Show Them Who You Are!

In recent discussions that I’ve had with working professionals, I was surprised by the high percentage of people who felt they could not be their authentic selves at work. Diversity and inclusion efforts are powerless without the acceptance of the unique identities of every team member. If team members do not feel as though they can be their authentic selves, then you lose the benefit that diversity and inclusion provide. The stats we love to quote about the benefits of diversity are meaningless if we don’t create an environment where people are free to be themselves.

Statistics show that companies that are in the top quartile for gender and ethnic diversity are 25-36% more likely to have financial returns above their industries medians (McKinsey & Company’s Diversity Wins report). However, in order to reap the rewards of diversity, we must embrace, celebrate and promote team members who do not fit the predominant corporate mold. In fact, we must redefine the status quo of what success “looks like” to be reflective of a diverse workforce. If 60% of the employees at an organization are women but they all feel a need to conform to an unnatural popular culture, then the company has robbed itself of the benefits of diversity. Those team members more than likely will not share their unique thoughts, experiences and ideas if the culture doesn’t embrace them.

Personally, I’ve found a direct correlation between team members who feel that they cannot be their authentic selves and those who suffer from the “Impostor syndrome”. News flash: If we’re not being ourselves at work then we are definitely imposters. The fear of being exposed as a fraud is valid because we’re code switching in order to survive and thrive in our careers. 

I’ve come to find that I have a personal responsibility for Diversity and Inclusion that I didn’t always realize. I must figure out a way to purposefully and authentically be myself despite the resistance to difference. It is my duty to let my personality, intelligence, humility, leadership and sense of humor shine in every interaction. I’m a detriment to my team, organization, community and family if I do not show them who I am. 

Show Them Who You Are

In the movie “The Black Panther” there’s a scene where there was a fight between T’Challa (the Prince) and M’Baku (an outsider) to become King of Wakanda. It was to be a battle to the end. The two fought on a mountaintop and M’Baku appeared to be the bigger and stronger fighter. M’Baku grabbed T’Challa in a bear hug that was so tight that you could hear T’Challa’s ribs begin to crack. He was in trouble and looked weak and defeated in that moment. As M’Baku held T’Challa in a bear hug he said, “No powers, no claws, no special powers, he’s just a boy not fit to be king.”

I imagine that T’Challa began to even doubt himself and his abilities as he slowly succumbs to the reality that he’s not good enough to win the fight. Pain and fatigue have a way of wearing you down mentally to a point where you begin to think irrational thoughts. Then suddenly, there was a voice that overpowered all other voices and penetrated T’Challa’s ears and lifted his spirit. It was his mother, Queen Ramonda. She screamed out with a powerful voice and said, “Show him who you are!” That one phrase awakened something in T’Challa because he began to fight will all of this might. T’Challa then looked up as him mother as said, “I am Prince T’Challa, son of King T’Chaka.”

As with most fictional superhero movies, you can almost predict what was going to happen next. T’Challa’s strength was restored and he won the fight to become the King of Wakanda. As I watched this scene play out in the movie theater, I wondered why Queen Ramonda screamed out “Show him who you are”? She obviously believed in her son’s ability. She could have said anything, “You can do it.” “Don’t quit.” “Kick him.” She could have said several other things that would have inspired him. I believe that she understood the power of identity. It was clear to her that T’Challa was struggling with an identity crisis in the middle of a tumultuous battle. 

Many of us can relate because we’ve experienced situations that were so challenging that it made us question our identity and purpose in life. As I sat in the theatre and thought about the importance of identity, I silently asked myself, “Who am I?” My first thought was, “I am Deonte, Prince of Zamunda” but I had to quickly snap out of my superhero fantasy and really think more deeply about that question. As I struggled to find the words to articulate my identity, I knew I had to give it a lot more energy and thought. 

Show, Don’t Prove

As underrepresented groups, it’s important to understand the difference between showing and proving. I do not agree with the adage “show and prove” because proving adds unnecessary stress and pressure that can be counterproductive. I’ve learned that I cannot prove myself to anyone because proving means that my success is based on their perception of my performance. Lebron James won his first NBA title with the Miami Heat and he thought that a title would prove all his doubters wrong. In actuality, they criticized him even more because they did not like the way he did it. “You joined forces with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh and created a super team in order to win,” they said. 

To prove yourself means to give your power to the perceptions of others. However, to show yourself means to reveal what you already know to be true. However, revealing yourself is difficult because it means that you must be vulnerable. What if people don’t like the real me? Well, what if they don’t like the fake you either? I understand that many of us have been conditioned to conform to that which positions us to be liked and accepted by the popular culture. However, to be liked and accepted by a culture or a group is not the goal but to be respected, valued and at peace with your inner self is. 

What Does It Mean to Be Your Authentic Self?

In an article in the Huffington Post, Judith Johnson said, “Living from a place of profound authenticity involves being rooted in your deepest beliefs, values and truth and living a life that is a true reflection of them. It’s about being true to yourself through your thoughts, words and actions.” I love this definition and I believe it accurately represents how I define being my authentic self.

I also believe that there are misconceptions of what it means to be your authentic self vs. what it means to code switch. I’ve heard the terms used synonymously which causes internal confusion for a lot of people. When I’m requested to speak to groups, I immediately go into question mode: Who is the audience? What is the theme/topic? What are the challenges that they face? What do they care about? I ask these questions because it’s important to know the culture and the audience. I will not speak to a group of middle school students in a 3-piece suit nor will I speak to a group of executives in a t-shirt and shorts. This is not code switching, this is adjusting your style to influence a group in order to achieve an objective and it’s an effective form of influence.

Code switching is adjusting your personality or your physical appearance to be to be liked, to fit in, to be accepted or to be promoted. The need to code switch reflects a culture that has not challenged and addressed their popular culture. I have personally come to realize that it’s also a reflection of a lack of courage to be your authentic self despite opposition due to a fear of the consequences. Code switching is an inside job, an internal decision, that is influenced by fear but it’s also a personal choice that we can control.

5 Ways to maintain your identity

Diversity and Inclusion is the responsibility of everyone. It’s not just an organization within a company but it’s also a way of being, a way of operating and a way of thinking. Every team member has a responsibility of being their authentic selves in order to contribute to the vision of a more diverse and inclusive workforce. Although there is a tremendous role that leadership plays in changing the tops-down culture in their organization, I also believe there’s a part that we control that’s equally important. We must be bold and courageous by revealing our authentic selves despite opposition. I have highlighted 5 areas that worked for me in my journey to revealing myself and I’m optimistic that they’ll help others as well. 

1. Know Your Principles: We must have a clear understanding of our principles. An important key to knowing who you are is knowing who you are not. Your principles should NEVER be compromised. They are non-negotiables that you should be willing to take a stand for. Spend some time thinking about and documenting your principles.
2. Establish Boundaries: Boundaries are put in place to protect your principles. They define what you will accept and what you will not accept. They also tell other people how they can treat you – what’s acceptable and what isn’t. If boundaries are not established, then people may take advantage of you because you haven’t set limits about how you expect to be treated.
3. Embrace Your Identity Power (IP) as a Strength: Communities, groups, organizations, families and companies thrive and are more successful when we give them the benefit of being ourselves. It’s a strength. There are ideas that only you can think of because of your unique personality, thoughts and experiences. Your personality, experiences and beliefs are your intellectual property and they are patented by you. Use your Identity Power (IP). 
4. Give Yourself Permission to Evolve: I struggled with a desire to “keep it real” which translated to “keep it the same.” When you surround yourself with different people with difference perspectives and insights, you will grow. When you go into circles that challenge and educate you, you will not feel comfortable, but you will grow. Be careful not to allow the “I’m keeping it real” mindset to prevent you from growing. The adage, “when you know better you do better” is true. Exposure leads to change. I don’t think, talk and dress the same as I did 20 years ago because I have grown and changed. Do not confuse change with code switching. Give yourself permission to evolve.  
5. Do not crave approval: We live in a world where red hearts and blue thumbs up can become addictive. I must admit, there was a time when I would delete posts if not enough people “liked” it on social media. Studies have shown that when you post something on social media and it gets positive social feedback, it stimulates the brain to release dopamine, which rewards that behavior and perpetuates the social media habit. What a wonderful feeling right? Wrong! The problem is that realistically, not everyone’s going to like your posts, your pictures, your personality, your style, your thoughts or even you as person. Therefore, when you receive disapproval, your body reacts the exact opposite and can lead to depression and even worse, an identity crisis. Don’t be a slave to the approval of others. Instead, submit to your values, principles and standards.

The uniqueness of what makes you who you are is your superpower. The value that it provides to those around you has been proven and validated in many statistical and organizational studies. However, the most important reason why being your authentic self is important is because of the value that it provides to you personally. There’s no better feeling than looking yourself in the mirror and loving the person who’s smiling back at you.

Make the world a better place and make a commitment to show them who you are.