Shrink your inner jerk

Here’s how you can be less of a jerk to yourself, and treat other people better too. Win. Win.

?? How former ABC news journalist Dan Harris became less of a jerk

Dan Harris explains the cheesy upward spiral that lifted him out of jerkdom

The big idea: You can’t be nice to others when you are being a jerk to yourself.??

???Dan’s dilemma:?Dan thought that his anger and self-centeredness was well hidden. It wasn't. A 360-degree survey of friends, family, and colleagues said that Dan was a jerk.

?How did Dan change his angry self-centered reality?

• He replaced?the negative self-talk of his inner critic with the encouragement of an inner good friend.
• He began a practice?of lovingkindness meditation where you repeat a well-wishing phrase such as, “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease” to an increasingly large circle of people, including people you don't like. Lovingkindness has proven jerk-shrinking, anger-reducing qualities.

Dan's jerk-reduction formula: Supportive self-talk + lovingkindness =?self-compassion.

Yes, but?didn’t Dan lose his edge when he became kinder to himself? Like all good friends, Dan’s inner good friend has high standards, and doesn’t let him wallow in disappointment.

Science tells us that self-criticism makes it more difficult to bounce back from failure. It’s easier to achieve your goals when you have an inner friend who wants you to succeed and?be happy rather than an inner sadist who is never satisfied no matter how successful you are.?

And the benefits of self-compassion don’t end with greater success and happiness in goal achievement. You can also expect:

• All the good stuff that goes with high self-esteem — less depression, more optimism, greater happiness and life satisfaction — with none of the nasty narcissistic side effects.?
• A greater ability to cope with stressful life events.
• Better health choices.?

Do It Now:?Try?out this 10-minute lovingkindness meditation from acclaimed meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg.

Get charged up?on Dan’s terrific new TED Talk.

???Recharge Your Wellbeing With These:?

?? ?? In just 95 seconds, Dan Pink will teach you how to calm down in any situation.?

?? Dr. Laurie Santos shares the secret of how to use the science of benign masochism to host the best movie party ever!

??? ♀??The New York Times?tells us how to make strength training into a habit. All you need is 30-60 minutes per week to max out on the long-term benefits.

?? Which should come first on your priority list, success or happiness? Arthur Brooks has the science-backed answer.

?? William Shatner’s “overwhelmingly sad” trip to space, the final frontier came with the realization that “the beauty isn't out there, it's down here, with all of us”.?

Bonus: Get 50 expert tips on how to feel more positive. Be sure to set your joy alarm! ?

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The Recharge Quote of the Week is from the book Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto, by “Nap Bishop” Tricia Hersey who invites you to be kind to yourself, to rest.