The show must go on - turning up and delivering when your world is falling apart - A Thought For Tuesday #29

Do we ever know what is going on in someone else’s life?

People have sick children, financial worries, miscarriages, gambling debts, cancer diagnoses, violent partners and every manner of life issue imaginable, none of which are stamped on their foreheads.

And despite the burden of worry, they have to turn up to work as usual, parking the thinking time the issue demands until the end of the day, so they can focus on the oh so important report or budget or presentation.

It is an issue that comes up in coaching very often, as people work out how to deliver on all fronts, without short changing on any aspect or making bits of themselves. 

I remember one client, a few years back, thinking that he was cracking up as he navigated serious home and work issues at the same time, feeling like his whole world was disintegrating. He was dealing with the aftermath of a death by suicide in his immediate family, and his wife’s recent and serious health diagnosis, when the company he worked for went into free-fall with redundancies threatened all around.

He felt he could actually have coped with the home situation if the work had been stable; if he had the luxury of going to work to focus on sorting problems there, and taking a mental break from the worry.

Instead he was facing into a sort of controlled hysteria when he went in, with colleagues looking to him for answers and a leadership he was completely unable to provide.

He found himself paralyzed, closing the door to his office and retreating from everyone, doing less and less every day as he waited for the axe to fall.

So we began to look for things he could work on or change, in order that he would feel like he had some jurisdiction, some influence over outcomes, rather than like a straw in the wind. He decided that the only thing he could control in the short term was his demeanour and his attitude, even if he didn’t feel like it.

So he opened the office door, resumed his habit of whistling while he walked around the building, and began to perform in a way that gave him great personal satisfaction, completely removed from how the business was doing.

He dug deep and found his inner showman, treading the boards every morning like a pro, and feeling better and better about himself as the days went on, noticing that some of his staff were beginning to do likewise, and the atmosphere was improving.  

In the end there were unavoidable redundancies in the business, and his wife struggled on with a difficult treatment regime, but he had made a really useful discovery – that how he thought and behaved was going to impact on how he felt about himself,  and that in turn influenced how things worked out.

So, positive thoughts and positive behaviors – even if only acted out at first - would change how he felt, and ultimately change the outcome.

Here is a simple template for changing the mindset which I often use, and which I have seen make a really powerful difference to people. The example here is someone wanting to run for public office, but it can be adapted for any situation, and I hope you find it helpful.  

Circumstance: I have never had a nomination to run for office

Thoughts: I am not viewed in that way by the party leaders

Feelings: Sad, lacking in talent, inadequate

Actions: Not stepping up, not volunteering for high profile activities

Results: Relegation to backroom tasks and activities

The new narrative could look like this:

?Circumstance: I have never had a nomination to run for office

Thoughts: I know I can show the party that I have the ability

Feelings: Strong, determined, focused

Actions: Step up, speak at conference, chair committee, run event

Result: Higher profile, reputation, potential for nomination selection

Regards, Orlaith

Thanks so much for reading! I am a Leadership Coach and Consultant and I'd be delighted to hear if I can support you or your business in any way. Connect with me here on Linkedin or Twitter and you can find my book Perform As A Leader here https://www.amazon.com/Perform-As-Leader-skills-strategies/dp/0993289207