Shy of Asking for help!

Asking for help is universally dreaded--but it's a skill that we can learn.

The first question I have to ask is do we resist asking for help--until it's our last resort?

If the answer is yes, then you’ve already joined the crowd.

The fierce independence we all enjoy these days is creating a culture of live disconnected and connect only if you want to is giving rise to unprecedented isolation. Attendance @ social meetings is down, involvement in community activities has dropped, and to simply having friends over to the house has decreased too. Meanwhile, one in three people say they have no one to confide in -- and most everyone reports overwhelming levels of stress at home and on the job.

The good news?

We can learn to ask for help.

But first, we've got to figure why you don't, why we should, and how we can.

Why we don't ask for help

Asking for help is so frightening that, even when faced with death, some of us will still not ask for that helping hand. To overcome this dread, you've got to debunk some common cultural myths--and face your fears:

Myth: Asking for help makes us look weak or needy.

Reality: There's no shame in turning to others in times of need. In fact, it's a sign of strength.

Myth: Asking for help signals incompetence--especially at work.

Reality: Seeking help at work shows others that you want to do the job right--and to develop and learn.

Myth: Asking for help can harm relationships.

Reality: Healthy relationships are about give-and-take--not just give.

Myth: Asking for help puts others in an awkward position.

Reality: It's human nature to offer help when you see someone in need--and it's no different when others see us in need.

Myth: Asking for help might lead to rejection.

Reality: Even a "no" response offers the opportunity to learn more about yourself--and your relationships.

Myth: Asking for help means the job might not get done right.

Reality: Refusing to ask for fear of losing control maintains the status quo. Let go and give our helpmate a chance to shine.

Myth: Asking for help means we'll have to return the favor.

Reality: Help freely given comes with no strings attached--other than a simple and sincere thank-you.

Myth: Asking for help just isn't our way of living.

Reality: Independence and self-sufficiency are admirable qualities that lead to success. Still, all great enterprises--including our nation--were built on mutual support and teamwork.

Why we should ask for help

Mastering this art can ease and enhance our life and career in a variety of ways.

Asking for help:

? Deepens connections

When someone answers our call for help, it strengthens the bond between us--or creates the potential for a new relationship.

? Reduces stress and restores energy

Getting help can save you time and energy, simplify our life, and improve our work-life balance.

? Reminds us that you're not alone

Everyone needs help at times. If you're the type who endures hardships with grim determination, you'll discover you don't have to go it alone.

? Gives happiness to others

Don't we feel good when we help someone else? Letting others help us gives them that same opportunity.

? Leads to personal growth

Taking risks, learning to trust, and finding out that others have got our back are just a few of the lessons we'll learn.

? Allows the pleasure of surrender

Being out of control can actually feel great. Once asking for help gets a little easier, we'll relish the experience of letting go.

? Reminds you that we're worthy of support

We deserve a hand as much as anyone else. When someone comes to our aid, it reinforces that message.

? Lets others shine

Seeking help gives others the opportunity to reach out, contribute, and try something new.

? Clarifies relationships

Mayday calls reveal the strengths and limitations of relationships--and provide important "aha" moments.

? Solves problems

Don't overlook the original reason for the Mayday call: We're in trouble and need help--help that could potentially change, or even save, your life.

How we can ask for help

Too many of us would rather go it alone when help is right there--just for the asking.

Here are ways to reach out with comfort and confidence:

? Practice.

Like building our muscles requires regular exercise. Challenge ourselv to ask for help three times a day--every day.

? Go easy on ourselves.

Self-care is the new self-help. Be compassionate with ourself--and remember that we, too, are deserving of help.

? Cast a wider net.

Expand our list of helpmates. Look beyond the obvious--family and friends, and colleagues -- and add some new names to the list, starting with someone who's been in our shoes.

? Plan the time--and place.

Talk to our potential helpmate as soon as possible. Pick a convenient time for him or her, and do it in person--and in private.

? Be specific.

Articulate our needs. Clarify what we're looking for--from terms to timelines--though be careful not to micromanage.

? Listen differently.

Be attentive to the subtle cues behind a general "yes" or "no" response. Is your potential helpmate willing--or reluctant?

? Use the "three thanks" rule.

Don't flub the thanks. Express our gratitude three times--when the agreement is struck, when the need has been met, and when we next see your helpmate.

Ask early, ask often

No one is immune from needing help, even in today's go-it-alone culture. So, take a risk and "make the ask"--early and often. It just may change our life!

I need help.

I really need it, as

·         I want to know each of you all even more than I know you now.

·         I want to enhance my stature as a human being, so I want to get even closer to

you all.

·         I want cheer to prevail on me, and I can do it only when I can see we all

cheerful.

Am not being selfish, but I have asked for these three helps for this day, please offer it to me.