It Shouldn't Be This Way!

In recent weeks, I've heard numerous expressions of frustration: "This shouldn't be happening." Whether it's inclement weather disrupting plans, hearing of the ill health of a colleague, learning of a board decision you don't agree with, political decisions, or encountering a slow driver en route to a critical meeting—these moments trigger a natural reaction. We often wish circumstances were different. But how long do we dwell in this state?

The Closed Mindset

I often wish things were different. Who doesn't? But I've realized that I close myself off when I insist on how things should be. My energy dwindles, and I feel stuck. It's like I'm fighting against reality, and that never seems to change anything.

When we label these experiences as "wrong," we adopt a closed mindset. We believe our view is correct, contracting both our mood and energy. This state rarely fosters change or clarity. Instead, it can leave us feeling powerless or angry.

Shifting to Acceptance

Consider a different approach: "This is happening. This is 'what is.'" By acknowledging reality, we validate our emotions and pain without deepening our suffering.? Accepting reality allows me to feel my emotions without letting them consume me. I can then ask myself, "How do I want to respond, even if I'm disappointed or upset about the situation?"

I am not saying to be pollyannish. Instead, I am working to be open to 'what is'-to be more aware and responsible in my choices. Openness here means being receptive to reality, acknowledging it without judgment, and being willing to adapt and respond constructively.??

Building the Muscle of Openness

Start small—like with a slow driver. Notice your reaction, and when you feel your emotions rising, take a deep breath, count to ten, or use any other calming technique that works for you. Then, transition to an open state by reminding yourself of the reality and your power to choose your response. Over time, this practice strengthens your ability to handle more significant issues with agility. It's not easy, but with practice, it becomes more natural.

Transforming Pain into Possibility

When we resist reality, pain transforms into suffering. By stepping back and shifting to openness, we uncover more possibilities and can respond as our best selves. This transformation is not just about pain, it's about growth, and it's inspiring to see the possibilities that emerge.

Practical Steps Forward

1. Acknowledge Resistance: Recognize your inner voice, saying, "This shouldn't be."
2. Appreciate Reality: Ground yourself, accept "what is," and offer empathy and kindness to yourself.
3. Explore Possibilities: See the broader picture and plan actions that address challenges. Whether it's weathering the storm with suitable gear or strategizing a job hunt, openness reveals paths forward.

Final Thoughts

I've noticed that resisting reality only amplifies my pain. But when I manage to step back and open up to "what is," adopting an Open Stance, I start seeing possibilities I couldn't see before. It's essential to give and receive empathy.? It's empowering and allows me to be the person I aspire to be.

I hope sharing this helps you as much as it has helped me. I would love to hear about what strategies work for you.?

Practice Taking an Open Stance

Open Stance Circles bring together individuals from various backgrounds and experiences, fostering a rich exchange of ideas and perspectives and enhancing emotional resilience.?

Open Stance Circles offers a unique opportunity for personal development and community building. They encourage a culture of openness and support, empowering participants to embrace their authentic selves, practice being open, curious, compassionate, and kind, and foster meaningful connections and joy with others.?

If you're interested in exploring the transformative power of Open Stance Circles and learning how to cultivate openness in your personal and professional life, we invite you to learn more here. Openness is not just a skill, but a way of life that can bring about personal growth and strengthen communities.

Wishing you a Joyful Thanksgiving and an Open Stance,

Ann Van Eron, Ph.D., MCC

www.Potentials.com

As a global executive coach and organization development consultant with Potentials, I coach leaders, teams, coaches, and changemakers with practical processes and tips to:

• Thrive amid differences and uncertainty with an Open Stance.
• Renew their energy, mindset, and experience of JOYBeing.
• Engage in meaningful and productive conversations to co-create solutions using the OASIS Conversations process.
• Make a difference, create positive change, and achieve their potential.

You are welcome to receive the following:

• Bi-monthly Leadership Tips
• A chapter from Open Stance: Thriving Amid Differences and Uncertainty
• Open Stance guided meditation
• Open Stance Postures infographic
• Learn more about Open Stance Circles