The Side of Parenting We Don't Talk About Enough

When I was in college I studied Psychology as a Pre-Med student. I had to take all of the extra science classes — including the self-flagellation that is organic chemistry. I had a relatively competitive roster: a 3.7, published on research papers, hundreds of hours of clinical volunteer work, and I was all set to take the MCAT. While studying I met my future wife, a doctor’s daughter, and my journey soon ended. After years of effort, I decided it wasn’t the right path for me, and I never even applied.

My story is quite common. Only?36% of people?who apply, and only about?17%?of those who start college as Pre-Med end up going to medical school. This explains the overwhelming discouragement that I experienced every step of the way, from nearly every faculty member. All of them knew what I wasn’t interested in believing, that I had a less than 20% chance of getting into medical school. I remember the primary premed advisor looking me in the face and telling me “The odds are not in your favor. You likely will not succeed. Most people who start this path don’t finish it.”

I remember hearing similar sentiments from my Biology, Chemistry, Anatomy, Physics, and Biochemistry professors. It seemed no one wanted me to go to medical school! Or at least, no one was encouraging it. In fact, they were taking the opposite approach, and actively discouraging it.

As a society, I feel we should do something similar with parenting.

There are already too many people in the world. We’ve gotten too good at keeping people alive. We see massive competition and a noticeable decline in quality of life as we push our population to its limit. We don’t need to have children anymore, the world is already plenty?multiplied and replenished.

It’s not just a matter of space and resources, either. Bringing children into the world is a huge responsibility that requires a significant investment of time, energy, and resources. Parents are responsible for raising their children, providing for their needs, and ensuring that they have the best possible start in life. It’s not just a full-time job,?it is a literal non-stop job that requires immense dedication and sacrifice.

But what about the joys of parenthood? What about the unconditional love and fulfillment that comes with raising a child? While it’s true that parenthood can be a wonderful and rewarding experience, it’s important to remember that it’s not the only path to a fulfilling life. There are many other ways to find purpose and meaning in life, whether it’s through pursuing a career, traveling the world, or engaging in meaningful social or environmental causes.

Moreover, having children can be detrimental to one’s mental and physical health. Raising a child is a significant stressor. It increases your risk for depression, makes you fat, and even increases a mother's risk of premature death. The responsibilities and pressure can take a toll on one’s well-being; often building putrid wells of resentment that can lead to abusive parenting. Children are also expensive, and parenthood can be a source of financial stress, with the cost of raising a child often underestimated.

Of course, there are valid arguments for having children. Outside of the emotional, there is a very real?need to repopulate society?so there are workers to support retirees. But this problem can also?be solved with immigration. And coercing the population into becoming parents will lead to more shitty parents and more shitty members of society — hardly a desirable tradeoff.

We should not be shaming and pressuring people into something they are likely to do poorly at. We should discourage them. Besides, there is a percentage of the population who is going to want children more than anything else. These are the parents synonymous with the 17% that actually make it to medical school. They will be more likely to create safe nurturing environments that effectively socialize their offspring and turn them into productive members of society, instead of trauma-riddled, insecure, and entitled children that inhabit adult bodies.

It’s no surprise so many of us carry our parents’ mistakes into adulthood; parenting is incredibly difficult. It’s a 24/7 job that requires constant attention, energy, and sacrifice. You’ll face sleepless nights, irrational tantrums, and the constant worry that you’re not doing enough for your child. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly, and it’s certainly not for everyone.

But for those who are ready to take on the challenge, the rewards are immeasurable. Watching your child grow and learn, seeing the world through their eyes, and feeling their unconditional love and affection are some of the greatest joys you will ever experience.

You should be scared of parenthood. Damn scared. It is rarely rainbows and sunshine — it’s messy, chaotic, and often exhausting. But it’s also a journey that will challenge you, teach you, and ultimately make you a better person. The love and connection that you feel with your child are unlike anything else in the world. It’s a powerful, humbling experience that will change you in ways you never thought possible.

I’m not saying don’t have kids, not truly. But I am trying to discourage you by getting across just how bloody difficult it really is. Similar to medical school, it’s not for everyone, and most who try will not succeed the way they hope to.

So just understand what you are getting yourself into. Although they will likely pull you to the lowest of lows, they will raise you to highs you never knew possible. The feeling of those tiny little hands locking around my neck and saying “I wuv u dada” is indescribable.

Is it worth it…? Probably depends on whom you ask. But don’t have kids unless you are ready to step your ass up, deal with the absolute shit it brings into your life, and still be a great fucking parent! It’s not a decision to be taken lightly, but for those who are ready and willing to put in the work, it can be one of the most fulfilling experiences of a lifetime.