Show Some Empathy On Mother's Day

Show Some Empathy On Mother's Day

On Mother’s Day 2013, I was sitting at an outdoor cafe in Uptown Minneapolis with my ex-wife, and even though we honestly never really “tried that hard” to be parents ultimately, she seemed kinda sad at the time. Looking back with 11 years of clarity and heartbreak and other things, it’s kinda sorta weird, because almost none of her friends had kids at that point. (We were around 31 to 32, I think.) Anyway, I said something to her like: “By the next one, you’ll be a mom.” She wasn’t, and we got divorced in 2017. Never quite made her a mom, or the one I’m with now. Maybe someday.

My first friend — I’m old as shit by now — had a kid probably 17 years ago. Weird to consider that, as said kid is probably graduating high school soon. (I don’t actively talk to that friend these days; a lot of stuff happens in 17 years.) So, I’ve been around for almost two decades of Mother’s Days, which are cool days, but again — like any holiday — shouldn’t we celebrate moms all of the days? It’s a nice touch, though. I ain’t got nothing wrong with Mother’s Day, per se. It has backslid a little bit into another Instagram Mom Super Bowl, but only for a select few.

Alright, so as I’ve navigated two long-term relationships and now infertility, I’ve seen a lot of the fawning social media post, the overdone mom worship, and just the sheer lack of empathy for where people are at in the process. For every single mom-of-six with blond hair and a toned ass and a perfect IG life, you have these types of women:

  • Their mom just died.
  • They just had a miscarriage.
  • They are infertile or “secondary infertile.”
  • They never had a good relationship with their mom.
  • They wanted to be a specific kind of mom, and cannot be that kind of mom.

Much like fertility announcements, which can be a fucking sledgehammer devoid of empathy, a lot of people treat Mother’s Day the same way. Hold on one second and I’ll tell you a good story about fertility announcements, but first let me finish this thought on certain “days.” Just like I might get triggered on Father’s Day, or certain people might get triggered on Indigenous Peoples Day, or whatever … some “days” really get under people’s skin. Just be aware of that. You don’t need to limit your own joy, but be aware of it.

OK, as for fertility announcements. I wrote this once.

So man, and I mean goddamn man, I used to be in this small group at church. I’m still in it, but it’s a crew of different people now. Anyway, at this point in probably spring 2021, everyone in this group had a kid or a kid in their belly except me and my wife and one other couple. I thought we had a tacit understanding that like, if it went down for one of us, we would go talk to the other couple. Nope. Got that one wrong. I found out about their pregnancy when she posted two baby boots on a hiking trail via Instagram. BAM! And this was three years ago, and honestly I don’t think about it at all or care anymore, but at the time I was fucking torched about it — and our relationship slid backwards from there.

That moment could have been saved with a bit of empathy from them, and less triggered bullshit from me. So can Mother’s Day. That’s my main argument here.

要查看或添加评论,请登录

Ted Bauer的更多文章

  • Can Anyone Explain The Point Of NextDoor?

    Can Anyone Explain The Point Of NextDoor?

    I myself am friends with a chunk of my neighbors (I am sure others in my area also despise me), and I’ve long thought…

  • Are Gen Z Women Chasing The Wrong "Role Models?"

    Are Gen Z Women Chasing The Wrong "Role Models?"

    I am not a woman, not Gen Z, and don’t listen to a ton of Alex Cooper — some, but not much. So I’m theoretically the…

    3 条评论
  • That Baby Mama DRAMA

    That Baby Mama DRAMA

    Gender roles takes have reached a fever pitch in recent years, so a political party that used to bemoan “welfare…

  • A Pretty Inspirational Story Of Hope And Resilience

    A Pretty Inspirational Story Of Hope And Resilience

    Back in October of 2003, a couple in Michigan named Mark and Florence Unger had two young kids — and for various…

  • So Now The Democratic Strategy Is To ... Become Republicans?

    So Now The Democratic Strategy Is To ... Become Republicans?

    It is literally amazing to me how much time and energy is consumed on “culture war” topics, given that most rational…

    3 条评论
  • Who Killed Ellen?

    Who Killed Ellen?

    You probably know this one as “20 stab wounds and was ruled a suicide.” In fact, down in St.

    1 条评论
  • Did This Dad "Deserve" To Have The Title?

    Did This Dad "Deserve" To Have The Title?

    Just for context upfront here, I’ve currently spent about $31,000 trying to be a dad, and I’m rolling zeroes on all…

  • She Married Her Uncle (?!?!), Slept With Her Cousin, And Killed Her Husband

    She Married Her Uncle (?!?!), Slept With Her Cousin, And Killed Her Husband

    I am pretty solid on keeping up with true crime, but I had not heard of Tracy Nessl until yesterday while watching…

    4 条评论
  • “fEmInIsM rUiNeD tHe FaMiLy”

    “fEmInIsM rUiNeD tHe FaMiLy”

    I sometimes think the “Men Yell At Me” newsletter is a little bit over-feminist, but this post over there is pretty…

    3 条评论
  • The Infertility Denialists

    The Infertility Denialists

    No one really cares about the infertility of others, especially once they get theirs, and to be honest no one really…

社区洞察

其他会员也浏览了