project that she found challenging or disagreeable.

To his surprise, Sarah admitted that she had reservations about the project’s direction from the start but didn’t feel comfortable expressing them. She had used passive-aggressive tactics to resist without directly confronting the issue. By creating a space for open dialogue, James was able to address Sarah’s concerns and find a way to incorporate her feedback into the final stages of the project.

This story about Sarah and James illustrates how passive-aggressive behaviour can manifest in a seemingly “helpful” team member and how it can be addressed through empathetic leadership and open communication.

What Can You Do When You Recognise This Pattern?

Passive-aggressive actions often manifest in ways that can be easily overlooked or misinterpreted. For instance, an employee might consistently “forget” to complete tasks they find disagreeable, offer backhanded compliments, or exhibit a pattern of subtle non-compliance. These actions are typically driven by underlying feelings of frustration, anger, or helplessness that the individual is unwilling or unable to express openly.

This behaviour is not just a minor irritant; it can significantly impact team dynamics. It breeds mistrust, hampers productivity, and can lead to a toxic work environment if left unaddressed.

The challenge for leaders is that passive-aggressive behaviour is often cloaked in a veneer of politeness or compliance, making it difficult to confront directly without clear evidence.

Addressing passive-aggressive behaviour requires a nuanced approach. Leaders may need to expand their focus on creating an environment where open communication is encouraged, and team members feel safe expressing their concerns and frustrations. This can involve setting clear expectations for behaviour, offering regular feedback, and providing avenues for employees to voice their issues constructively.

In practice, a leader might encounter a team member who frequently arrives late to meetings or is consistently unprepared. Rather than ignoring or addressing this behaviour punitively, the leader might initiate a one-on-one conversation to explore the underlying causes

By approaching the situation with empathy and curiosity, the leader can help the individual express their concerns openly and work together to find a solution that supports both the individual and the team.

In conclusion, while passive-aggressive behaviour can be challenging to identify and address, it offers an opportunity for leaders to strengthen their team’s communication and collaboration skills. By fostering an environment of trust and open dialogue, leaders can mitigate the negative impacts of passive-aggressive behaviour and promote a healthier, more productive workplace.

Tangled Yarn Metaphor

The knots in the yarn represent the underlying frustrations, unspoken concerns, and subtle resistance that have become intertwined over time. If you pull too hard or try to force the issue, the knots only become tighter, making the situation more difficult to resolve.

Instead, by carefully and methodically working through the tangles—engaging in open dialogue, asking questions to understand their perspective, and addressing the root causes—you can gradually smooth out the tension and restore a clear line of communication, just as you would restore the yarn to its original, untangled state.

This metaphor emphasises the need for patience, empathy, and a deliberate approach when dealing with passive-aggressive behaviour, ultimately leading to a more harmonious and productive team dynamic.

A passive-aggressive act is like an iceberg—what you see on the surface is only a fraction of the deeper emotions and unresolved issues lurking beneath. True leadership is about navigating those hidden depths with understanding and care. - Dr Desley Lodwick

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SPEAKER PROFILE

For many years, I’ve been speaking at summits, industry conferences, and smaller bespoke events such as workshops and retreats across Australia and internationally. I’m known for masterfully connecting research and ideas to ease work challenges.

Here are a couple of minutes from some recent speaking engagements.