Show Up for Myself: Selena Blackmore on Becoming Independent and Finding Purpose

“When you start with yourself—asking who you are and how you want to show up—it naturally makes it easier to show up authentically in all other areas. It creates flow because you’re in tune with your essence and purpose, and that naturally extends to how you show up for others.” Selena Blackmore

Selena Blackmore ?is an intuitive life and transformation coach who helps individuals reconnect with their life purpose. Selena spent nearly 20 years in the corporate world, constantly seeking new challenges. However, she ultimately felt unfulfilled by the persistent politics and lack of connection to her values, realizing her calling lay elsewhere. Having a personal conversation about meaning, freedom, and legacy is crucial, whether we decide to be independent professionals or continue in the corporate world. Being true to ourselves is more than just a career move—it’s a lifelong path of growth that helps us stay aligned with who we truly are.

Stephen Matini: You decided to become an independent professional, which many people aspire to. What inspired you to make that transition?

Selena Blackmore: I spent almost 20 years working for a great company, and in that time, I had the luxury of being able to redefine myself within the organization. Every two or three years, I would go out and look for something different, something new that I hadn't done before. I wouldn’t say I have a short attention span, but I do get bored quickly. I’m someone who loves learning and doing new things.

Becoming independent wasn’t necessarily a conscious decision in the beginning. I always knew, from early on, that I wanted to be self-employed at some point, but I thought it would happen later in life, once my children were older.

Then, a reorganization happened, and my position no longer existed. I spent three years in the company, doing different things, which was a luxury, as it was a good company that allowed me to try new areas. But the same issues kept surfacing—things like office politics—and they just weren’t aligning with me. That’s when I had a moment where I thought, "Why not go for it?”

When I decided to make the move, I didn’t have a detailed plan. It wasn’t like I had a big business strategy figured out. It was more of a gut decision: "Let’s try this. What’s the worst that could happen?" I figured, if it didn’t work out, I could always go back to a corporate job. But I knew I didn’t want to stay where I was. I am a bit of a risk-taker, so I just trusted that things would work themselves out. And even if they didn’t, I felt okay with that. I went into it with an open mind, ready for whatever came next.

SM: Did you sense that there was something missing from your corporate life that you needed to find somewhere else?

SB: What I was missing in my corporate world was the connection to myself. I was very lucky towards the end of that time because I was working with leadership development, which brought me closer to work that felt more naturally attuned to me. But I think I was just missing a place where I could really feel my values connecting.?

My purpose in life is to serve and support others, and I felt like I wasn't able to do that. It felt superficial; it didn’t feel real. Even though the purpose we were working towards was great, I felt that people were losing sight of it.

A lot of people got lost in the politics and the desire to look good—all that stuff that happens in big companies—and they lost sight of the real purpose: why are we here? I reached a point where I said, "No, I really want to work with people, companies, and businesses that are truly aligned with their purpose and keep it clearly in front of them," because that matches my values as well.

SM: If you had stayed, do you think anything could have been done to create a more authentic, purpose-driven environment?

SB: At the time, I wasn’t in a space where I knew how to do that, or maybe I didn’t have the right people around me to help me figure it out. But I think finding your truth or purpose might change where you work or shift what you’re doing, but it might not.?

A lot of it comes down to feeling comfortable with what you do, feeling like, "This is really me. This is why I wake up every morning, excited about being myself, going out there, doing work, and helping others." That energy itself, when you bring it into the space you're in—whatever the work, job, or career looks like—you can absolutely live in your purpose.

From my experience working with people and in my coaching space, I see people often feel this conflict. But I think it can be reconciled. Obviously, you can only control yourself. You can decide how much work you're going to put into yourself and how you want to show up. You have less control over what's going on around you. You have to be okay with the fact that you can’t necessarily change other people or the organization.

I’m a big believer in the ripple effect. If you start showing up differently, bringing different energy into meetings or in how you connect with people or how you lead, that will have a ripple effect on others as well.

SM: In your corporate experiences, have you ever seen that level of authenticity and openness in someone?

SB: Yes, I have. There was one person I worked with in leadership development. He was heading the group, and it was so different from anything else I’d experienced in that organization. He just spoke his mind and shared his truth.

What I specifically respected was that he didn’t care whether he was talking to the CEO or the cleaning lady. The way he showed up and shared his truth was completely anti-political. There was no sense of, "Oh, you can’t say that to this person." He was like, "Why not? Why is that person worth more than this person?" And he truly lived by that. It’s hard to be like that. I think it’s not easy. To really show up like that takes a lot of inner strength and inner work. It also requires the awareness that not everyone is going to like you, and being OK with that.

He was open about the fact that he wasn’t there to be liked; he was there to create change, to ask the difficult questions, and to put the elephant on the table, saying, "What are we really talking about?" I really admired that. He’s still one of my biggest inspirations from that company.

SM: What’s the first step people can take to simplify the overwhelming question of finding their purpose?

SB: I'm actually going to share an experience I had yesterday. It was a beautiful experience with a group of women, and it was a mix of art, manifestation, and vision purpose workshop. We had a lovely dinner, and then we did a painting that represented our purpose or goal for the year.?

The lady running the workshop had a profound way of introducing ourselves. She asked us to answer the question, "Who are you?" It sounds like a simple question, but then she added, "I don’t want you to use your name. I don’t want you to say how old you are, how many kids you have, whether you’re married, what your job is, or what your hobbies are. Nothing that defines you through associations like 'I’m single with three kids' or 'I’m married with two.' Leave all that aside. Who are you as a person?”

It was such a profound question. I realized I had never been asked to describe myself that way. It’s a very simple question, but starting with simplicity helps you really reflect on who you are without all the external labels. It’s a fantastic way to begin the process of self-discovery and, as you said, checking in with yourself.

From there, I think it’s important to ask, "How do I want to show up for myself?" In coaching, many people focus on how they show up for others—partners, parents, at work, to family, friends. These are great questions, but many of us don’t start with how we show up for ourselves.

When you start with yourself—asking who you are and how you want to show up—it naturally makes it easier to show up authentically in all other areas. It creates flow because you’re in tune with your essence and purpose, and that naturally extends to how you show up for others.

It’s a hard question to answer, but it can be as simple as asking it. You might not know right away, and that’s okay. That’s good, actually, because it starts the process in your mind and heart. As you go for a run, take a shower, or do something creative like painting, you might have an "aha" moment.?

I’m also a big fan of journaling. It's become my morning ritual. I think journaling is a great way to reflect. Just writing things down can help you think through questions like, "Who am I?" and "How do I want to show up?" Even asking yourself that question every morning and writing it down—with no judgment, no right or wrong—just what feels right to you. Sometimes, things come up that you never expected or thought about.

That’s the exciting part of getting to know yourself and transforming. I’m 43, turning 44 this year, and I feel like I’m only just starting to understand who I really am. I spent a large part of my life thinking or pretending to be someone I wasn’t quite. Now I’m realizing, "Oh, this is actually who I am." And I believe it’s a lifelong journey.

I think until our last breath, the journey of getting to know yourself is one of the best investments you can make. It has a huge impact on all the other relationships in your life.

SM: When you committed to being authentic and becoming an independent professional, how did people around you react?

SB: There was definitely a mix of reactions. I should add that when I decided to go independent, the timing wasn’t ideal. I had just gone through a divorce, I have three children, and I was a single parent. Financially, it wasn’t a great situation, so I was starting from a difficult position. It wasn’t the smartest financial decision to take a risk and put my family in a vulnerable position.

Some people were like, "Are you sure?" I didn’t get any direct criticism, but I imagine people might have questioned my decision behind closed doors. I left a well-known company, where I had a secure, well-paid job, to pursue something uncertain without a clear plan. So, there were definitely people who thought, "What is she doing?”

However, those closest to me, like one of my oldest friends, were incredibly supportive. She’s been my biggest cheerleader since we were 13. She told me, "This is fantastic, you’ve got this." And during my journey, as anyone who’s gone independent knows, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows—it’s a rollercoaster.?

There have been times when I’ve felt like giving up, but she’s always there to remind me, "You’ve got this, hang in there." Having cheerleaders in your life is crucial. You don’t need a whole team, just one or two people who truly believe in you. Overall, the reactions were more positive than negative. Many people shared that they’d love to do the same but didn’t feel secure enough to take the leap.

What I’ve learned is to be careful about who you share your ideas with, especially when they’re still forming. Share them with your cheerleaders because they’ll support you or give honest feedback. But if you share them with too many people, you might encounter negativity or doubt that could drain your energy. It’s important to surround yourself with those who lift you up.

I genuinely believe anyone can set up their own business or become an entrepreneur. Younger generations seem to have more of that trust and willingness to try, while people in my generation are often more risk-averse. But if you have a vision, motivation, and your heart is in it, why not?

When we feel something is missing, we tend to distract ourselves—whether through work, excessive exercise, or constantly changing relationships. But at some point, you realize that external things won’t fill that gap; it has to be filled by looking inward and connecting with yourself.

Losing a lot in a short space of time really brings home how fleeting everything is. I lost my dad when I was 25, and later, I went through a difficult period where I separated from my husband, burned out at work, got divorced, and lost my mom when I was five months pregnant with my daughter. My mom was my rock, my best friend, and losing her was devastating. She never got to meet my daughter. It was one of those moments when you’re on your knees, thinking, "I can’t do this." But I believe life only gives you challenges you can handle, even if they feel impossible at the time.

When you come through those challenges, you’re no longer afraid of the small things. When you’ve lost everything that once defined you—your marriage, your job—you’re left stripped bare, and it’s a humbling experience. It forces you to ask, "Who am I if I’m not this family unit or successful corporate person?" Taking that step back to reevaluate yourself is difficult, but it helps you take bigger risks later because you’ve already faced losing it all.

Now, I’m most grateful every day for my health and the health of my children and loved ones. Everything else is just extra. If we wake up healthy, everything else is just the sprinkles and fairy dust that add to our lives.

SM: When I face a big challenge, I think, "That would be hard, but I'll live it; I'll experience it." You can't avoid pain—life brings it no matter what.

SB: As a child, I worried about anything and everything that could happen. I had a lot of anxiety. We create these stories in our heads about what might happen, and we tend to default to the negative.?

For example, if you get an email from your boss saying, "Can we meet in half an hour?"—and there’s no meeting planned—you automatically think, "Have I done something wrong? Why do they want to see me?" Instead of thinking, "Maybe they just want to check in with me.”

We quickly jump to negative conclusions and create stories about all the terrible things that could happen. I still catch myself doing this, but afterward, I realize it wasn’t a big deal. It takes a lot of conscious effort to stop that pattern and stay in the present, reminding yourself, "I’m here now." The future isn’t real because it hasn’t happened yet—it’s just what we’ve created in our minds.

The avoidance of pain or the fear of being left behind or lacking something is a story we tell ourselves. Finding ways—whether through mindfulness, meditation, journaling, or other practices—to help yourself stay in the present is key.?

I’m a big believer in breath work. If you’re feeling anxious, learn to tune into your body. Where am I feeling this anxiety—in my chest, my heart, my stomach? Breathe into those areas. Even something as simple as that can create huge shifts.

People often think they need to meditate for half an hour every day, but you don’t. I don’t have time for that either. It can be as simple as sitting and breathing for a minute, or even 30 seconds. Breathing into the tension, letting it go, and then feeling ready to move forward.

Letting go of that worry and finding spaces to connect with yourself is a pivotal practice in embracing who you are. Going through your emotions is important because they all exist for a reason.?

Fear, for example, is a good thing—it’s helped us survive for millions of years. We needed fear to stay safe, to run from Sabertooth tigers and other threats. I’ve done a lot of work to embrace my fear, saying to it, "Thank you for being there. You’ve kept me safe in dangerous situations. But there are times when I don’t need you."?

I love how you described letting all your emotions be a part of you because, if you try to reject something, the universe usually throws it back in your face. If you say, "I don’t want to feel fear or pain," the universe acknowledges that but will still make you face it. And usually, you’ll keep attracting more of it until you decide to confront it.?

Learning to love all your emotions ties back to who you are and showing up as your true self—loving yourself. Falling in love with yourself is something we aren’t used to doing, and it’s hard for us to truly love ourselves. For me, this is a lifelong mission, something I’ll be working on until the end: loving myself and embracing who I am.

SM: How do you define success now, after experiencing so much transformation and growth?

SB: My definition of success has changed and evolved a lot. For me now, success is about being able to live my truth. It’s about following my purpose, living it every day, and also making that a part of how I earn my living—how I attract abundance into my life. Success, for me, is also about having a clearer sense of what’s really important in life, which has become much more defined.

When I was younger, I wasn’t super driven by money—money wasn’t a big motivator for me—but I was more driven by position and role. I was quite focused on where I wanted to go career-wise. Now, I think one of the biggest luxuries I have is time. Time has become so important to me—the time I have with my children, with my friends, and with myself.

I spent a long time putting myself behind everyone else, but now I’m really starting to change that balance. There needs to be a balance, and time is a huge part of what success means to me. I feel very fortunate to have time for myself. I’m not in that nine-to-five space, stuck in seven hours of meetings a day.

I can choose the people I want to work with, the spaces I want to be in, and just be authentic to myself. Living my truth, being authentic, and following my purpose to serve others are all part of my definition of success.?

Time is such a luxury, and when you're caught in the hamster wheel of work, you don’t realize how important it is. When you step out of it, like I did after my burnout, you suddenly realize, "Oh, wow, there’s something else."?

I see a lot of my friends, particularly those who are working parents, constantly stressed and rushing from one thing to another. I feel really privileged to have stepped back, to give myself more space, and to give my family and those around me more space. If I want to be true and present for people, I can’t do that if I’m constantly stressed and running around. I wouldn’t be showing up as the best version of myself.

SM: Where should our readers start to reconnect with their authentic selves, if they felt out of alignment?

SB: It's a very individual journey, and that’s what I find so exciting about working with people—everyone is at a different stage or in a different space. As I said, you can start with simple things. If someone has already started asking themselves the question or noticed that something doesn’t feel right, and they've begun to ask, "What is it?" or, "Who am I? How do I want to show up?"—they've already planted that seed.?

Gabby Bernstein has written several books and done a lot of work around manifestation, and she talks about the power of planting a seed. I love this analogy. The moment you start putting that out there—planting that seed in yourself, not just in your head, but also in your heart, body, and emotions—that's when you begin to create momentum. By sparking that seed and building momentum, you're already starting the process.

I think many people underestimate that they're already doing the work. They often feel like they need to fill out a form, attend a workshop, or do something tangible to begin. But the process starts when you recognize that something needs to change, or when you feel that something isn't right. Maybe you notice that every time something happens, you feel a certain way, or you're getting sick often when you do certain things—that's already putting energy into your inner journey of recognizing what needs to change.

From there, it can take different forms. It could involve working with coaches, therapists, or attending workshops. I'm a big believer in putting that energy out there and asking for what needs to come to you. Instead of worrying about which coach or therapy to choose—getting stuck in your head and fearing you won't find the right person—just say, "I want someone to help me with this," or "I would like some guidance," and then let it go. It will come to you, because it’s happened to me so many times. These constant nudges are out there.?

Be compassionate with yourself. Give yourself credit for even exploring this, because there are so many people who aren't. We all need to give ourselves a bit more self-love.

??? Listen to the episode on Spotify , Apple Podcasts , YouTube , Amazon Music , or your favorite podcast platform .

Subscribe to Pity Party Over ?for inspiring stories and insights from leading experts, innovators, and entrepreneurs changing the world.

#AuthenticityInAction #PersonalGrowthJourney #CareerTransformation #WorkLifeBalance #ProfessionalFreedom #LiveYourPurpose #LeadershipDevelopment #AuthenticLeadership #PurposeDrivenLife #MentalWellbeing #CareerChange #EmbraceChange #SelfAwareness #PodcastEpisode #PityPartyOver