The Shouting Help of a Soldier

The shouting help of a Soldier.

I was a soldier, serving God and my nation. Now, I find myself lost, unable to discern my purpose or direction. I'm struggling to navigate this new life that I've dedicated so much effort to achieving. Invisibility has become my reality – with no expectations regarding my opinions or comments, I exist in the shadows, tirelessly working for a force in darkness. I followed instructions, and that was all.

Life in the field is harsh, a constant companion of loneliness. This is me – a tragic figure unable to share my fears or feelings without sounding irrational.

The world feels like an adversary, and I'm shouting internally for help, but no one seems to hear. I'm weary of pretending that everything is fine when, in reality, my body is in pain, and I'm clueless about what's happening.

Here I am, entirely on my own, striving to stay alive while struggling to grasp the essence of life. I long for an escape, even if it means a car knocking me down. I can't endure the unfairness of life any longer. I'm slowly dying in solitude, desperately seeking resilience. I'm afraid I'll lose this internal battle; I've been utilized and profoundly damaged for life, and there's no one here to lend an ear or offer assistance. I can't openly reveal my identity or the years I spent serving behind the scenes. I don't understand how it all works, and the traumatic memories remain elusive. I wonder if seeking help from mental health professionals would be a better option.