Show, don’t tell - Part 2: Landscapes and environments

If you haven’t already, check out my earlier blog post Show, don’t tell part one. This blog post will make so much more sense if you do.

So, we know why we should show, not tell and we’ve discussed how this applies to character actions and emotions, but what about the setting? Should you tell the reader your main character has entered a dilapidated old mansion, or should we show them?

Let’s try….

Tell:

Toby saw the black cat run into the garden of a dilapidated old mansion, with windows boarded up and overgrown ivy blocking the rusted iron gates. But he decided to follow anyway, climbing over the metalwork, praying it was still strong enough to support his weight.

Showing:

His eyes never left the black feline as it made its way towards large iron-wrought gates, the perfect obstacle to preventing unwanted guests gaining access to the space beyond. There sat a solid stone building, built around a century ago judging by the looks of it. Yet its neglect was obvious. Secluded by overgrown trees, it sat in the shadows of twilight, nothing but a pitiful representation of its former glory. Crumbles of stonework lay upon the grand entranceway, broken pieces of a Juliette balcony nowhere to be seen. Windows which once would have framed beautifully kept orchards and gardens now boarded up with rotting planks of wood, as if trying to hide away secrets inside.

The only way I’m getting in is if I climb. Toby’s gaze momentarily left the cat while he scanned the gates. The same gates the cat had just shrank through and then looked back at him as if in mockery, that he couldn’t possibly follow. And the feline may be right. The once-black iron gates looked as if they were now forged together by a mixture of rust and overgrown ivy. Taking hold of ivy so thick Toby couldn’t even close his hand around it, he began to climb. His left arm held the ivy while his right searched for a solid place on the gates, creaking and crumbling under his touch. Finding a solid spot, he brought his left leg up and prayed to himself that the gates will hold his weight as he felt it move and stir beneath him.

^ Which example do you think sets the mood? The tone? Adds suspense? While telling isn’t an evil to be avoided at all costs, it should be used with purpose and not as the default.

And it doesn’t just apply to describing a building, either. What about the weather? You can show your readers that it’s cold outside rather than telling them.

Telling:

Despite being a sunny Autumn morning, it was colder than expected and Emma regretted not bringing her bigger coat with her.

Showing:

The bright rays of the low Autumnal sun caught the red and golden hues of the fallen leaves along the sidewalks. But something else reflected off the leaves: Frost. With birds singing their morning song, Emma thought about her big fur coat that her mother brought her for Christmas last year, a gift to stop her continuous complaints that she just can’t deal with the cold of winter. Guess it’s about time I get the fur out. Regretting her choice of attire, Emma wrapped her arms around herself in a last-ditch attempt to stay warm, but it was no use. The wind bit through her tweed jacket, chilling her to the bone.

Again, the showing example doesn’t follow every rule of show but in this case, I don’t think it needs to. Not every paragraph can be fancifully descriptive otherwise we’d never move on with the plot.

In this example, we’re trying to convey that it’s a cold Autumn morning and Emma got caught out with her choice of coat. But in the second - showing - example, we also get a glimpse into Emma’s story, hints at her personality. Hints even about her relationship status.

Allowing glimpses into your characters by showing what’s happening allows your readers to form their own conclusions about them. It also allows you as a writer to tell your readers snippets of your characters backstory and characteristics without ever actually having to say it. And these are both things that we as authors love to work in, but sometimes really struggle to do and still make the story cohesive.

Based on certain actions and behaviours, we jump to certain conclusions ourselves - and that’s half the magic of reading!

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Do you have any tips you’d like to share regarding show, not tell? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear!