The Silent Coach

My journey into coaching began during a crucial moment in my career when I had transitioned out of my HR role and was contemplating my professional next step.

At this point, coach training provided me with a fresh perspective on how to approach clients.

Throughout my life, I have always been inclined to solve problems for clients. However, coaching enabled me to step back from the role of an advisor, a problem solver, or a mentor and instead become an observer in my clients' journeys. This shift in perspective allowed me to truly be present with the clients and witness their transformations.

One crucial aspect of these transformations was the presence of silence. Silence had always made me uncomfortable. As a passionate music enthusiast, I preferred having a soundtrack accompanying my daily activities. The absence of sound has always been a mystery to me, particularly during my academic and professional endeavors.

As I engaged in coaching conversations, I faced distractions. I noticed that I could relate to many of the clients' challenges. While this approach helped me as an HR professional, it wasn't working for me as a coach. Relatability with clients' problems led me to reflect on my own struggles with similar problems, which diverted my attention away from the clients. I also felt the urge to solve their problems or provide immediate solutions, i.e. say something immediately that could provide them instant gratification.

These distractions made me realize the importance of staying fully present with the clients during our conversations.

I shared my concerns with my mentor coach, and together we devised a practical approach to assess my level of presence during client sessions. We examined how much time out of a 25-minute conversation I was genuinely engaged with the client. I realized that I was distracted by my thoughts and experiences for a few minutes in the conversation.

Based on this realization, I tried to focus on being fully present with the client in the next few coaching conversations. This allowed me to expand the amount of time I spent actively listening to the client. During this expansion, I discovered the power of using silence as a tool to remain connected with the client. Whenever I felt myself drifting away from their world and into my own, I would acknowledge it, subdue my need to problem-solve or say something, and stay silent. The silence provided an opportunity for the client to further explore their thoughts and expand upon the words they had shared.

What fascinated me about this approach was the temporary discomfort experienced by both myself and the client. However, this discomfort quickly dissipated, and the client would break the silence, often adding new insights and exploring additional areas of discussion. I felt that the client was expanding, and as the conversation progressed, it provided me with fresh avenues to explore or go deeper.

Similar to how silence is utilized as a powerful tool to communicate shifts, highs, lows, and new melodies in a symphony, I believe silence can be an influential tool for creating shifts in coaching. I experienced that silence is not only powerful for shifting the client but also the coach. I believe that silence can elevate coaching to new heights.