SHOW INTEREST IN OTHERS TO BECOME INTERESTING

Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”. Yet at business events where networking is going on, too many people want you to be interested in them. Let’s face it! We all want other people to be interested in us so we can sell more products, hire better people, and attain dream jobs. So, why them with all the desire to want others interested in you do so many people we turn them off by forcing information about themselves they believe will make others interested in them? It is a total disconnect.

The secret to helping others find you interesting is to have discussions that focus on the other party’s favorite topic, themselves. Wow! Talk about something counter-intuitive. Yet, talking about others you meet makes them more interested in you. When I was the president of Sales & Marketing International’s Dallas Chapter, Jay Abraham was in town promoting his book, Getting Everything You Can Out of All You’ve Got and addressed our group as the keynote speaker. During his presentation Jay told us about a couple he met during his book promotion tour. He came to his gate at the airport and sat down next to a couple. Sitting next to the man, he extended his hand and introduced himself. The man shook hands, gave his name, and then introduced his wife who was sitting to his immediate other side. Jay related that he asked some questions like, “What has you traveling today?” “What kind of work do you do?” “How long have you been married?” You get the idea. The only thing that Jay shared with the couple about himself was his name and that he was a marketing consultant. When he heard his flight being called, he told the couple how enjoyable it was to talk with them and spend time with them, but that it was time for his flight. “Then, as I walked away,” Jay related, “I heard the man say to his wife, ‘That Jay fellow is probably the most interesting person I’ve ever met.’” Yet the only thing Jay shared with them was his name and his occupation. What made Jay interesting was that he was focused on the other people.

Now is a good time to reflect. Have you ever been to an event of any kind and met someone who immediately began talking about themselves in order to impress you? Of course, you have. If you haven’t, you haven’t been getting out. Here is the ugly truth. You are probably doing the same thing to the people you meet as well. Why? Because we all want to feel like others find us interesting, important, smart. Meanwhile, the very nature of telling others all about you demonstrates a self-centered and egotistical person with whom they pray to never speak again. It is difficult to engage new prospects and customers while repelling them.

Doubt it? So did my good friend and insurance agent Reed Whitsett of New Bern, NC. Reed and I were members of the New Bern BNI group. During a training one morning I shared why it is important to focus on the other person in order to be seen as interesting, and I shared the Jay Abraham story. Reed shared his doubts with me after the meeting. The next week Reed told me that he had become a believer in talking about the other person and not himself. He said he attended a networking event and shared only his name and company with one of the people he wanted to meet. Focusing on the other person, Reed learned about the other person’s business, family, home, toys like boats and jet skis, and more. Reed only spent a few minutes with the man and then said that he appreciated the time with the new acquaintance and didn’t want to dominate his time. Some time later, the person with whom Reed was speaking sought Reed out to inform him he was leaving and found Reed to be the most interesting person he met there. Several weeks Reed reported to the BNI group that he was now the insurer of that other gentleman’s business, home, auto, boat, and was in discussion about life insurance.

By genuinely focusing on the other person, Reed was able to establish relationship, learn about the other person’s life and needs, and eventually provide solutions for the insurance needs of the new friend. Because he wanted to authentically get to know the other person the issue isn’t about asking manipulative questions that might lead to a sale. Noooo! The issue is about asking meaningful questions, listening to the answers, and shaping the interaction into a mutually beneficial know, like, and trust relationship. My question and challenge to you now is, are you willing to stop talking about yourself long enough to make the other person feel important. The late Mary Kay Ash, founder of https://www.marykay.com/said it best when she said, “Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.'" Who can you meet today to make someone feel important and build a mutually beneficial know, like, and trust relationship?

Brian Kennedy is Chief Encourager and Champion Builder whose purpose is to glorify God by encouraging and leading champions to victory in their own life stories, becoming more focused, principle driven, and fundamentally sound in their personal and professional lives. This is accomplished through speaking, coaching, and consulting to businesses and sales organizations about leadership, growing business through relationships, and team building.