Silence makes you emotionally stronger

Are you a lover of silence? Keep silent even during boiling situations makes you stronger internally. I don’t know what you’re thinking but I know you are somewhat scared reading this and I’m exasperated, I’m fatigued, because I’m scared what you are thinking will hurt me or it will even hurt you. And now I’m overthinking, left to ponder in my own head what is going on in yours and this lack of communication causes me panic.

You finally say something and it’s not what I wanted to hear and then you go silent again. But now it’s awkward and I’m not thinking but I’m just feeling this empty air hang above us, trying to gather myself together and keep hold of my feelings. Now it’s my turn to speak and I realize I have to be the one to break the silence.

But this silence now transforms into a clock, reminding me that I have to say something and it’s on me and tick tock, tick tock, I feel the time passing with every second of silence. I realize I have nothing to say to you. And now this silence signifies the loss of words and loss of our connection. Silence is unknown. It could mean the end of a friendship, or the start of a relationship. It could signify the loss of a connection. It could signify the start of one. It is unpredictable. And because of that, it elicits strong emotions.

Silence in the face of a need to communicate, to understand what is happening, is very stressful to us. Although silence is golden but it comes in the shape of a smooth sphere of gold where there are no crevices or toe holds on it’s featureless surface. No way to get a grip on anything to break the deafening sounds of silence. No positive, no negative, no resolution to the mystery. An important part of your life disappears and you are not allowed to know if its permanent or just a phase. Or just, why is it so?

However, some people use silence as a weapon, or as a form of punishment. In this context it provokes the same intensity of emotional response as any attack or act of aggression. In fact, might it not provoke even more intense emotion than overt aggression, since it allows the silent aggressor to deny his or her aggressive intent, thereby turning any emotional response back on the recipient? But other ones use silence as a form of meditation, facilitating exploration of one’s own inner feelings. In a group setting, as for example in the practice of silent worship, this can generate quite intense feelings of community. Know that silence is like a mirror. It reflects back whatever looks into it.

Of course there’s a difference between being quiet, introverted, and rude, although you can be all three at the same time. If you are simply introverted, you don’t like sharing your feelings with people you don’t know, or talking a lot with strangers. You prefer private reflection over public expression. You may prefer writing or painting instead of acting or public speaking. That’s absolutely fine! Don't worry about being an introvert. Thank goodness that there are different types of people in the world. (By the way, most people are ambiverts: neither introverted nor extroverted, but a combination of both.)

And then there is being quiet. Some people are quiet because they are shy. Some people are quiet because they aren't good conversationalists. Some people are quiet in certain circumstances because they are listening, thinking, watching, or doing something else. I have had friends who were die hard introverts and I can tell you that there is a difference between shyness and being introverted. In other words, you can be a social introvert. In fact, your propensity for silence can be to your advantage. Ask questions and listen. Introverts are often much better listeners. Your propensity to “look before you leap,” or i.e. think and observe before you say something or act, can be another great advantage. Many introverts consider themselves expert people watchers.

And there is also great value in saying what you mean, and not wasting words on silly tangents. As Shakespeare said, "Brevity is the soul of wit.” Keep in mind that most communication is non-verbal. People pay much more attention to body language, facial expressions, and the way somethings is said, than to what is said. Therefore to be a good communicator, you don't usually have to say much. Your quietness appears rude when it is disengaging. If someone offers you something, and you simply say “no” without looking them in the eye. When someone asks you a question, and you don’t answer at all or even give a nonverbal response. Cheers!