The Silent Abuse

Emma was unusually silent today. But, she knew in her heart, there was no end to this. She was standing by the window, inhaling the fresh October wisp. She shuddered when a cold gust of air passed through her. Taking a deep breath, she wiped off her tears from the end of her shirt sleeve. Life was good for her, but, at times, she couldn’t take it anymore. She was so engrossed in her thoughts, that she didn’t hear Collin enter the room. Collin nudged her slightly on the shoulders. With a heavy heart and a broad smile on her face, Emma turned to face her husband. Collin was shocked to see Emma in this state. A fake smile on the face, and a teary heart. Nevertheless, he loved her wife. Emma was standing there, fidgeting with her fingers.

“Sorry, Collin. I didn’t see you coming”

Collin held both her hands in his, and kissed her lightly on the cheek, “Are you ok?”

Emma smiled, not because she wanted to, but because the history was repeating itself. Without intending to start a fight, Emma said, “Yes, I am ok.” A little too harshly.

Collin, who was standing there, trying to keep things cool, couldn’t take it anymore. He loved his wife so much, but every time they came here, at his parents, things went out of control. He let go of her hands abruptly. Emma stood there shocked. But, not surprised certainly. Emma wanted to burst into tears.

“Did you see him, Collin?” Asked Emma close to tears.

“Emma, don’t forget whom you are talking about.” Barked Collin angrily at her.

This was it for Emma. She started pacing around the room. She had enough of this in the past.

“Not again, Collin” sighed Emma in a low voice.

She turned to leave the room, when Collin, with large and heavy footsteps, strides towards her, and grabbed her by the back.

“Collin, leave me, you are hurting me,” cried Emma with tears in her eyes.

“No!” He barked, “There’s no looking back. What were you saying about my dad?” Emma knew there was no backing off. She had heard this finality in Collin’s voice before, many times.

She tried to remain calm, and straightened her shoulders, “Ok, if you want to hear this.”

She stopped, looked at the man she loved, but, instead she saw a man she didn’t know at all. They were married for 8-long years, but whenever this argument came up, there was no stopping to it. Collin just stood there, gazing back at her, with fierce anger in his eyes.

“Whenever I am here, your dad gazes back at me, as if I am dirt.” She stopped, searching for words, “Or wait, let me put it this way, whatever I do when I am here, your dad stares at me as if I’m the person he hates the most in this world. If I eat, he stares, if I talk, he stares. In short, I am sure he is disgusted to see me here. Can I know the reason why he does that?” Emma was sobbing loudly now, but Collin just stood there, unmoving, like a stone.

“You think too much. I am sure you are assuming things.” Said Collin a little defensively. Hearing this yet again, made Emma shout on top of her lungs. But, whatever she did, or said to Collin, he will remain defensive towards his father. So, instead of saying anything that will make her husband more angry at her, she chose to keep quiet.

Emma was hurt, but there was no one to hear her silent wail. She decided to end this misery. The next day when Collin went for some work, leaving her alone at her parents, she wrote a letter to him.

Dear Collin,

I love you a lot, and I hope you know that. But, I am dying. Yes! This is true. Slowly and gradually I am dying. My heart breaks into a million pieces whenever I am abused. Yes! You read that right. I am being abused by your father. No! I am not talking about physical abuse. I am being tortured with silent abuse. The abuse that keeps me from doing anything. Whatever I do, I am being stared at with disgust in his eyes. We fight, and patch up, but do we resolve the issues? No! and we never will because it is me against him. And I know there’s no resolving this matter. So the only way out is ending my life. I am sorry for leaving you like this, but I had no way out of this. I couldn’t leave you because you mean the world to me. I only wanted two things from you; love and respect. Love you gave me, and that too unconditional, but respect, you failed me to provide me that in your home. I am not a piece of dirt, I have feelings too. And I couldn’t endure this anymore. I know you love your dad, but the way he treated me was wrong. I only want you to ask him one thing, what if his daughter gets treated the way I was treated this past 8-years? You may say he didn’t do anything because no one saw what I did, in his eyes; his actions and his behavior towards me was enough to kill me each time we came here. You’ll always remain defensive towards him, he is your dad, but I only wanted you to stand by me, instead of saying that I assumed things every single time in this 8-years. This is it Collin, the only way out I could think of.